Return Of The Spell Casting Spammers

They never learn. They never take a hint. They can't do us all a favour and make a New Year's resolution to stop wasting oxygen. Of course I speak of the vile wastes of space otherwise known as homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus. That wretched lot of scammers and spammers who infest our blog comments and junk email with crap we don't want. Of late, I'm routinely getting email notifications from sites I do not belong to, delivery notices from companies I ordered nothing from, and final warnings from places I've never had any business with. To click on any of them is to invite chaos into your life, so they instantly get deleted. And then there's the following, which my blog spam filters caught shortly after the New Year.

Happy New Year, I pray you find all you set your heart to this year 2024, I was going through hard times last year in my Relationship because my Fiancée of 3 years woke up one morning and said she is leaving the house and no longer in love with me, this really broke my heart, I went on my kneel to beg her to come back but all my pleas was in vain until I met Dr Ajayi while surfing the internet. I read how he helped people going through relationship problems, some even mentioned he makes herbs to cure any kind sickness you can think of, this made me to contact him through Whatsapp 

and explained the problem I have with my fiancée to him. Dr Ajayi told me he will make a love rite that will bring back my fiancée in the next 3 days and what I will have to do to make it happen, I followed all the instructions as directed, to my surprised my Fiancée knock of my door after 4 months of not taking with me. If you are having any relationship or Marital problem Dr Ajayi is the man you can trust for help.

Sigh. As much as I'd like every single one of these spammers to just die already, they won't do that. Worse, my posting this will guarantee responses from spell casting spammers. To which I'll say this: go away. I don't believe any of your crap, and all of you are wasting perfectly good oxygen that useful people need. You are not useful people.

Okay, then. We see all of the hallmarks of your usual internet scammer. The wording that suggests English is not their first language. Capitalization of words that don't need it. Sentence structure that is, in a word, dismaying. Misspelling of words that should be fairly obvious. Though to be fair, I've seen the writing of someone not too long ago whose first language certainly is English and who thinks the word radio is spelled raido. Yes, he was that dumb. And that was just the beginning of his spelling errors. Have I mentioned I hate stupid people?

They tell the same old sob story we usually see with spell casting spam. The spouse or significant other who's unhappy in the relationship and who leaves. The devastation for the poor sod (who doesn't actually exist) telling this story, about how everything was horrible until they reached out to this "doctor" (who's not a real doctor) who said they'd do a 'love rite' and that the errant fiancee would return. 

All of which is crap. Nonsense.

Because this is as fake as it gets. Spell casting does not bring happiness. This is nothing more than a scam artist plying their trade, sending out fake emails trying to get others to believe the story and send in money for their own issues.... at which point the spell caster will either disappear, or say, 'we're not trying hard enough, give me another 150 bucks.'

Like I said, nonsense. Nice try, numbskull. But I know better. 

Why don't you do the world a favour? Go skydiving. 

And land between these two behemoths.

Curse Of The Spell Caster Spammers

They will never learn to just go away. They can't take a hint and just drop dead. As much as we'd all like that to happen. I speak of course of the vile internet spammers and scammers. That wretched lot who just keep leaving the same irrelevant comments on blogs, send us emails promising riches or a better life... all while providing none of that to the poor suckers who actually take them up on it. Some weeks back I posted about a comment from a spell caster spam (likely written by the very same spell caster (or, let's face it, the con artist passing himself off as a spell caster, because that's the truth). On that very post, in the days that followed, I got numerous spam comments that quickly ended up in the purgatory of spam folders. I decided to preserve three of them here, for the purposes of ridiculing the morons who actually write this crap.

I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real.I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing My Ex I needed help and somewhere to turn badly. I found consultant isong SPELLS and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Several days later my phone rang My Ex was in his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back,the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him.this Spell Casting isn't brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together for the rest of our life.I recommend you if you are in my old situation to try it.It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you.And can also help you get pregnant

I'm so very grateful to Dr oluba, for bringing my husband who left me for another woman, that moment my husband Left me I thought I lost everything until a friend of my gave me Dr oluba, WhatsApp contact, I messaged him and told him the pain I was going through so he told me that everything was going to be fine that if I have the faith and believe in him that the spell will surely work for me and my husband will surely come back home and he told me what to do, so those things were done and 24 hrs later my husband came back home begging for my forgiveness, am so happy and grateful to Dr oluba, if you need his help email him

