Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, October 5, 2013

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Before starting off today, two items of note to check out. First, have a peek at Norma's blog, where she offers up thoughts on the train wreck that is Miley Cyrus. Then, check out our joint blog, for a gag image post called Death By Fluffy Bunny. Now then, since we had the dog's point of view last time out, it's time for the cat to be front and center....

7:50 AM. Slowly waking up. Dreamed of chasing a road runner. Did not require Acme equipment to catch it. And unlike a certain moronic coyote whose plans constantly backfire, my attack was successful.

8:00 AM. Well, it's about time you came downstairs, staff. Did you know I've been awake a whole ten minutes and you weren't waiting on me hand and foot? Chop chop, get to it. I expect breakfast.

And for the two hundredth time this year, no field rations.

8:05 AM. The staff gives me field rations. 

Dry kibbles. Staff, you really must shape up. I am very disappointed in you.

8:08 AM. After much reluctance, I begin to eat field rations.

8:12 AM. The staff lets me out the back door. I pause, feeling chilled, and see the lawn.

Who permitted frost to settle last night without consulting me???

8:17 AM. Busy sniffing at all of the frosted ground. Oh, this will not do, this will not do at all. It is too early for frost. And we all know that frost is a prelude of winter...

8:20 AM. The staff drives off. Wait a minute, staff, you didn't let me back into the house.


Oh, drat. This is a work day.

I'm stuck out here all day.

8:35 AM. Continuing my investigation of the unwanted frost on my grass. Whoever thought this was a bright idea must answer for it. Preferably with a few scratches across the face.

8:40 AM. I can hear that idiot dog off in the distance, barking his idiot head off.

Dear Isis, why did you plague the world with dogs?

9:10 AM. On a stroll. Watchful for any sign of that irritating mutt. I spot Captain Elsinore, Pursuer Of Mice And Shredder of Cashmere. Or Bonkers as his staff calls him.

9:12 AM. Captain Elsinore and I confer. We both find ourselves locked out of our residences today by our lowly staff. We agree that we are most displeased by the frost. 

9:20 AM. Captain Elsinore and I part ways after agreeing to share any intelligence on enemy movements among the canines. Dogs are so very predictable too. And easily distracted. Throw them a tennis ball and they'll be occupied for hours...

10:05 AM. I stop in to see Mrs. McIntyre. Now she knows how to treat a cat. She's good people.

10:07 AM. My meows have brought Mrs. McIntyre to the door. She lets me in, says hello, scratches me behind the ears, and asks if I'm feeling hungry.

10:10 AM. Purring whilst feasting on a bowl of tuna and a side of milk. Mrs. McIntyre, could I adopt you?

1:35 PM. Waking up after long nap by fireplace. Now this is living.

2:10 PM. Mrs. McIntyre and I have a long conversation over tea. Well, she's drinking the tea, and I'm nibbling on some of the treats she always keeps on hand.

You know, you really need to give my staff some pointers on how to treat a superior form of life. 

3:50 PM. Bidding farewell to Mrs. McIntyre. It's been swell today, and you're just peaches. Thanks for the company!

4:15 PM. Back home after my roundabout route. No sign of the staff yet. 

How long does that whole work thing take?

5:20 PM. Carefully watching while a skunk passes through the backyard. No, by all means, just as long as you don't get startled and accidentally fire off that bio-weapon of yours, just keep walking. I'll stay here, thank you very much.

5:50 PM. The staff finally turns up in the driveway. It's about time, staff. I'm feeling hungry.

6:10 PM. The staff chatters on about her day. Yes, yes. Just make with the delicious dinner, pronto.

6:40 PM. The staff is slicing up lamb chops after cooking. I rub my head against her legs and purr madly in an effort to get her to actually give me some.

She sets a plate with meat down.

This is much better than field rations, staff. If only I could get you to feed me this in the morning...

8:05 PM. That Phillips buffoon from Environment Canada is on the television cable news, proclaiming that it might be a long winter in parts of the country. Define long. Will that mean more than the usual seven months?

The staff says she wishes that guy would make up his mind just one time.

11:00 PM. Staff watching national news. Starts off with something about a shutdown and someone named Cruz using the Declaration of Independence as a paper airplane.

Humans are silly creatures, staff. I mean, really. Even for humans, that's silly.

11:40 PM. Staff off to bed. Turns off lights as she goes upstairs. Hey, wait a minute, you only go to bed when I allow it! What if I want to be waited on? Staff?

Rats, she's gone.

Just how do you steal a Declaration of Independence and fold it into a paper airplane anyway?


  1. I love, love, LOVE Grumpy Cat!

    The stores here are now selling Grumpy Cat merchandise....

    You do think like a cat!

  2. Thanks for the laughs, William. I especially like the canary on top of the cage containing a cat!

  3. I give kudos to the person who managed to get the one cat in a canary cage. I couldn't get my cat in a very large dog kennel in order to take her to the vet. I'm here as witness, that deed is the most difficult task EVER. NO LIE!!

  4. My dogs are acting like idiots right now and you could throw them anything but it still wouldn't quiet them down. They are hyper sensitive to noise because all summer no one came around and now the Canadians are coming! Cute post.

  5. Lots of smiles for the day!
    I'm involved in an event connected to Nuit Blanche but i'm not working the all night shift.

  6. These were fun. I got to see about half of them (damn, slow Internet), but funny pics. Grumpy Cat for President! Hah! Might as well run, who else they got?

  7. @Norma: Grumpy Cat is such a sweetie!

    @Jane and Chris: isn't he just adorable?

    @Lynn: poor kitty!

    @Diane: it was always a struggle to get cats into any carrier...

    @Eve: lots of Canadians coming soon...

    @RedPat: enjoy yourself tonight at Nuit Blanche!

    @Lorelei: Grumpy Cat would do splendidly!

  8. Get a Scottish Terrier they are the cats of the dog world and so much more fun that a cat.
    I have several friends who cats have knocked down their Christmas trees or destroyed decorations every year...
    My dogs have never done that.

    cheers, parsnip

  9. This is my favorite one yet, from start to finish, William. :)

  10. Loved it!! Captain Elsinore, Slayer of Mice, Shreder of Cashmere, aka Bonkers to his staff--too cute:)!

  11. I've actually heard of this Cruz fella due to the shutting down of the US! Oh dear! The world not only needs more Grumpy Cats but Mrs Mackintyres! Take care

  12. Yup I bet all cats do that..visit neighbors for snacks and cuddles when 'staff' go to work..enlightening William :)

  13. I'm always trawling Grumpy Cat on FB. Loved the post-fun!

  14. Loved the one with the cats and plants! I swear animals think everything in your house is either for their use or in their way. No in-between! LOL

  15. Love the Screw The System pic (and place in A Day In The Life). I'm lovin' on that feline alter ego.

  16. So funny. Well nothing ever tops grumpy cat now.

  17. Don't know about anybody else but I'm voting for Grumpy Cat in 2016!


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