Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, December 24, 2012

Holding Santa For Ransom And Other Misadventures

"I will remind you, sir, that you dress in a big red suit, and run a secretive global operation handing out free toys to children, thus undermining the capitalist free market, so I think we already know the answer to the next question. I will ask you, sir, are you now, or have you ever been, a member of the communist party?"

"Ho ho ho! Senator Joe's been a bad boy! Ho ho ho!"  ~ taken from Congressional transcripts, exchange between Senator McCarthy and Santa Claus, December 1953

"Hello, 911? I need to report a shooting. Yes. Well, I did the shooting. Um, yes, the person I shot is still here. I think he's dead. Well, I heard some noise on the roof, and in the chimney, and downstairs, so I came down with my elephant gun... I keep that in the house just in case, and there he was, this big guy in a red suit with a long white beard. He had a huge bag over his shoulder, and he was crouched by my Christmas tree. So I shot him. I thought he was going to steal everything... well, that's not the worst part. I think he's Santa. At least that's what his wallet says. Hey, I thought Santa didn't actually exist! What am I supposed to tell my grandkids when they turn up in the morning and Grandpa and Granny's house is a crime scene?" ~ Bob Twigell, after shooting Santa, Boise Idaho, 1998

"Listen, you insufferable twit. For the last time, I am not that Lars Ulrich, so stop asking me questions about whether or not Metallica is putting out a Christmas album!!" ~ RCMP Inspector Lars Ulrich, just before dropping Access Hollywood reporter Skip Jones into Dead Man's Canyon, December 2012

Well, it's Christmas once more, and so I have other places for you to see. For a more serious look at Christmas Past, check out Norma's blog. Over at our joint blog, we have a Without A Word blog marking Christmas. Eve puts her own spin on Twas The Night Before Christmas at The Desert Rocks. Lena marks the serious side of the season at her blog Pearldrops on the Page. Krisztina has been doing a Christmas blog filled with ideas and recipes for the season. At her blog Two Little Square Dogs, Gayle has Christmas decorations up and about. Karla has her own Christmas greetings and an offer at her blog, Telega Tales. Tracy reflects on Christmas at Expression Express.  Old Kitty and her cats send you Christmas greetings at Ten Lives And Second Chances. And GK writes a very different kind of Santa letter at her blog.

And for photo blogs marking the season, check out these photo blogs: Bob at Saint Louis Daily Photo, Grace at Perth Daily Photo, Red Pat at Occasional Toronto, Ben and Fern at Victoria Daily Photo, LondonLulu at Princeton Daily Photo, and Virginia at Birmingham Daily Photo. 

On this Christmas Eve, I thought I'd go all out with an image blog of cartoons, editorial cartoons, and cute dog and cat pics all around. Have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year, and whatever you do, don't ask Inspector Ulrich to jam with your band in a heavy metal rendition of Jingle Bells. It really, really annoys him.

"I'd better get a really good bone as a present for dressing like this..."



  1. And a Merry Christmas to YOU, Inspector Ulrich!

    I'm waiting for the Grumpy Cat Christmas Special on TV. In the meantime, you've managed to cheer me up, partner. Thanks!

  2. My Emma!!:) Lol. She got a very big bone and has already forgotten all about the Christmas sweater. Dogs are stupid like that!
    I love that grumpy cat.:)

    Have a Merry Christmas!!

  3. Ha, my cat is totally the official decorations inspector. Merry Christmas, I wish you!

  4. Oh, I love Grumpy Cat...oh, and Krisztina's dog looks cute in his wife-beater shirt...LOL

    Merry Christmas to you, William...and I hope you have a wonderful New Year!!

  5. Cat nuts roasting by an open fire. I just spewed some snot.

  6. @Norma: Merry Christmas!

    @Krisztina: Emma looks so cute in that thing!

    @Whisk: so do I!

    @Carla: Merry Christmas to you!

    @Beth: Merry Christmas!

    @Karla: I thought someone would mention that one!

  7. Hahaha! I LOVE the cartoon with the writer asking Santa for an agent. Hope you don't mind if I give you a shout out on Little Light's facebook page and share that cartoon with folks.

    Merry Christmas!!

  8. A super post! Merry Christmas to you! ;-)

  9. These are too funny. Merry Christmas!

  10. A flat reindeer. And kitties eating Santa's cookies. Loved it!

    Hugs and chocolate,

  11. William, Hope you are well and best for xmas and 2013! I've been very negligent in my wishes but wanted to say it's been wonderful getting to know you
    this past year. Thanks for your support which has been tremendous.

    Big hugs,


  12. I did read these before Christmas and had a good laugh William, then something happened to distract me and I haven't had time to even look at my computer since then. I hope yourself and family have had a wonderful Christmas. New Year soon and then we start all over again seeing as the world is still spinning haha!

  13. @Jen: I laughed when I saw it!

    @RedPat: thank you!

    @Kelly: thanks!

    @Shelly: there must be tuna in those cookies...

    @Eden: thanks!

    @Grace: I get distracted easily myself!

  14. hahaha such delight, William :) Love the cats especially!
    Happy Holidays!

  15. Awesome collection of cartoons. Politics, cats and dogs--poor Santa.
    Thanks for the mention and I love all the other mentions too!

  16. And just how did you get my picture sitting on Santa's lap? FYI, he did NOT bring me an office with a door!

  17. Great Christmas post. Happy Holidays!

  18. My favorite is Santa with the smart phone... its true. Lots of kids I teach can't handwrite and many can't read it either... (Gr 7 - 9)

  19. @Dezmond: thank you!

    @Eve: poor Santa indeed...

    @Cheryl: that pic does have a resemblance to you!

    @Deb: Happy Holidays to you too!

    @Tracy: it doesn't bode well for the future...

  20. Happy New Year!!!

    This post was hysterical!!!


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