A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once more for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog speaks first.

6:17 AM. Waking up. That’s the problem with this time of year. The sun gets up so much earlier that it throws a dog’s natural waking up cycle out of whack. Fortunately that’s what naps during the day are for.

6:20 AM. Have come upstairs. The human’s bedroom door is open, so in I go. The human’s still asleep in bed. Now I suppose I could just rub my cold nose against her arm and wake her up, but that would be a naughty thing to do. And I’m a good dog. A very good dog. Everybody I know says so. Except that cranky cat down the road. And the mailman. And the vet. And the skunk that lives out in those woods. And the porcupine. And Mrs. McIntyre after that time I dug up the roses...

6:25 AM. Back downstairs, staring out the front window. I can be patient and wait for breakfast. Patience is a virtue. Many things are virtues. Such as a good belly rub or a scratch behind the ears.

6:46 AM. Low growling as I stare out the window. A rabbit’s out there nibbling on the grass. Hey! You! Move on before I start barking!

6:49 AM. The rabbit stares at me for a moment before hopping away. You know, I could be wrong here, but I’d swear that varmint was smirking at me.

7:22 AM. The human comes downstairs. Well, good morning to you, human! Fine day, isn’t it? I’m raring to get out there and go for a run, but of course, some things must come first. Say, have you given any thought to breakfast?

7:24 AM. I am busy wolfing down a big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!

7:31 AM. Out the door for my morning run. See you later, human!

7:39 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off, having a ball. Does life get any better than this?

7:55 AM. Stopping in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

7:56 AM. Spike and I finish greeting each other in the customary canine way of sniffing hindquarters and get down to serious conversation.

7:58 AM. I finish relating my sighting of the rabbit to Spike. Spike advises that rabbits are too fast for us to catch, and they know it. Why is it that the things we dislike so much- rabbits, squirrels, and mailmen- are too fast? Well, that last one’s not so fast if they’re not in their car, but that’s another story.

8:00 AM. Spike informs me that his humans had a visit last night- from the repugnance himself. Even though he wasn’t in uniform, Spike could smell the scent of mailman uniform on him, and recognized his face from seeing him in the car. And you let him in your house, Spike?

8:01 AM. Spike and I agree that our humans can be quite perplexing, what with his being friends with the mailman and mine getting along fine with the vet. Who’d have thought vets and mailmen actually have lives after work? I’d have just assumed they hung upside down in their lairs like vampire bats, plotting their next nefarious scheme in their sleep.

8:05 AM. Spike and I go our separate ways, promising to keep each other up to date on the bark system about any squirrel sightings or mailmen devious plots.

8:23 AM. Back home. Barking at the back door to be let in. Human! It is I! Loki! Annoyer of Mailmen and Chewer Of Slippers!

8:25 AM. The human lets me in. I pass first inspection. Well, of course. I didn’t splash in a stream or roll in anything you find disgusting. So there’s no need to apply the Towel Of Torment, or subject me to a bath.

8:49 AM. Time for a nap. Circling around three times on the living room floor before settling down for my nap. Life is good.

11:12 AM. Waking up suddenly to good smells. Oh boy! The human is baking!

11:13 AM. Sitting patiently in the kitchen, staring up at the human while she works. Wagging my tail.

11:15 AM. My  efforts have brought forth success. The human has given me an oatmeal cookie. Yum yum yum!

11:29 AM. After managing to mooch two more oatmeal cookies, I have been blocked in any further attempts. The human informs me that the rest of the cookies are going into the freezer for when we have company. Awww! Why hold off for tomorrow what tastes so good today?

1:36 PM. Barking up a storm of outrage at the mailman as he drops stuff off at the mailbox. He just drives away. Get lost, you vermin!

2: 57 PM. Supervising the human while she’s working down by the barn. It’s the responsible doggie thing to do. And I’m a responsible dog. Because I’m a very good dog. Yes I am, oh yes I am.

6:39 PM. Dinner with the human. Shepherd’s pie is always tasty. First time I heard of it, I wondered if it was made of shepherds.

11:27 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. Sleep well. I shall remain on guard duty down here. If I happen to bark at four in the morning, it’s simply because the rustle of the wind might have woken me up. Nothing to worry about, and apologies in advance.