Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, June 26, 2017

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the perspective of the hound and kitty, starting as always with that of the hound...

7:02 AM. Waking up at home. Slept reasonably well. Dreamed of chasing the vet and the mailman, until they fell into a moat filled with crocodiles. Now that’s the kind of dream that should really come true. I’m just saying.

7:06 AM. Taking a look outside. Sun and cloud. The human keeps expecting a heat wave anytime soon. I mean, it is summer now, right? Right. But it still hasn’t happened. Oh well, enjoy it while it lasts, Loki. When the heat and humidity come, you’ll want to play in the sprinklers. Which is fun and all, but it ends up resulting in being subjected to the Towel Of Torment.

7:11 AM. Staring out at the front lawn. Hey! Birds! Who said you could roam around on the grass! Do I have to come out there and bark at you?

7:19 AM. Wagging my tail furiously when the human comes downstairs. Hello, human! Fine day, isn’t it? The sort of day that makes you feel tail waggingly happy to be alive. Say, have you put any thought into breakfast? I’m just saying, I’m a little bit peckish, and I could use a good meal before heading off on my run.

7:21 AM. Wolfing down a big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!

7:22 AM. Licking my chops. Well, I came close to breaking the record for fastest consumption of my breakfast, but not quite fast enough. When we’re talking about seconds, just a few seconds make a difference. I wonder if that’s the same way sprinters feel.

7:24 AM. The human lets me out for a run. Bye, human!

7:33 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, deliriously happy.

7:46 AM. Coming around a bend in the woods. Stopping in my tracks at the sight of some very slow movement up ahead on the path. Oh boy. It’s a turtle.

7:47 AM. I have taken up position behind the turtle. He’s taking his sweet time.

7:48 AM. Say, fellow, some of us have places to be today. I’d venture off the path, but I know there’s those thorny plants that make my paws go ouch in that grass.

7:49 AM. The turtle takes a right hand turn and I sprint off ahead down the path, happy as a lark.

8:06 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:07 AM. Spike and I finish greeting each other in the customary doggie fashion and start talking about the really important stuff. Like the devious plans of the squirrels and our five times a week duty to harass the mailman.

8:11 AM. Spike reminds me that on the weekend they’ll be marking Canada Day. That always ends with the fireworks in town. Or as dogs call them, the horrible boom noise terror. Fortunately we live far enough out in the countryside around here that those are just muffled in the distance. I can’t imagine what it’s like for a doggie in town. Or a cat, for that matter.

8:14 AM. Well, Spike, I’ll see you later. Got to go make sure my human’s behaving.

8:25 AM. Stopping in the woods on my way home. I see that cranky cat in one of the back windows at her home. She doesn’t seem terribly impressed with me. Oh well, I’ll behave myself and just leave. See? I’m leaving! I’m completely capable of behaving myself, you know.

8:39 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human to my presence. She lets me in. Fortunately since it hasn’t been raining and I haven’t been jumping in mud or puddles, I am free to avoid the Towel of Torment and can now take a nap.

11:17 AM. Waking up from my nap. Checking the clock. Oh, good, I haven’t missed lunch.

12:23 PM. Have successfully mooched a couple of dinner rolls from the human. Yum yum yum!

1:36 PM. Barking up a storm at the mailman as he drives by the house and stops to drop off some mail. Hey! Get lost! Yeah, I’m talking to you! Don’t ever come back here again, you hear me???? Don’t you ever come back again!

3:49 PM. The human is having tea. I am contentedly chewing on an oatmeal cookie I have successfully mooched from her. Life is good.

5:26 PM. The human is in from chores and making dinner. So what are we having tonight?

6:17 PM. Well, she’s made spaghetti and meatballs for herself. I’ve got some nice tasty ground beef in my bowl, which I seriously approve of, though I wonder why I can’t have the pasta too? Come on, how much of a mess could I possibly make? And are you going to finish up all that garlic bread by yourself?

8:52 PM. Pondering the great mysteries of life. Is the tummy rub the end-all be-all of existence?

11:40 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human! I will safeguard the house against all intruders, big or small, and will bark up a storm if any of them try to get in. Of course, I’ll probably just bark up a storm for absolutely no reason at four in the morning, but that’s beside the point, right? Of course right.


  1. My dog definitely owns my bed. For a little thing, she somehow takes over the whole thing every night. Too bad she's cute, or she'd have been booted by now.

  2. When in doubt, do something weird...words to live by!

  3. Merida owns ons bed but thehamish shares mine !
    And yes....
    When in doubt do something weird. A Scotty to live by.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

  4. So cute. Wish we had a cloud. I moved from the desert to save 4 degrees!:)

  5. I always try to pick a favorite, but this time I can't. Too many good ones.

  6. Oh, those mitten/shoes definitely call for revenge. But the googling of 'neuter' is good. But the doggie Churchill is undoubtedly the best! 'We shall bite them on teh breeches...'

    And I can't believe he didn't try to talk to the cranky cat!


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