Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the perspective of the dog and the cat, starting as always with the point of view of the resident hound, Loki, Annoyer Of Mailmen and Chewer Of Slippers...

7:24 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed of chasing that squirrel and cornering him... and then woke up before I could do anything about it. What is it about dreams that they usually end just when it’s getting good?

7:26 AM. Looking outside. More snow falling. Oh, what a lovely sight!

7:29 AM. The human is coming downstairs. Well, hello, human! 

7:31 AM. Wagging my tail as the human gets the kibbles out for me. Oh boy!

7:33 AM. Wolfing down a big bowl of kibbles, as happy as I can be. Yummy!

7:36 AM. Say, human, how about letting me out for a run? I’m feeling like it.

7:37 AM. The human opens the back door. I’m met by a big blast of cold air. Um... okay. Maybe going out for a run this morning isn’t that bright an idea. Maybe I’ll just stick around the house and come back in real quick.

7:41 AM. Rolling around in some of that fresh snow, having a ball. Does life ever get better than this? Well, maybe if I had a nice juicy steak to chew on...

7:44 AM. Okay, as much as I’d like to stay out here, it’s just a wee bit too cold for me today. I guess I’ll have to pay two visits to that cranky cat’s place tomorrow just to say hello and make up for today. One bark to let the human I’m ready to come in should be sufficient.

7:45 AM. The human lets me in, but intercepts me with the Towel Of Torment before I can get too far into the house. Oh, come on, human! I can dry off naturally!

7:48 AM. Settling down by the fireplace. Nice and toasty warm. Okay, sure, I’ve only been awake a half hour, but it never hurts to stockpile some naps.

10:35 AM. Waking up. Slept well. I wonder if the human’s having her morning coffee break yet. Because if she is, there’s always a chance to nab a cookie. 

10:37 AM. I have tracked down the human to the kitchen. And sure enough, there she is having coffee.  I wag my tail and sit expectantly. And put on my best mooching eyes.

10:38 AM. My gambit has paid off with dividends. The human has just given me two oatmeal cookies. Yum yum yum!

12:07 PM. The human is having lunch. I have successfully mooched a ham sandwich.

12:51 PM. Looking out the front window checking for the bird feeders. Hey, wait a minute... what’s that in one of them? It’s.... it’s that despicable squirrel!

12:52 PM. Barking my head off at the sight of that squirrel. It seems to have attracted his attention. He’s staring right at me, twitching that big bushy tail of his... and chewing seeds. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he was laughing at me right now.

12:53 PM. Human! You must let me out this minute! The devious squirrel is raiding the bird feeder, and it is my highest duty as a canine to go out there and get him!

12:54 PM. Racing out the door, barking my head off! The repugnant squirrel is jumping off the feeder and racing for a tree. So close.... oh, so close!

12:55 PM. I have just missed catching that squirrel by all of two seconds. The damn squirrel is up in the branches laughing at me. One of these days, you’re going to get yours. Do you hear me? You’re going to get yours!

12:57 PM. Circling around the tree. The squirrel continues to taunt me from above.

1:03 PM. The human calls for me to come in. I take one look up at that squirrel, who keeps chattering away and laughing at me. One of these days, squirrel.... one of these days, you’ll let your guard down. And guess what? I’ll be there.

1:05 PM. Back inside, subjected to the Towel of Torment again. Human? What purpose do squirrels serve in the greater scheme of things?

6:23 PM. Dinner with the human. She’s given me some beef strips. Very very good! For whatever reason, she’s eating cauliflower.

8:09 PM. Lying on the living room floor while the human’s reading. Staring at the ceiling. Wondering what the meaning of life really is. Does the shape of the universe really look like a big chew toy?

11:29 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! I’ll be patrolling the house through the night. In between naps. And if I happen to see that squirrel out on a windowsill, I’ll bark up a storm. 


  1. That second to last one is so cute! My dog has perfected the adorable sleep mode.

  2. BUNNY ! and SCOTTIES !
    Today is a GUD Day !

    cheers, parsnip

  3. Loved the Labrador and the pool! That was either a giant alien bunny or a miniature collie or Sheltie.

  4. Your dog posts are always my favorites! (And "pukeys" is my new favorite word.)

  5. WTF is up with the giant bunny!?? LOL

    Holy crap!!

  6. @Kelly: sleeping dogs are quite appealing!

    @Norma: definitely!

    @Parsnip: thanks!

    @Mari: no, it's a real bunny. Apparently one breed gets that big.

    @Petrea: I love writing these.

    @Diane: that's one big rabbit!

  7. I've been in a pool afflicted with Labrador Swimming Disorder! LOL

  8. OMG, these are some of your best ever! I was laughing out loud in such a way that my dear spouse came to see if I was OK. Very funny. LSD indeed! The 'Throw the Stick' cartoon really caught my funny bone! Great stuff my friend!

  9. Yep! Cats always claim the dog's bed even they have a perfectly good cat bed!


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