My wife was flirting with another man. until she vanished away, I was desperate to get her back, I wasted so much time and money trying to get my wife back, I tried almost all possibilities to have her back and nothing worked. I became lonely. To make it short, I found a spell caster, Dr love. I saw the good testimonies about his wonderful work and after reading the Testimonials, I decided I had to try and give it one last try and After the spells, a miracle happened, my wife came home. It was awesome, anyone who needs help, should email him

Yes, numerous comments just like those. And no doubt this post will attract more of them. You call out these people for what they are and it's like moths to a source of light. They spin the tale of the lover lost and how their esteemed spellcaster (who's a doctor of what, precisely? Because just calling yourself a doctor doesn't make you one) set their life back right. 

There are the usual tell tales of spam comments. Capitalized words that don't need it. Spacing issues. The same form letter format with names changed here and there, but let's face it, these all pretty much read the same way.

Our first spammer claims that 'it will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. And can help you get pregnant.' Wow. First, that's some potent spell casting from your totally fake spell caster. Second, I can't get pregnant. I'm a man. And third: I hate kids. Hate 'em, hate 'em, hate 'em, can't stand 'em. Why would I want to have one?

Our second spammer, incidentally, has the worst photoshopped image for her profile. A head on a neck that doesn't feel right. And... how do I put this delicately? A large bust size. Very large. Spilling out of the shirt size. She's repeatedly spammed the same comment over and over again about Dr Oluba (note to spammer, if you're going to abbreviate doctor, than you should write it as Dr.. Otherwise you're not going to be taken seriously. As if you ever were.)

And our third claims to be a man (again, these are bot comments written by the same bot factory of spell caster spammers. Spammers are not, strictly speaking, human beings). He tells us his wife was flirting with another man. He says "until she vanished away, I was desperate to get her back"... well, wait a minute. That comma shouldn't be there. Because if it's there, it makes the sentence read that you were desperate to get her back until she vanished away. See what it means? If this was legitimate (which it's not), when she 'vanished away' (which, again, is not the way a real person speaks), you weren't all that desperate to get her back. 

And he comes up with the dumbest of names for his spell caster. Dr Love. Uh huh. Sure, that sounds legitimate.

As said earlier, I imagine this very post will attract more of the spell caster spam. Some may be briefly published before I send them to the hellscape of the spam comments folder. They won't get the point that I'm making here, which I'll sum up with to each of them.

Ready, spell caster fans? I'm talking to you.

Here's what I have to say. Listen closely.

Go fuck yourselves.

I don't care less about your totally fake fucking con artist spell casting doctor.

All of you should do the universe a favour and throw yourselves off a cliff. 

Do you understand me now?

In short: fuck off.

So You Want To Destroy Your Career

I have an image blog today. Enjoy!

A Law Degree In Destroying A Client

“Dean Manning, distinguished faculty, honoured guests, and graduating class of Harvard Law 2020. Thank you for that warm greeting, particularly for someone from the NYU law school. I imagine if I’d been from Yale, there would have been tar and feathers involved. Or maybe feathers and tar.

It is a common thing for graduation ceremonies to feature someone such as myself to give a speech, to wish students well as they leave the academic world and go out into the working world. In your case, into the world of lawyers. Harvard has a long tradition of sending out lawyers into the world to do good and to do bad and all that other stuff that we do as lawyers. After all, there are reasons people hate lawyers.

Now I could just give you a conventional motivating speech about the rule of law and holding fast to what’s right.

But given the way my legal career went before I retired, that might be hypocritical.

So instead I thought I’d tell you the story about when I decided to retire. And why.

It should have been years before. I mean, there I was, a prosecuting attorney, and a damned good one. I went after organized crime, built up a reputation as a real law and order kind of guy. I parlayed that into the mayorship of what’s still the best city in the world.

I should have stopped right there.

I could have finished off my time as mayor, retired from public life entirely, contented myself with doing business in the private sector, maybe writing some books.

Instead I wanted something bigger.

But I should have stopped.

I should have had some friend take me aside and say, ‘Rudy, don’t do it.’

Or some enemy, I don’t know. Either way would have been fine.

So I mused about running for governor. Threw my hat into the ring for the Republican nomination for President a couple of times. Came up short. Or long. That depends on how you define throwing your hat into the ring.

