A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for the point of view of our resident cat, one of the ultimate life forms on the planet....

7:32 AM. Waking up. Taking a big stretch. Slept well. Dreamed of rows of catnip.

7:38 AM. The staff makes her way downstairs. Well, staff, how about we start seeing to breakfast? Post haste. I have things to do with my day, after all. 

7:43 AM. The staff disappoints me yet again by giving me field rations. I pull up my nose in disdain and walk away.

7:52 AM. I find myself looking outside. Checking the thermometer. Far too cold out to go outside today. I will stay in and lie by the fireplace, toasting my belly. Assuming the staff leaves the fireplace on before she goes to work. Otherwise I will lie on one of the heating grates and bask in the lovely heat. Soon the whole house will end up smelling of cat.

8:10 AM. The staff bids goodbye on the way out the door. For some reason she turned down the gas on the fireplace.

8:15 AM. The staff is back in. Apparently the car isn't starting. Look, you can call the auto shop, or you can call into work and tell them you're stuck. In which case you can cater to my needs and wants all day.

8:22 AM. The staff is on the phone with that work place she goes to. Says something about working from home today. Oh good! Now I can be catered to for the rest of the day!

8:26 AM. The staff turns up the fireplace. Very nice, staff. Now, why don't you get us some milk and cookies and make your lap available to me?

8:43 AM. I find the staff up in the study working at her laptop. Commencing the butting of my head against her legs.

8:44 AM. Jumping up on the desk. The staff doesn't seem to appreciate my walking across the keyboard.

8:45 AM. What an injustice! Removed from the study! The door is closed! Staff, I thought you staying home today would mean you'd pay attention to me! Not actually work! Who'd hear of doing something that silly?

8:53 AM. Sitting in the living room. Perplexed by the staff. Close the door on me, will she?

8:56 AM. Despite my better judgment, I decide to have some of the field rations.

9:05 AM. Staring outside. It looks cold enough to chill the Abominable Snowman. I wonder if that annoying mutt is going to turn up today. Is he dumb enough to run around in this weather?

9:26 AM. I curl up by the fireplace for a nap. Naps are good.

12:10 PM. Waking up. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed about chasing mice. 

12:12 PM. I see the study door is still closed. I hear the tapping of those computer keys. Staff, when are you going to come out and pay attention to me?

12:33 PM. Turning on the television. Weather Channel drone seems to be panicking. Something about a polar vortex and the end of the world. Honestly, where do they find these people? Not one spine among them. They're all gutless cowards.

12:38 PM. The staff comes out and looks at the television, then looks at me.

Yes, staff, I know how to turn the television on.

1:05 PM. The staff is making lunch. I meow firmly for a few slices of turkey breast. She obliges me. 

This is much better, staff.

1:25 PM. The staff is back in the study. Once again she has gotten in there and closed the door without my getting in. What's the fun of a day in if the staff can't cater to me?

5:10 PM. Waking up from my second nap of the day. Feeling refreshed.

6:22 PM. Supervising the staff while she's making dinner. Looks like she's making omelettes. I'm not exactly sure what the point of adding all those eggs, onions, and peppers to perfectly good sausage is, but at least she's leaving some sausage aside.

6:40 PM. The staff and I are having dinner. She's given me a bowl of sausage and a bowl of milk. This makes up for breakfast.

8:38 PM. Pounce up onto the staff's lap while she's reading, and I quickly proceed to head butt her chin as a show of affection, all while purring. It gets her past being startled and into petting me. Works every time.

11:32 PM. The staff is getting ready to go off to bed. I think I'll stay down here. It's still nice and toasty warm by the fireplace.

Any chance you can keep the fireplace on all night, staff?