Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, February 27, 2012

A Day In The Life Of A Shark

Before I get started today, if you haven't seen it by chance, stop at our joint blog Basking In The Afterglow, where our most recent blog has fun with wedding pics...

Now then, I'm doing something different this time out, namely writing from the point of view of a certain animal throughout the day, one that gets something of a bad rap. Not that this blog will particularly help their reputation, mind you. To get you in the mood, check out this commercial.

And of course, the ideal music to accompany such a blog must be this. Yes, I know, it might bring back unpleasant memories. That particular bit of music does have a way to get under your skin, doesn't it? Particularly if you often think that we're going to need a bigger boat.

And so, let us begin....


Dawn. Woke up feeling rather hungry. Oddly enough, do I sleep at night? I have to keep moving, otherwise my gills don't process oxygen through the water, so how on earth do I manage to rest? Is this too abstract a thought for one of the apex predators in the ocean? I'm not sure. Maybe I can sort it out after breakfast.


Half past seven. Ate a passing seal. Rather blubbery. Will do as an appetizer.


8 AM sharp. Wondering how I know what time it is. What does time mean to an apex predator of the sea?


9 AM. Hit the smorgasbord. Beach full of swimmers at one of those resorts the walking dinner entrees stay at. Very tasty. Stuffed myself silly eating whatever tried to swim away from me. I may have a swim trunk or bikini fabric stuck between my teeth. Must find one of those helper fish that clean us up in exchange for us not feasting on them. Wondering how that level of trust evolved between us and them over millions of years of evolution. Why is it we just let them swim in and out of our mouths and clean us up without eating them? I'll go find one and ask. After I digest breakfast for awhile.


10:30. Wondering if I might have eaten something that disagreed with me. Slightly upset stomach. Will sit back and watch movie on underwater television. Delicious dinner entrees they might be, the walking smorgasbords do make good movies.



1 in the afternoon. Finished watching Jaws. Wondering why the bad guys win. Feeling a bit peckish.


1:45. Finished feasting on a Russian scuba diver at a reef. Left an aftertaste of vodka in my mouth. Perhaps he should have cut back on the drinking. Too late to advise him of that now.



3 PM. Afternoon tea with the hammerheads, feasting on tuna as a snack. Still tasting vodka from that Russian.


4:30. Terrorized Discovery Channel crew by busting away at their shark cage. Ate two of them.


5:25. Swam after kayaker in ocean. Left him alone after discovering he works as an attorney. Professional courtesy.


7 PM. Dinner time. Attacked a boat full of French tourists. Ate six. Strong taste of good red wine after the fact. They had good taste in their alcohol. Unlike that awful stuff the Russian was drinking.


10:30. Feeling slightly drunk by all of the alcohol I've consumed today through eating drinkers. Wondering if the hair of the dog will cure what ails me. Seeing as how there are no dogs swimming about this time of the night, will go seek out late night skinny dippers off that same resort I hit this morning for breakfast. Just hope the dinner entrees go quietly without a fight. And that they haven't been drinking cheap vodka.






21 comments:

  1. Do you realize you're fast approaching 100,00 pageviews???

    Any chance this shark will do what Brutus the Gator couldn't--devour Keith, the Contessa and the cheap guy?

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  2. You're right! How did that happen?

    I'll have to give this fellow a name... I liked writing from his point of view....

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  3. Wasn't sure if I was going to find mention of "Shark Tank." My 11 year old has taken a liking to the show in which business owners (or business idea owners) present to would-be investors.

    Well, my sea-faring fellow, it was a joy to meet you today but I am afraid I am off to cancel that trip to the ocean.

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  4. This makes me wonder if a shark can become an alcoholic based on his choice in walking entrees...

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  5. A lot of fun as usual. And my fear of the ocean (and sharks) have just been justified. I think I'll stay in the land of snakes, coyotes, and bears with the occasional mountain lion. ;-)

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  6. I always wondered why sharks act like their drunk! Very cute journal.

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  7. "3 PM. Afternoon tea with the hammerheads, feasting on tuna as a snack. Still tasting vodka from that Russian."

    :) I have Russian friends and can relate to this.

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  8. I mean they're not their. It was before my coffee.

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  9. That bit about the helper fish was kind of interesting. I guess they get the leftovers. The easy pickins must make the risk worth it.

    Entertaining, even if it is morbid.

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  10. Ouch! This is so bitingly funny! And I love this shark commercial you shared; hilarious! Yes, you should name your shark! Take care!

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  11. Yikes - this got my adrenaline going. Nothing like watching a good shark attack to get the blood pumping.

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  12. Yikes! Actually, that was pretty darn funny!!

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  13. Great post !
    The way your mind works... wahahahahaha
    My family still does the old SNL skit "Land Shark" just out of the blue someone at weird times will comment "Land Shark" with the music...
    Your driving me crazy with the links, I just spent several minutes watching the commercials for Panda Cheese.
    It is so true never get a Panda mad !

    Thanks for the great start to my Tuesday !

    cheers, parsnip

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  14. I don't know how I missed this blog, but boy, was it a good one! I really liked the sharks POV on things. Of course, first person is always what I like...

    Love it...You should do this again!

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  15. This is so hilareous! Hey I'm actually going to those museums in the city this weekend. Just come on down! It's not that far...if you have a private jet.

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  16. I think the next time I run with this, it'll be from the point of view of the dog...

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  17. This confirmed my fear of sharks in a funny way. I'll never understand why people pay good money to swim with sharks or go into a shark tank!

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  18. ha! That was cute. And such great pics (as usual). I've always had a fascination with sharks and will love them til the day I die. Such amazing beasts.

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