Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it is time for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, I'm starting with the dog's unique world view.

7:36 AM. Waking up at home. Had a bad dream. It was all nice and fun and everything running along the paths and all... until I ran right into a skunk that decided to spray me for no reason at all. Fortunately it was just a dream. Right? Of course right.

7:38 AM. Looking out the front window. Sun shining, birds singing, no sign of a skunk.

7:41 AM. The human comes downstairs. Hello, human! Isn’t it a wonderful day? Say, did you have any weird dreams? Because I did. Might it have all come from eating that mushroom pizza slice last night? Oh, wait, you don’t know I helped myself to a slice of that. Well, it was tasty.

7:43 AM. Wolfing down breakfast at my usual frantic pace. It occurs to me that I don’t really relish the taste of the food when I eat this fast, but hey, I’m a dog, and we’re always convinced, even if there’s not another dog in the house, that if we don’t finish the food quickly, another doggie might eat it instead. 

7:47 AM. Out the door for my morning constitutional. Feels nice and pleasant today. 

7:53 AM. Running through the back fields, barking up a storm. Feels good and liberating to be out and about on my morning rambles. Nothing could possibly go wrong today, could it? Aside from the remote possibility of that dream coming true and getting skunked.

8:03 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:06 AM. After comparing notes on squirrel sightings, Spike and I discuss the meaning of dreams. Particularly my dream about getting skunked. He advises me to slow down when I’m running about. Spike notes that while skunks are hesitant to use what we call The Ultimate Weapon, they are easily startled, and when we stumble across them, either in the woods or the high grass of the fields, we risk the possibility that they will launch that Ultimate Weapon upon us. Which leads to tomato baths and vigorous towel treatments, and our humans muttering about why they didn’t just get a goldfish instead.

8:14 AM. Bidding goodbye to Spike. We promise to keep each other on high alert if the squirrels make their long awaited bid at world domination today.

8:31 AM. Coming back home. Barking to alert the human to my presence. Human! I have returned. I, Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyance of Mailmen, would like to mooch a cookie or two.

8:32 AM. The human comes outside and asks if I’d like to go for a ride in the car. Oh boy! Would I? Of course I would!

8:33 AM. Piling into the car, wagging my tail. I call shotgun!

8:47 AM. The human’s driving, and I’m looking outside at everything as we pass by. Is there anything as good as a car ride? Well, a cookie, and some ice cream, and a belly rub....

8:58 AM. The human’s pulling into a parking lot. Wait a minute. This place looks famil.... oh no!

She’s brought me to the vet!

9:01 AM. The human’s dragging me out of the car by the leash. Human! How could you! This is a direct violation of the sacred trust between human and dog, bringing me to the monstrous demon that is the vet!

9:02 AM. Through the front door. I spot other dogs, and cats in those carrier things, all looking as annoyed as I am. The human’s cheerfully talking to the receptionist. Human? For this atrocity I’m chewing slippers later. Just so you know.

9:17 AM. Brought into one of the back rooms by the human and that receptionist. Growling with irritation. I hate the vet. Hate, hate, hate, hate to infinity plus one hate the vet. Vile fiends like that are just evil. Evil, evil, evil, evil!

9:23 AM. The monstrous demon walks in. I bark with annoyance and frustration. The human greets the vet as if she’s just another human being. But she’s not, human! She’s one of the Primal Evils, foretold in the Books of Canine Prophecy! 

9:29 AM. Being subjected to the torture and torment of the vile fiend. Hey! Don’t poke me with that!

9:43 AM. The human and the monstrous demon chatter away. Apparently the vet is finished tormenting me and is giving my human bits and pieces of advice. Don’t believe a word she says, human! She’s a monster! She’s out to get me!

9:45 AM. Out the door and into the hall. Strange... there’s a dog that’s not on a leash. I make inquiries. She informs me that she actually lives with the vet, and claims the vet is not a monstrous demon. Are you crazy????

10:03 AM. The human decides to defuse my irritation at being subjected to the torment of the vet by getting me an ice cream cone. Despite my irritation, my stomach wins out and I accept the peace offer. Just as long as we don’t have to return to see that vile fiend anytime soon, is that clear?

10:45 AM. Back home. Naps are in order. I wonder if that vet gave me anything beyond the usual toxins they put in those shots. 

6:34 PM. Dinner with the human. I have considered chewing slippers in retaliation for the whole taking me to the vet thing today, but thought better of it. The ice cream smoothed the way, and bacon pancakes certainly make up for it too. Speaking of which, human? Ice cream on these pancakes would taste really good right about now.

11:26 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human. I hope to have good dreams tonight. Namely of pushing that vet off a cliff.


  1. Poor dog, his next dream is likely to be Dr. Skunk on a rampage.

  2. So...the V-E-T is the Monstrous Demon? I've always wondered what their critter designation might be!

  3. OMG!! I want to know who the cruel person was that moved them Cheetohs! lol

  4. The pictures of the dogs are absolutely wonderful. Oh, your writing isn't bad either.

  5. @Lynn: I gave the poor hound a bad day!

    @Norma: critters hate the vets!

    @Diane: that was mean.

    @Kelly: thanks!

    @Mari: thank you!

  6. I don't know where you find all these photos; they are so cute. But it's really your captions that make them so funny! You have a great sense of humor. The first picture and caption made me think of Ted Cruz. Are you sure you don't want he and his father back? Please? Please? He's driving us barking mad down here!

  7. The swan chasing the dog in the water made me really laugh. Great post!

  8. Dogs do hate vets, don't they? Loved the one sitting on the cat!

  9. Today post is wonderful. Great story and fabulous photos.
    The first one cracks me up !

    cheers, parsnip

  10. It's only fair to have one on dogs, too!


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