Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, October 28, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links to see to before we get started today. Norma has some good news at her blogger page, and over at her Beishir Books page if you prefer wordpress. Have a look over at Lorelei's blog, where her latest posts are on vampires, and she's doing a giveaway until Hallowe'en, and a sale on her books as well. Head on over and comment. Shelly has been writing several days of flash fiction at Secondhand Shoes with a ghost story. And since I'm turning things over to the cat today, have a peek at more kitties, at Barbara's blog and at Deb's blog where Audrey strikes a pose.

7:35 AM. Awake. The staff is busy in the kitchen. Making my breakfast, no doubt. It had better be something tastier than field rations.

7:37 AM. All too predictable. I roll my eyes in dismay. The staff has put field rations in my bowl.

7:40 AM. After some great reluctance, I have started to eat some of the field rations. Staff, would it kill you to feed me properly in the morning?

7:43 AM. Out the door to survey my domain. The staff says something about coming back in a hurry. Oh, staff, your schedule means nothing to me. I'll come back when I'm good and ready.

7:55 AM. Out on my rounds. I hear that idiot dog somewhere off in the distance, howling like an idiot, which of course he is.

Just as long as he doesn't bother me.

8:25 AM. Back home. The car is gone.

Why does the staff feel free to leave without my express permission?

She must have gone to that work place.

9:15 AM. Stopping in at Mrs. McIntyre's house. She's good company. I find her out on the front porch, putting out garish decorations. Oh, yes. It's Hallowe'en. Hello, Mrs. McIntyre. Can you give a few hours refuge to a higher form of life cruelly locked out by her absent staff?

9:40 AM. Watching Mrs. McIntyre doing some pumpkin carving. I really don't understand the compulsion by humans to brutally vandalize pumpkins and turn them into these jack o'lantern things....

1:15 PM. Waking up from nice long nap by the fireplace. Time to see what Mrs. McIntyre has for lunch...

1:20 PM. Ah, this is living! Cold milk and fresh salmon. Mrs. McIntyre, you could teach humans lessons in how to treat cats as they deserve...

4:55 PM. Coming home. Have bid goodbye to Mrs. McIntyre with thanks for her hospitality and some extra purrs. I can see the staff's car out front. It's about time...

4:57 PM. The staff is busy putting decorations out front for the evening. I don't see what hanging skeletons have to do with anything, staff. If you want to scare someone, spray the front of the house with dog breath. Or even better, put a couple mannequins of vets out front.

5:15 PM. The staff is using a carving knife to decimate the front of a pumpkin. Humans. I'll never understand them...

5:30 PM. Finished. She's pleased with the result. I think the jack o'lantern looks like a growling dog.

6:15 PM. The human is cooking macaroni and cheese. Good comfort food. Her four cheese sauce. I'll have to rub my head against her legs and purr a lot. I like the taste of that stuff...

6:35 PM. The staff and I settle down to dinner. Indeed, she's given me some nice hot mac and cheese. For some reason, she eats garlic and cheese bread along with it. No, thank you, staff, garlic bread is the sort of thing you feed a dog. Probably explains their breath. Let me guess, using garlic to ward off vampires tonight?

7:10 PM. The first of the trick or treaters is at the door. Four kids, dressed like Minions. The staff is cheerful. Just as long as you don't start thinking of having any children yourself, staff....

7:25 PM. More trick or treaters. I watch from the front window. Strange costumes, kids with bandannas and fake beards. Oh, I get it, they're dressed like those guys from that pointless reality show about duck hunters. What is it with reality shows? And they've got a dog with them. Not the idiot dog from down the road, but like all dogs, wagging its tail and looking deliriously happy. Dogs are idiots.

7:35 PM. I inspect the contents of the bowl the staff is using as she replenishes it for more trick or treaters. Chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate. Why are all these bars that small? Shouldn't they be regular sized?

And why not use catnip treats instead for trick or treating? 

7:50 PM. Observing more trick or treaters. Wondering what parent thinks dressing a kid up like Miley Cyrus was a good idea.

8:10 PM. More trick or treaters coming up the walk. They have a dog with them. Even the dog is in costume. Looks like a pirate.

I never thought I'd say this... but I feel sorry for that dog.

8:55 PM. I take it the trick or treaters are done for the evening, staff? 

She's looking at the television listings. Mutters something about Dracula. Just as long as it's not zombies. 

9:01 PM. Oh, this version. Yes, while I suppose I can appreciate Gary Oldman playing the immortal vamp, and there's something to be said for Winona and Anthony Hopkins in this movie... it does have a rather big flaw. Keanu's in it. And the confused look he seems to have in his eyes, well, I'll just say it, staff. 

He reminds me of a dog.

9:40 PM. You know, watching that scene with Keanu and the three vampire brides on the bed, I'm compelled to wonder if the director brought a soft porn adviser in for that scene. 

10:10 PM. I wonder if the director was ingesting some illegal substances while making this film. That's the only reason I can imagine for some of these scenes...

11:12 PM. Big fight at the gates. The heroes are all trying to get at the Big Bad Count. Tell me, staff, how has Keanu Reeves survived to this point?

Oh, well.... at least this movie features a proper vampire, as opposed to one of those sparkly ones.

11:17 PM. And lo and behold, there goes Winona chopping off his head. Well, he had it coming. He had the audacity to lower himself to take canine form earlier in the movie, after all...

11:55 PM. The staff is setting off for the night. I find myself staring at that jack o'lantern sitting on the front windowsill. 

It still reminds me of a growling dog....


  1. The comics are the best, although, it may have been a tie between them and Grumpy Cat.

  2. I love Grumpy Cat! Just got a Grumpy Cat T-shirt!

  3. Yeah. Who would dress their kid up as Miley Cyrus. That would be crazy.

    Love the kitty pics.

    Hugs and chocolate,

  4. Bow-ties are definitely cool :) And I think you need to do a post on the duck hunters--how did they get a reality show? :)

  5. I love the cat in the knitted bonnet but all of them are funny.

  6. I like you 'Day in the life of a dog' series William but I looooooove your 'day in the life of a cat'... Cat's are so luxuriously independent aren't they? I really need to get myself a putty tat :)

  7. The row of cats at the window is my house!
    Jane x

  8. My cat lies in the sink like that. So weird.

  9. At last, the truth about Passive Resistance!

  10. I'll see your Dick Cheney and raise you a Nancy Pelosi!

    I assume you are part of the staff. I looked at one of my cats curled up on the corner of my waterbed and had a very hard to control urge to jump in to see if I could pop her off...

  11. @Mari: Grumpy Cat would glare at the cartoons

    @Norma: She's everywhere!

    @Shelly: thank you!

    @Meradeth: there's an idea...

    @Deb: isn't it a cute kitty?

    @Grace: puddy tats are irresistable!

    @Jane and Chris: lots of intense concentration out of your kitties too when a squirrel passes by?

    @Kelly: it must be comfortable!

    @Lynn: yes, it explains a lot!

    @Anonymous: cats and water beds could be a dangerous combination...

  12. That cat with the bowtie is so cute. Loved the cat on the leash pic. Too funny.

  13. Kitties and laptops, I don't understand the relationship, but my daughter's new kitten caused my banking session to time out. lol

    Leo on my laptop

  14. Ah my favorite! The cat's diary. :D

  15. Love the cat blogs! So do my cats!

  16. Very very funny post today.

    cheers, parsnip


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