The South African Crude Oil Scammer

There are three certainties in life- death, taxes, and internet scammers and spammers coming along to annoy you. They do so with random comments that are meaningless in our posts. They employ the old trick of sending the same email to hundreds of thousands of random email addresses, hoping to get someone gullible enough to believe them. Science calls them homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. We call them scammers. That's the friendly term. There are others less friendly. This came through my email recently.

Please permit me to introduce myself. My name is Jim Lamar. I earn a living in the oil industry as an independent Feasibility/Project Management Consultant to oil refineries and other oil industries in Southern African, East Africa and some parts of Asia. We are based in Johannesburg RSA. Our mandate includes identifying specific licensed crude oil export/ marketing firms and recommending these firms to the oil refineries for supply of crude oil to the refineries.

On my desk is a mandate from one of the refineries to arrange for crude oil purchase from Libya for up to 2,000,000 barrels on monthly bases for 12 calendar months.

The essence of my reaching out to you is the fact that I am in the process of building a middle man structure to mediate between the 2 parties involved before the contract is signed. You may be wondering why I cannot do it by myself right? The honest fact is that as a consultant to these oil refineries, we are not allowed to act as suppliers of crude oil to them as well, hence the reason I need a trustworthy person outside my work circle in order to maintain a discreet profile.

I wish to extend this partnership to you my friend to build a middle man structure with you, while I work from the back to guide you. Our commission/brokerage as middle persons is between $2 - $3 per barrel as case may be. So if the target of 2M barrels is met monthly we stand to share $4M - $6M every month for a span of 12 months with possible extension.

Worry less about the speedy sales as I have contacts within oil producing country's top officials for license of crude oil export/lifting to any firm I present for this business. Therefore if you can be able to handle this transaction with honesty and integrity, you should come back to me immediately for more details.

PLEASE REPLY ME THROUGH THIS MY PRIVATE EMAIL FOR MORE DETAILS:

Your urgent response is highly needed

Regards.

Jim Lamar

This nitwit spells out his scam, claiming to be in the oil and gas industry, and then having the gall to claim that he's honest. He spins a web of fortunes to be made in a shared partnership with me, what with being an outsider to his industry, with millions each month. First off, this sounds more and more illegal by the minute. Second, the overly formal language and occasional mistakes are hallmarks of the classic internet scammer. So a hard stop to this idea.

Sigh. Well, at least the oil industry is a new one. But everything else is typical internet scammer. Nice try, Jim,  or whoever you really are at the far end of a chain of emails. I just don't believe you. Maybe someone else would, but I don't.

I just envision an ideal world, where you're the guy at the end of this plank. Above shark infested waters.

The Qatari Investment Scammer

They are the worst of the worst. Scum, walking the earth, with no morals, no scruples, no lines they won't cross, no promise they won't break. No, we're not talking about the Republican Party of the United States, though I can see why you would think that. No, I speak of course of that vile lot we call homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. Otherwise known as internet scammers. The following came through my email recently, with an internet address suggesting it was coming from Africa. Last I checked, Qatar is not in Africa. 

Warm Greetings,

I trust this message finds you in good spirit and health.

We are an investment and asset management firm based in Doha - Qatar, possessing over two decades of experience in the financial sector and we are contacting you to inquire whether you have any current projects or ventures that require financing.

Our investors are open to providing private loans and engaging in capital partnerships across a diverse range of sectors which includes, but are not limited to, Startups - Projects - Contracts - Expansion - Acquisitions in all sectors of works and any of these related business ventures such as Energy - Renewable and Bioenergy, Power Sectors, Oil & Gas, Construction, Automobiles, Agriculture, Forestry & Fishing, Acquisition, Health Sector, Stock Speculation, Communication Services, Real Estate, IT (High-Tech. and Bio-Tech.), Education Sector, Hospitality, Technology, Transportation, Mining, Maritime, Tobacco and Manufacturing, Pharmaceuticals, Business and Trade Finance... Etc.

Our investment platform and strategy is centered on supporting enterprises characterized by robust management teams and innovative business models and we maintain a keen interest in companies with a demonstrable track record of success, as well as high-growth potential startups.

We would be pleased to learn more about your business operations and objectives should your company align with our investment criteria. We would therefore anticipate your immediate response to this email at your convenience to arrange an introductory call to discuss your specific financing needs and explore potential partnership opportunities.