But even though I didn’t get the nomination, it gave me a certain amount of weight in the party. A reputation as a fixer. A place on the talk shows to explain policy. And hey, everyone who’s ever met me knows I like to talk. Maybe I talk too much. Or too little. That depends on if I’ve said something that might backfire.

You know, much has been said about what happened two years ago. About the crazy things I said in public. About moving the goalposts and implicating my client in collusion and making things worse. About truth not being truth. Old friends asked, ‘have you seen a doctor lately? We’re concerned about you.’ I was the subject of pundits and cartoonists. Not as many as my client, but my fair share.

People have said that I was a bootlicker. That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think? Or maybe not harsh enough, I don’t know. I was brought in as a fixer. The latest in a long line of aides who were in and out of the place trying to hold back the tide. You had all the allegations that were out there, the investigations, the accusations of collusion with Moscow, the hookers, the porn stars, the daily screw-ups and rants on Twitter. It was getting out of control, and on some level he knew it. He and I had known each other for years. He called me in, asked me to make it all go away. I told him, ‘don’t worry about a thing, I’ll take care of everything.’

I just didn’t explain what I meant by taking care of everything.

Here’s the thing. You go through life as a lawyer, first working insane amounts of hours a week in the private sector like most of you are going to do, trying to make partner in a firm with old bastard senior partners who are having champagne lunches. Or you’re public and working as a prosecutor against a never ending flood of crime. Either way you start hating yourself. You wonder, ‘why didn’t I go into farming? Or medicine? Or anything else but the law?’ And you start thinking of an exit plan. For some of us, that means politics. For others, it means just building up your assets so you can eventually retire. I went both ways for awhile.

But retirement was always there in the back of my mind. Like I said, I should have done it years earlier. It would have been better for my peace of mind, my quality of life, that whole thing. Instead I stayed on, kept my hand in things, did the whole talk show circuit on the morning newcasts. Brought up Nine Eleven a lot. Because you can’t Nine Eleven without a Nine Eleven.

Anyway, that’s beside the Nine Eleven point. So there was the country, deeply divided. There we had ourselves a new occupant to the Oval Office who was out of his depth. And it showed. The scandals were coming left and right, aides coming in and out of their jobs all over the place. It was chaos. It was mayhem. It was exactly what a lot of people predicted what would happen when you elect a guy with no pertinent experience but lots of ego to the world’s most stressful job.

That might be shocking to hear me say that. Like I said, people called me a bootlicker where he was concerned. But that’s not really the truth. And I don’t say that in a truth isn’t the truth sort of way.

Here today I’m going to tell you the truth. Or the facts. Depending on how you see it.

See, I always found him to be a boor. A self absorbed twit. Failed casinos, failed businesses all over the place, and the world’s biggest ego. Called himself a successful businessman, but really? Point out those successful businesses to me, because I don’t see them. What I saw was this blowhard who the banks wouldn’t touch, who was going to Russian banks to prop his interests up. And let’s face it, if you’re going to the Russian banks, that means you’re going to Putin. Because Putin owns everything out there.

My point is, I didn’t like him. His term had started in chaos. One official after another turfed, no discipline in the administration, and no discipline in the man himself. Three years ago that was the status quo. I was at a point where I was quietly looking for a way to completely withdraw out of public life. I didn’t need to work anymore. I was in a position to retire, even when you factor in the alimony that I keep owing. Complete aside here- alimony sucks. I didn’t need to keep going on the news shows, putting my foot in my mouth on a regular basis. I could just retire. Spend my days in my pajamas doing the crossword puzzle in the Times. Go down to Delmonico’s for lunch. That was my plan.

Then Donald Trump asked me to be his lawyer.

He’d been having more than his fair share of trouble holding onto lawyers. When you’ve got a former FBI director personally investigating you, your attorney is paying off porn stars on your behalf and digging his own legal grave, you might think it’s a good idea to find another attorney. So he asked. And I accepted.

But it wasn’t to help him.

By saying that I would be taking care of everything, by making it all stop, I decided that I’d help the whole train wreck along. And that’s what I did.

You heard it.

I just admitted it.

I went on the news shows to stick up for him. I’d blurt out in the middle of a conversation things that tied him and his family directly to colluding with the Russians. I would admit that, sure, my client reimbursed his last attorney for the payoff to the porn star and the hush-hush agreement. I’d say things like truth isn’t truth and that lawyers do tend to pay off mistresses for their clients. I went back and forth all over the place as to if he’d testify or not if it came to it. Sure, I did mention that he probably forgot paying off that last attorney. Who, by the way, is still enjoying three square meals a day in federal custody. A shout-out to Michael Cohen, everybody.

