Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

A Night In The Life Of A Cat

4:30 PM. I am most displeased. Who authorized a power outage without clearing it with me first? I am Cat! Hear me roar!

4:35 PM. The staff seems to be taking all of this well indeed. She has stepped outside to turn on the generator. Unfortunately all that does is keep the freezer going, with enough juice left for one or two other appliances. Not the lights.

4:50 PM. The staff is back inside, thoroughly snowy. Staff, I want you to write a tersely worded letter to the hydro company, telling them in no uncertain words that they can rot in hell for all eternity, and if they don't like it, there's a middle finger fully extended for them to consider.

4:52 PM. The staff didn't seem to understand my insistence about the letter. Instead she went upstairs. I gaze at the cuckoo clock. One of my most hated enemies pops out of a little slot up there every hour on the hour. One of these days, Cuckoo Bird, you and I will have our reckoning.

4:55 PM. The staff comes back downstairs wearing an extra sweater. Staff, I demand that you call the hydro service and find out when the power will be back on. Staff? Staff?

Hey, get back here!

4:59 PM. Watching the clock. Waiting for the imminent appearance of my hated nemesis.

5:00 PM. There he is. Cuckoo!  I don't care that it's not a real bird, it's still intruding in my space!

One of these days, bird, one of these days...

5:55 PM. The staff is making herself some sandwiches. You had better be including something for me in there. Chicken would do splendidly.

6:00 PM. The staff gives me field rations in the bowl. Staff, I don't care that the power is out, I will not eat field rations twice in one day!

I walk away in a snit.

6:05 PM. The staff settles down on the couch in the living room. She puts a plate down beside her own. It has a few strips of chicken meat on it.

Much better, staff, much better.

6:08 PM. The staff and I eat in companionable silence. 

6:15 PM. Staff, I would remind you that there is ice cream in the fridge freezer, and if this goes on much longer, it might melt. We can't chance on waiting til morning. I think we need to eat it. I'll even let you have half.

6:35 PM. The staff seems to enjoy candlelight. I don't particularly know why. Candles smell like wax, and the light is kind of mesmerizing. 

7:05 PM. The staff brings back two bowls from the kitchen. Sure enough, they contain ice cream. Strawberry and cream, just the way I like it.

Now this is good treatment, staff. Is there more? We really ought to finish it all up so that it doesn't go bad....

7:30 PM. Satisfied by a good dinner, despite the power outage. Not sure why the staff even bothered pouring in field rations into that bowl... I'm not going to touch it, after all.

8:55 PM. Waking up from a nap by the fireplace. Feels very pleasant to have all this warmth. The staff has been putting together a bed near the fireplace.

Well, staff, this is what you get for not having a generator that'll power up the furnace too. You get to spend the night outside of your bed. 

I get prime spot by the fireplace, though. Just so you know.

9:20 PM. The staff is reading. I'm sitting on the couch staring out into the night. Can't even make out the road from here. 

9:30 PM. I wonder what that annoying dog from down the road is doing right about now. Probably wagging his annoying tail and drooling like the annoying idiot he is.

10:15 PM. Just how long does it take for these power crews to actually restore power? Will someone explain that to me?

11:25 PM. The staff says she's turning in. Leaves a light switch on in the kitchen in case the power comes back on. What? You're not going to stay up to see how long it takes?

11:50 PM. Watching the staff sleeping by firelight. She seems entirely too comfortable. Maybe I ought to walk all over her for no reason at all.

12:40 AM. Contemplating how best to make use of the staff as a food source should the storm go on for days and we run out of food. Note to self: only as a last resort.

2:55 AM. Sitting on back of couch, staring out into blizzard, twitching my tail. Come on, hydro crews! Hurry up already! I haven't got all night!

3:52 AM. My mind is wandering as I continue my vigil to await the restoration of power. What is the meaning of life? Is catnip the ultimate reward? Just what does that despicable red dot want? And what is the purpose of dogs?

4:35 AM. Suddenly the lights come on in the kitchen and the appliances hum back to working order. Oh, wonderful. It only took the hydro crews twelve hours plus.

Assuming the power doesn't go out again in five minutes.

4:45 AM. Settling down beside the staff. Power back on or not, that fireplace looks nice and relaxing and comfortable. I can sleep for a thousand years. Wake me up if there's a sale on catnip.


  1. Omg, I'm dying over the "Where should I vomit?" one. So funny.

  2. The kitty pondering over where to vomit is too funny! I really love the one with the dog sitting on the cat too. Does that make me evil? ;)

  3. Grumpy Cat is back!

    I saw on TV this morning--today is (no joke) National Answer Your Cat's Question Day....

  4. Love the "Oh your home early" one.
    And of course you always eat the ice cream first !

    cheers, parsnip

  5. Where shall I vomit today - ahahahaha! That pretty much captures it all:))

  6. Oh, yay! I've missed coming over here and seeing these!

  7. I hope that contemplation of how to use staff as a food source isn't what I think it is!

  8. @Krisztina: just the sort of thing a cat would do...

    @Kelly: it might!

    @Norma: but how can we read the mind of a superior being?

    @Parsnip: ice cream is too delicious to let melt!

    @LondonLulu: yes it does.

    @Shelly: that is a cat thing!

    @Talli: good to see you over here!

    @Cheryl: cats will be cats, and they must above all survive!

  9. My gosh, where do you find these photos! lol

    The possum and cat is priceless!!

  10. A few shots of grumpy cat that I haven't seen before--love that cat! Fun post :)

  11. The dog sitting on that cat killed me. Too funny!

  12. They are all funny but I like the Grumpy Cat ones the best!

  13. These are sooo funny! I have two cats so can really relate. We have a Great Dane who sits on the furniture like a person and the other day the cat was in the chair he wanted to sit on sooo, he sat on the cat! Too funny! Thanks for the laugh!!!

  14. Awwww! George waiting for tickle torture wins it for me, soooo cute :)

  15. Power outages suck. So do field rations. But heck, you got a fireplace, it can't be all bad. And ice cream? Okay, that would be the last thing I want today!
    COFFEE! **


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