Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, February 23, 2015

Spammers And Scammers Everywhere!

They never take a hint, do they?

You can post something with this very title, and sure enough, it will attract the sort of spam crap that you'd like to never see again. The spam about medical insurance, travel to Djibouti, carpets, running shoes, or where to bury yourself if you die far from home. Nonsensical sentences with the inevitable links turn up. And yet the blog filters send them off to the purgatory of the spam folders nearly every time, where they will languish forever after, never to be published, and rightfully so.

And then there are the endless variations on the Nigerian Scammer. Such as this one that turned up in my email junk folder a couple of weeks back.

Our Ref: WB/NF/JPP/UN/XX-321/02015.
Attention : Sir/Madam .
I would like to let it be known that in a meeting held by the United Nations in Affiliation with the World Bank Organization and the U.S States Government, it has been agreed that a compensation of USD$6.5 Million has been approved in your name. This Compensation program was organized to compensate all the people who have in time past had unfinished transaction and those that has been scammed in any part of the world. This compensation scheme was set up under the United Nations Project for unsettled debts and scam victims rehabilitation scheme.
Your E-mail Address was drawn automatically web directory through an E-mail ballot machine, that is why this mail was sent to you and you are qualified to receive the above mentioned compensation payment.
A Bank Draft RefNo: 972 7742 431 002626 has been allocated to you which will be credited with your payment of US$6.5 Million Dollars which will be delivered to you in person at your place of residence.
You are hereby advised to contact Bank Manager of Zenith Bank Plc in the name of Dr.Jim Ovia at the address below for your payment :
Contact Person : Dr.Jim Ovia.
Bank Name : Zenith Bank Plc
Personal Phone: +234-814-820-2663
You are also instructed to forward the following information below to the above Bank for complete processing and delivery of your Bank Draft to you.
1. Your Full Name :
2. Your Home/Mobile Telephone No:
3. Your Home or Office Address :
4. Age/Occupation/Marital Status:
5. Country OF ORIGIN:
You are advised to contact the Zenith at the address above, and have your information listed above forwarded to them with 72 hrs you receive this message to avoid cancelation of your payment.
Thanks for your patience, and do contact us in the near future when you have successfully received your payment.
Best Regard,
Ms. Valerie Amos.

And I'm back again after that rambling scam by Ms. Valerie Amos, or whoever the hell is really behind that nonsense. Did you know that if you google the UN Directorate of International Payments and Transfers, what you get is pages of scam alert bulletins. Not that it's a surprise, given that this bears the usual hallmarks of the Nigerian Scammer. Capitalization in the wrong places. Incorrect grammar. I mean, seriously, the U.S. States Government? You do realize, Scamming Scammer, that the S means States, right? Or are you even stupider than I already think you are? And it's unfinished transactions, not unfinished transaction.

Apparently Ms. Amos thinks I'm qualified to have 6.5 million dollars because I've been scammed elsewhere in the world. I've got news for you: I've never been scammed. Unlike the knuckledragging buffoons who are dumb enough to believe any of this. 

Dear scammers and spammers, from the bottom of my heart, I can only say this: 

Find a bridge. Jump off it. You'll be dead and we'll be rid of you. It's a win-win both ways. Well, not so much for you, but for the rest of humanity that find you tedious, obnoxious, and a pain in the butt, it's a big win!


  1. Bet these people have always been around. Just conning peoplein different ways. My spam filter's pretty good, knock on wood!

  2. Spammers and scammers are almost as annoying as telemarketers.

  3. I never even open these emails. Delete!

  4. rule filter: if body contains "mistake" or "inherit" delete.


  5. I keep blocking them, but more always follow. It's like trying to get rid of cockroaches!

  6. @Cheryl: my spam filters are pretty good too.

    @Anita: I find the people waiting on sidewalks on behalf of a charity and asking if you have time today are just as annoying as regular telemarketers.

    @Kelly: well, they are good for a laugh!

    @Diane: true!

    @Norma: I got another one just now opening my email- a guy supposedly dying of cancer "humiliated by his relatives", and having millions of dollars to give away.

  7. Thanks for a fun read. Why anyone would respond to such garbage is beyond me.

  8. "and do contact us in the near future when you have successfully revived your payment."
    you betcha !
    Maybe this is something for you brother in laws ?

    cheers, parsnip

  9. I wonder who the first person was that thought "hey, why don't I try emailing this and see what happens?" That's the person who should really find a bridge!

    Though, 6.5 million would be nice... :)

  10. Oh oh what toxic bitter comments, who the hell are you ! You have much time to waste on such stupid things , are you retired or may be having no real job .A mystery !

  11. A toxic bitter comment about toxic bitter ironic.

    1. I suspect she's got too much anger and too much time of her (his?) hands. There's a rumor that she is really a he.

      I'd just block her. No time or patience to deal with that sort of idiocy.

    2. That was supposed to be "on," not "of."

  12. Does spreading hate and discontent on random websites constitute a "real job?" Where do I sign up?

    1. My employer severely limits my hate and discontent spreading time ... for many people it's just a hobby that brings them toxic, bitter joy.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.