Sure, there was that time I talked about going into their offices with a lance if they bothered Ivanka. That’s the day I decided I’d do some medieval references. And yes, I did say that a hundred thirty five grand is pocket change. Well, you can look at it one of two ways. To Vladimir Putin, that kind of money was pocket change if it meant keeping my client on a short leash. To my client, well, as much as he liked to pretend he was a billionaire, the numbers just never added up the way he wanted them to add up. So was that really pocket change for a guy who’s worth a lot less than the ten billion he claimed? I don’t know.

And yes, I laughed as if I was a bit unhinged that time someone asked if I might end up getting fired. It was deliberate. I wanted to come across as if my mind was taking a walk off the map. From the first day I got hired, I dedicated myself to doing my best to scuttle my client. And to do so in a way that guaranteed that no one would ever want to hire me again. Because all I wanted to do was retire.

And it didn’t really require that much effort. I mean, he was doing perfectly fine scuttling himself every time he tweeted. He left a big paper trail behind him that wasn’t that hard to follow, especially for someone as dogged and determined as Mueller is. Complete aside here- don’t ever play poker with Bob Mueller. The guy has the ultimate poker face.

So there I was, going on the news shows, putting my foot in my mouth as usual, making a fool of myself, confirming allegations and suspicions and all that other bad stuff about my client. There were days that I’d go off on a tangent and just say anything that came to mind. Like that Julius Caesar may or may not have been stabbed twenty three times by his friends, but if he was, he probably deserved it. And I did mention that Vlad the Impaler was misrepresented, and he impaled all those thousands of people in self-defense.

I could bring up that time I told Wolf Blitzer that an argument could be made that Jack the Ripper wasn’t murdering anyone, but cleaning up the neighbourhood. I took a lot of heat for that one. My client asked who Jack the Ripper was, and could we hire him for the EPA.

There was that infamous interview Megyn Kelly did with me. You’ve all seen it. We were talking about treason, and in the middle of it all, I pointed out that Benedict Arnold wasn’t a traitor. And then I doubled down on it, pointing out that at least when he sold out his country, he did it after he had saved it at Saratoga. And at least that part is true, right? And not the truth isn’t truth kind of true. My point was that Benedict Arnold’s actions should at least be put in context, and that if anyone was committing treason against their country, it was the rebels acting out against King George.

Yes. I said that. By that point my whole mindset was, ‘just say whatever the hell you want and who cares if you come across as crazy?’ It was all about helping along the process of scuttling the administration. Of course it didn’t help that when I came back to the Oval Office after that, my client asked if Benedict Arnold was ‘that guy with the funny accent playing Shylock Jones, and if he was, was he in the country legally.’

You all know where it went from there. That was near to the end. Impeachment, criminal charges, a trial, and imprisonment. For my client, that is. Not for me. No, I made sure that no matter what, I wouldn’t be going down with the ship. And so we find ourselves where we are today. President Pence isn’t making an effort for November. My client, the unfortunate former president, is languishing behind bars, deprived of his Twitter account. And I’m writing my next book, How To Screw Up Your Clients' Life Without Even Trying.

I’m going to leave you with this bit of advice as you go out into the real world of practicing the law and discover that you’re going to end up hating yourself. Look to your retirement, many years down the line. Keep that in mind. Get yourself ready for it. Live for it. Because you won’t always hate yourself. Someday you’ll get to be able to live a life of relative leisure and yell at kids to get off your lawn.

And if you find yourself in the meantime late in your career representing a client you hate, as I did, well, there’s nothing wrong with doing everything you can to screw things up for them, big time. Or bigly, as my client might have said before he was dragged off to federal prison for the next thirty years on a treason conviction.

I’m a big believer in a philosophical motto. If you’re going to go down, make sure you go down in a way that people remember you for. Even if you have to make a fool of yourself doing so.

I conclude with this: for all those times I said that Nine Eleven totally Nine Eleventh itself, that truth isn’t truth, and that sense is nonsense, there is still an argument to be made for the following- that Rudy Giuliani doesn’t exist, and that you’re all sitting here watching an empty podium.

Doesn’t that just blow your mind?”