Awww, Isn't That Kind Of You, General Scammer?

Back in October, opening my email one day, there were a few notices in my junk mail folder. With such nuisances, I'll go on in, click sweep on all of them to block them, but inevitably a new email addy will send them back to me sure enough. Most of the time it's some of the same stuff. Online gambling seems to be big. Pharmacy companies trying to sell all sorts of chemical concoctions. Internet porn sites. Frequently I've received the same rambling error filled letter from one Adrianna, who claims we used to hang out, that she really liked me, and oh, by the way, she's working in a cybersex site and is willing to let me have a link. This despite the fact that I've never met an Adrianna.

For another take on this, check out Norma's recent blog on blog hijacking spammers. And every once in awhile, the always disreputable Nigerian Scammer email turns up. Often cluttered with words capitalized that don't need capitalizing, grammatical errors, syntax screw-ups, and reassurances that this is all strictly above board. I present to you the email sent in its entirety.....

SECURITY CONFIDENTIAL DIPLOMATIC IMMUNITY PAYMENT

Attention: Our Honorable Beneficiary

I am General David Ejoor (Ltd) the national security adviser to the New President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan Federal Republic of Nigeria, I am delighted to inform you that the contract panel which just concluded it seating in Abuja has just released your name among contractors to benefit from the Diplomatic Immunity Payment.

This Panel was primarily delegated to investigate manipulated contract and inheritance claims, contracts and over-invoiced payment as the negative effects has eaten deep into the Economy of our dear country. Please disregard any replication of this message without the presidential allocation code as stated above.

However, we wish to bring to your notice that your contract/inheritance profile is still reflecting in our central computeronic presidential system as an unpaid contract/inheritance during auditing excise. Your payment file was forwarded to my office by the auditors as unclaimed fund and we wish to use this medium to inform you that for the time being, Federal Government of Nigeria have stopped further payment through bank to bank transfer, payment by draft except on some special instructions, due to foreign beneficiary numerous petitions to United Nations, FBI, CIA and international police against Nigeria on wrong payment and diversion of foreign funds to different accounts. In view of this therefore, we are going to send your contract or inheritance part payment of US$4.5 Million to you via special diplomatic means through our accredited shipping company.

This office have secured every needed documents to cover the money. Please Note: The money is coming on 1 security proof box. The box is sealed with synthetic nylon seal and padded with machine. Please you don't have to worry for anything as the transaction is 100% secure. The box is also coming with a Diplomatic agent who will accompany the box to your given house address.

We have verified your payment file as directed to us and your name is next on the list of our outstanding contract/inheritance fund beneficiaries to receive their payment at this plenary section of the year 2012 and because of many funds beneficiaries due for payment at this quarter of the year, you are entitled to receive the sum of Four Million five Hundred United States Dollars (US$4,500,000) only as part payment so as to enable us pay other beneficiaries.
To facilitate with the process of this transaction, please kindly re-confirm

the following information below:
1) Your full Name and Address; 2) Phones, Fax and Mobile No; 3) Profession, Age and Marital Status material handler; 4) Copy of any valid form of your Identification;
Please Note: The diplomat does not know the original contents of the box,for security reasons we declared that the box contains Sensitive Photographic Film Materials meant for you, kindly ensure that you do not disclose the real content of the box to the diplomat regardless of pressure or anything.

If they call you and ask you the contents please tell them the same thing Ok,call me on my direct phone +234-8052641350. confirm the receipt of this message and send the requirements to me immediately you receive this message.

Kindly note that this is urgent so you get back to us because the boxes are schedule to live as soon as we hear from you.

Call me immediately.

Email:david00135@live.com

Congratulations.

Best Regards,

Okay, me again. You didn't believe any of it either. As we can see in the works of Homo Sapiens Nigerianus Scammeritis, errors abound (seriously, computeronic is not a word), and the usual fake-formal tone is throughout the scam letter. I had a look at a couple of names out of curiousity... and yes, there was a General Ejoor in Nigeria, but... the dude's retired, and he's not a National Security Advisor.

Nice try, Nigerian Scammers. Like I'm going to believe you're so generous to be sending four and a half million my way.

What we really need is to give the Nobel Prize to a scientist who develops a virus that deliberately and only targets scammers.