Moreso, we welcome any referrals to associates or partners who may be seeking financial support as we offer a certain percentage (1% precisely) of the loan as commission to agents / brokers / consultants who introduce clients to us.

We anticipate the possibility of a mutually beneficial collaboration between our firm and yours.

Kind Regards,

Mohammed Abdullah.

Investment Consultant

Industry Investment Group

Sigh. This is quite random. Like the half a million other random emails they send this nonsense out to. First, I'm not in any business. And if I were, I wouldn't accept business proposals from random idiots who send this out of nowhere. They write this in true spammer form letter style- over the top formal, using the sort of vernacular you'd expect out of investment people (who have no soul to begin with. Honestly, they're as bad as bankers)

They spew all of this nonsense, hoping to get someone dumb enough to believe it, or at the very least respond. Because if you reply back and tell them to go fuck themselves (very tempting), that's when they can really get started hacking you. I remember speaking with someone who's in IT at my workplace. He agreed that it's tempting, but doing so is practically inviting the spam and malware. So best to just report it as phishing, delete, and be done.

Because this isn't a real investor. This is a scammer, out to take your money.

And they never learn. No matter how many times they're ignored, or ridiculed in a venue like this. They just never learn.

They persist, until they find that one person gullible enough to believe them.

And then they proceed to ruin their day, or ruin their life.

It never ends. In an ideal world, this person, whoever they really are, would be standing right on the slope of this canyon at the right moment. Or the wrong moment, at least for them.

That Old Loan Shark Scam

It is fair to say that they can't take a hint. They can't just give up this way of life and find an honest way to make a living. They persist in going through life sending random emails to people trying to get them to believe their scam story. They leave random comments on blogs, determined to get some attention, having nothing to do with the blog in question, but with the purpose of spamming their product. I speak, of course, of homo sapiens spammeritis annoyingus, the vile horde otherwise known as internet scammers and spammers. The following is a comment that has made it past the spam filters in recent days here and over in my photo blog. Not for long, because they were cast back into spam and then deleted.

I was so devastated when my business was going down due to financial situation until I found Mr Pedro and his working loan company website then I contacted them via Email

 then I was given a terms and conditions on how there loans works, I was happy because they willing to fund my business with the amount of 86,000.00 Pounds with a loan repayment of 2% annual return to expand my business. The whole process was so transparent and swift. Gracias.
I will recommend them as professional loan lenders.

There have been various names attached to these comments, which run along the same lines, and have the same name associated with them- Mr Pedro. I'm accustomed to your standard Cancer Widow spam. But this is the first time I've been caught up in loan shark spam. Because that's what it is. A loan shark. Not a loan lender.

The name attached to this one is an odd one- Nazgul Williams. 

Nazgul. Really. Same name as the ghostly henchmen of Sauron in the Lord of the Rings.

Oh, sure, that's believable. That's the sort of name one wants to go through life with.

Our guy does some of the same other patented spammer nonsense. Spelling mistakes (it's their, not there). The big offer that's too good to be true (because it is). The desperate but brief story of how their business was going downhill until they found Mr. Pedro.

Yeah, right. First, I'll be honest. Pedro is not the sort of name I'd find great confidence in for a business. It's like the Spanish version of Billy Bob. And second, for an actual loan, one goes to an actual bank.

Nice try, dumbass. But I'm wise to your ways and know better. But since I've decided Pedro (or whatever his name actually is) is a loan shark, perhaps it's time that Pedro and his sock puppets should do us all a favour and meet the real thing.

You'll be the main course for those sharks, Pedro.

Return Of The Spell Casting Spammers

They never learn. They never take a hint. They can't do us all a favour and make a New Year's resolution to stop wasting oxygen. Of course I speak of the vile wastes of space otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. That wretched lot of scammers and spammers who infest our blog comments and junk email with crap we don't want. Of late, I'm routinely getting email notifications from sites I do not belong to, delivery notices from companies I ordered nothing from, and final warnings from places I've never had any business with. To click on any of them is to invite chaos into your life, so they instantly get deleted. And then there's the following, which my blog spam filters caught shortly after the New Year.

