Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, February 6, 2012

Newt Gingrich And The Chamber of Dirty Campaign Tricks

"If you would win a man to your cause, first convince him you are his sincere friend." ~ Abraham Lincoln

"Anyone who doesn't do everything I tell them to goes on my enemies list." ~ Newt Gingrich, 2011

What a difference a few weeks makes. After solidly winning the South Carolina primary, Newt Gingrich got his rather sizeable butt handed to him in Florida, and again in Nevada (more on that one next time out). The Republicans continue the endless process of choosing a nomination, and it looks like it might go all the way to the convention before it's settled.

I for one rather hope Santorum and Paul stay in the game a little while longer. If only for the fact that their names will be at the top of the next two election blogs. Sure, neither of them stand a chance of getting the nomination, but that doesn't mean they have to drop out yet, right?

Anyway, it was looking a bit rough for Governor Mittens for awhile after South Carolina. The front runner for so long, the man who wants the Republican nomination and yet has such little pride in himself that he's willing to overlook the fact that the party faithful would prefer anyone else in the post, got beaten by the self professed outsider (who's been a Washington insider most of his adult life), Newt Gingrich. Still, Florida saw a comeback for Governor Mittens, despite his shiftiness regarding tax payments and his galling inability to connect with people who don't routinely make ten thousand dollar bets. Maybe he pandered just enough to the retired golfers and snowbirds to have made a difference. Either that, or they recognize crazy when they see a Gingrich.
Governor Mittens and The Outsider-Insider (trademarked 2012 by yours truly) have been blasting away at each other for months now, while others have fallen away from the proceedings. They've turned their backs on Reagan's eleventh commandment: don't attack other Republicans. And they've been busy shredding each other and the rest of the competition. Meanwhile, President Obama and his staff watch everything, take notes on ways to finish off the job in the debates. Memo to the Republican party: if you're trying to commit political suicide, why not just nominate Rob Schneider?

While Governor Mittens' general lack of understanding of the average person's life and his evasiveness on his taxes continue to dog him even now, it's a different story for the Outsider-Insider. Newt's deplorable behaviour in his several marriages has become fodder for many an editorial cartoon and many a late night punchline. I've said it before, I'll say it again. This sleazeball wants to be President? Would you trust a guy who walked out on two marriages when his wives became sick? That's even worse then the cheating itself. And this weasel (yes, I know, I'm insulting weasels) campaigns on family values.

Ladies and gentlemen, a new weapon of mass destruction: The Newtron Bomb

We can't forget Santorum and Paul, though they don't get a lot of attention from the editorial cartoonists. Maybe sometime down the line, when they do decide to quit. It could be tomorrow. It could be at the convention....

Super Tuesday, as they call it, is still some time off. Nevada's just had their primaries, and there are more to come before too long. The Republicans remain locked in what appears, at least to me, to be a runaway train, on its way to a bad end with no one to stop it. That's because the reasonable-minded members of the party never got on board in the first place. They recognized a travelling circus when they saw it.

And so the endless ordeal continues. I will be back with the next in this series soon enough. In the meantime, we can count on lots more vitriol from the nominees towards each other until it's finally settled once and for all and the nominee is chosen to be the inevitable sacrifice in November.

 Too bad it can't be settled with a boxing match or some high stakes poker. At least boxing or poker finally comes to an end!


  1. Sometimes I wish my stomach were stronger. I often can't watch the whole debate or read all of the news because it makes me sick. The keys to survival seem to be voting and maintaining a sense of humor, and I enjoyed this post!

  2. Isn't the Geico Insurance spokeslizard a newt?

  3. Brilliant, as always!

    A travelling circus--that's what it is! I couldn't think of what it was this GOP mess reminds me of, but that's it!

    @TDR: I think the Geico lizard's a gekko....

  4. I've decided that from now on, I'll call Newt by the name Fig Newtons.

  5. haha, it's great that you dig all of these up!

  6. Please Please Please don't call him that. I love Fig Newtons.

    cheers, parsnip

  7. I personally loved The Newtron Bomb, made me snort with laughter. Thanks for brightening my Monday.

    Oh, I almost forgot, would you be all right if I mentioned a blog post of yours on my three gnomes blog?

  8. Mittens and Newtron Bomb. LOL! TFF! This is better than the debates. Anyway, Ron Paul makes the show with some of his out there comments. And Santorum, well, .....I'm scratch my head.

  9. You're lucky you live in Canada and you don't have to worry about one of these Republican idiots becoming President!Plus you have free health care!

  10. Very fun post! Enjoyed all the political cartoons:). I'll just be glad when the election is over with!

  11. @Deb: We're not that lucky. We live under the boot of Stephen Harper, who likes to think he's a Republican.

    @Russo: By all means, go ahead!

    @Parsnip: Either Fig Newtons or the Newtron Bomb....

  12. American politics and the run up to elections can appear to be a bit of a circus to the outside world. Newt seems to be this year's leading clown act.

  13. Thankfully I have very little idea what's happening in the politics across the pond right now. I'm going to remain ignorant as long as possible.

  14. Thought you might appreciate this:

  15. Will,

    Great and insightful post as always! Thanks for the hilarious cartoons. You always make me smile!


    Please do not insult the poor Geico lizard! Oh, the horror!

  16. Mm, walking out on two wives who became sick? Why is he even standing...I mean really standing. I would have knocked him down with my fists, the ignorant fool! I hope he gets the same treatment and lies in his own mess. Horrid man.

    I don't even know him or his politics, but he would have lost my vote on those acts alone!


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