Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

"World domination is mine! All the lowly humans now bow to me! For I am Fluffy! Destroyer of Worlds!" ~ Fluffy, Destroyer Of Worlds 

7:30 AM. Waking up time. Dreamed of chasing squirrels. Annoying bastards. All they ever do is run up trees and chatter away in that evil high pitched yelping thing they do, as if they're outraged at being chased.

7:35 AM. Coming upstairs. Finding human still asleep. Sit at her bedside. Feeling hungry. Come on, I haven't had breakfast yet.

7:45 AM. Okay, that's enough. Bark twice. Human sits up in bed, growling about alarm clocks. Whatever those are.

7:55 AM. Human lets me out the back door for my morning run. Oh, boy! Run run run! Off to the back forty to race around in circles. And maybe find a mud puddle to roll in if I'm lucky.

8:40 AM. Heading back home. No mud puddles as of yet. It didn't rain last night. Oh well. Stopped at fence of neighbour's farm. Barked at horse. Horse glared at me.

8:55 AM. Back at house. Human has breakfast waiting for me. Kibbles are so yummy first thing in the day.

8:56 AM. Finished breakfast. Mused briefly in between bites about how the food might taste better if I didn't just eat it all at once like this. Decided that's just silly. Who has the patience to just eat a bit at a time?

9:10 AM. Human asks me to roll over. Oh, no. Not the tricks.

9:15 AM. I keep staring at human while she keeps asking me to roll over. Dear human, I love you a lot, but I'm not a circus performer.

9:17 AM. Human resorts to bribery, brings out dog biscuits. Oh, boy! My favourite! I'll roll over for those!

9:20 AM. Chasing ball for human. She has me bring it back. She's videotaping me for some reason. Anything for dog biscuits. I can't help myself, I'm addicted to dog biscuits. Yum yum.

1:45 PM. Human off doing chores outside. Wondering when afternoon tea will start. Always good at mooching cookies during tea. I suspect human doesn't mind letting me mooch.

2:20 PM. Television news is on in living room. Anchor talking about elections. Where's a good dog story when you need one? 

2:35 PM. Coverage of candidate with strange name at a campaign stop. First thought: what kind of name is Mitt? A mitt is something we dogs like to chew on.

2:40 PM. Pleasantly surprised. Governor Mitt gets chased up a tree during live coverage by a poodle. Poodle barks and barks at Mitt, who looks like he's crying and quaking in fear. Only right, considering this guy used to bring his dog up to the cottage on the roof of his car, after all....

3:10 PM. Human comes inside. Calls me out for walkies. Oh boy! My favourite time of the day!

3:45 PM. Spotting rabbit while out on walk with human. Must chase rabbit. Human loses my leash as I bolt.  

3:46 PM. Operation Chase The Rabbit ends when rabbit makes it to a hole. Next time, rabbit, next time. Human comes up while I'm barking, asking why she just didn't get a turtle.

4:15 PM. Back in at last. Human starts making afternoon tea. Takes out some cookies. Try my forelorn gaze on her. She gives me cookies. Yummy yummy yummy.

6:45 PM. Dinner time. Human gives me kibbles and canned meat. Yum yum yum. I'm so lucky to be a dog.

10:55 PM. Human talks about calling it quits for the night. Hey, wait a minute. We haven't watched Jon Stewart yet.

Human? Human?

Human has turned off lights and gone upstairs. Oh well.

And here I wanted to see him talk about Governor Mitt getting chased up a tree by a poodle.


  1. So...doggie likes to watch Jon Stewart?

    Our dog used to watch Jay Leno. She got so accustomed to us turning the TV off when he did his lame "Jaywalking " skit that when it was announced, she'd just get up and head for the bedroom!

    Funny as always!

  2. Love the dog drinking out of the sprinkler. My dog tolerates the bath OK because afterwards he gets to play tug with Mr. Towel.

  3. 9:20 is so me and The Square Ones.... I know they look to see "is nice tall person who gives us chkikin' strips (my correct full name) is holding that strange light shinning box thing when we play or do tricks".
    Pampered dugs !

    cheers, parsnip

  4. Cute. Leave it to William to slice some politics into a doggie blog. LOL

  5. OMG, love this!
    I especially like the parenting one. I've had that happen....only it was my cat laying across my hand while I'm trying to play on the computer...

    Great blog, as usual!

  6. Funny. Just last night I asked Sweetman who in the world would name thier kid Mitt?

  7. @Norma: it seemed more of a Jon Stewart moment...

    @Karla: dogs will love that!

    @Parsnip: anything for the treats!

    @Eve: I was thinking of a cartoon with a guy asking another man, "Isn't that your dog biting the president?"

    @Beth: cats will do that!

    @Shelly: I know, it's beyond weird...

  8. Will, great post! I love Fluffy the Destroyer! He is so cute I'd like to take him home! And I agree with Shelly, Mitt is really an odd name? Take care!

  9. Hahah! Love bulldog pics.

    Feel free to take my Maggie in the future. On her belly!


  10. Lol, our four enjoyed reading this! Their life is: Up at 6am, outside to chase lizards if it is not too hot. Eat, chill out, woof, eat, chill out, chase snakes, sleep, sleep and sleep. When it is cooler they run the vineyards. :D

  11. Yes, God keeps forgiving us because of dogs. Thank God!

    Fun post, William.

  12. @Lena: Fluffy merely looks cute!

    @Diane: bulldogs are beautiful!

    @Glynis: I wouldn't have thought dogs would be chasing lizards!

  13. @Lynn and Eve: thanks!

    @Kelly: and more to come!

  14. William, they love them. Great sport when there are two or more under the rocks. We are always rescuing some poor little thing from one dog or other.

  15. That really made me laugh! :O)

  16. @Glynis: I'm sure it annoys the lizards!

    @Barbara: thanks!

  17. OMG, the ones with the dogs and cats are soooo funny!


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