Happy New Year, I pray you find all you set your heart to this year 2024, I was going through hard times last year in my Relationship because my Fiancée of 3 years woke up one morning and said she is leaving the house and no longer in love with me, this really broke my heart, I went on my kneel to beg her to come back but all my pleas was in vain until I met Dr Ajayi while surfing the internet. I read how he helped people going through relationship problems, some even mentioned he makes herbs to cure any kind sickness you can think of, this made me to contact him through Whatsapp 

and explained the problem I have with my fiancée to him. Dr Ajayi told me he will make a love rite that will bring back my fiancée in the next 3 days and what I will have to do to make it happen, I followed all the instructions as directed, to my surprised my Fiancée knock of my door after 4 months of not taking with me. If you are having any relationship or Marital problem Dr Ajayi is the man you can trust for help.

Sigh. As much as I'd like every single one of these spammers to just die already, they won't do that. Worse, my posting this will guarantee responses from spell casting spammers. To which I'll say this: go away. I don't believe any of your crap, and all of you are wasting perfectly good oxygen that useful people need. You are not useful people.

Okay, then. We see all of the hallmarks of your usual internet scammer. The wording that suggests English is not their first language. Capitalization of words that don't need it. Sentence structure that is, in a word, dismaying. Misspelling of words that should be fairly obvious. Though to be fair, I've seen the writing of someone not too long ago whose first language certainly is English and who thinks the word radio is spelled raido. Yes, he was that dumb. And that was just the beginning of his spelling errors. Have I mentioned I hate stupid people?

They tell the same old sob story we usually see with spell casting spam. The spouse or significant other who's unhappy in the relationship and who leaves. The devastation for the poor sod (who doesn't actually exist) telling this story, about how everything was horrible until they reached out to this "doctor" (who's not a real doctor) who said they'd do a 'love rite' and that the errant fiancee would return. 

All of which is crap. Nonsense.

Because this is as fake as it gets. Spell casting does not bring happiness. This is nothing more than a scam artist plying their trade, sending out fake emails trying to get others to believe the story and send in money for their own issues.... at which point the spell caster will either disappear, or say, 'we're not trying hard enough, give me another 150 bucks.'

Like I said, nonsense. Nice try, numbskull. But I know better. 

Why don't you do the world a favour? Go skydiving. 

And land between these two behemoths.

No Shortage Of Stupid Crooks

The following narrative is something I witnessed in person a couple of months back here. The stupidity of a stupid crook in person. It was hilarious.

Well, except for the crook, who was in a world of trouble. This is probably a typical thing for him. 

It was just an average day. Stopping in an area where I'll often stop. And on my way out, noticing a guy, pretty rough looking, sitting on a bench, kit bag beside him. Drinking from a large bottle of whiskey, vodka, whatever.

And noticing a police car pulling up right nearby him.

And that's when it became an unusual day.

Because the cop got out, walked over, started speaking to him. More than half a bottle in, he was already drunk. Or maybe he'd been drinking beforehand. I stopped, waited, watched.

It's not long before the cop has him up on his feet, walking him towards the car. Okay, maybe this is an intoxication, taking him to sleep it off. 

But no. The conversation turns heated, entirely on the part of the drunk.

And it's at this point where the drunk shoves and slaps at the cop. In a drunk way, but still.

Common sense: you don't ever hit a cop.

Not that common sense would occur to this guy.

At this point, other people are now stopping and watching. The cop pretty quickly has him down and cuffed. And is calling for backup. Right now.

Of course it doesn't take long for a radio call like that to draw in more cops. Shortly after three more cops are on site. The guy is on his feet, marched right towards the first car, securely cuffed, protesting that he wasn't doing anything wrong. Once he's in the back of the cruiser, the cops pick up his kit bag and inspect it on the front of the cruiser.

The bag had three more large bottles of booze inside.

That's the thing- the place where I was had an LCBO on site. Primary liquor distribution retail outlet in the province of Ontario.

So this dumbass robbed the place. Walked out, walked right past a bus stop where he could have grabbed the first bus he saw away from the scene...

...and instead decided to go deeper into the property and sit on a bench and drink from one of the bottles he'd stolen.

Dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Suffice to say, a bad day for a dumb crook. What would have otherwise been a routine petty crime- shoplifting four bottles of booze- gets a hell of a lot more complicated and more consequential when you add resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer to the equation.

But it's probably the latest in a long line of negative interactions for this guy with the police. And not to be the last.

Because someone this dumb will not change.

The Revenge Of A Jittery Rodent

It's Groundhog Day today. Six more weeks of winter is a given in my parts. Feel free to commence weeping if for whatever reason you hate winter. I'll be over here falling about laughing.