Now then, it's been much too long since I've
tormented... I mean, featured this particular recurring character. So needless to say, it's time to bring back our favourite RCMP Inspector, who had himself an eventful New Year's Eve...
From the journals of Inspector Lars Ulrich; January 5th.
I wasn't even supposed to be there that night. I was supposed to be on duty. My detachment needed some supervising. There's one too many new recruits there, and when you have too many new recruits around, it can lead to trouble. Maple syrup being guzzled while still on duty, for instance, and we can't have that. Besides, that whole countdown to midnight and Auld Lang Syne thing just seems silly to me.
Well, the higher ups wouldn't have it. They told me to take the night off, gave me a pass to a party in Calgary and told me to show up in my dress uniform. So I left Corporal Hutchins in charge- she's got a good head on her shoulders, and can take down a three hundred pound suspect in five seconds- and polished up my boots, got the uniform ready to go. The red serge must always be presentable.
There were already a lot of people there when I turned up. Heads turned as I walked in. Maybe it's the uniform that has that effect. Maybe it's my reputation that precedes me. After all, people recognize Lars Ulrich when they see me. All except for entertainment reporters, who seem to think I'm some kind of half deaf heavy metal drummer and can't take a hint and just leave me alone. I hate entertainment reporters.
Then I saw her.
For a moment my breath was taken away. I thought that was just an expression. She looked ravishing... in a black dress that showed off all the right curves. Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered... that's the way I felt looking at her. I couldn't help myself but look at her. And she locked her gaze on me. Again, maybe it's the uniform. It does attract the ladies. Must be the red serge.
She walked through the crowd, right for me. I hoped my uniform was as pristine as it had been when I gave it a good going over. I watched her as she approached. She was the kind of woman you'd abandon hunting a suspect for. The kind of woman that would lead a man to cross hundreds of miles of desolate tundra just to get home to. The kind of woman you'd like to spend a cold winter's night with, huddled under a few Hudson's Bay blankets before a roaring fire... with not a stitch of clothing on between the two of you. She introduced herself to me. Evangeline. What a name.
We danced the night away. Everyone was around us, but it was as if we were the only two people in the room. You know how it is, feeling like you've just had a thunderbolt come into your life? It's a strange thing, just meeting a woman and having visions of settling down in a cabin out in the woods and raising two or three little future Mounties. But that's the way it was. It felt like I had known her for years. Maybe forever.
Which was when life pulled the rug from under me.
With less than a minute til midnight, she looked me straight in the eyes, told me she worked for Access Hollywood, and asked if Metallica is going out on tour this year.
I was floored. Flabbergasted. Appalled. I had spent the night dancing with her... making plans about the future, flirting and engaging in wild dreams...
And she was one of the enemy???
I sighed, rolled my eyes, told her that I wasn't that Lars Ulrich. And I walked away.
What a rotten way to start a new year.