Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, July 28, 2012

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:35 AM. Wake up time. Off in search of human.

7:37 AM. Have found human still asleep in bed. Must wake up human. Pad up to bedside and lick her face. Human grumbles and growls. Human does that a lot first thing in the morning....

7:50 AM. Human comes downstairs and lets me out for my morning run. Off I go, in pursuit of adventure and rabbits. And those annoying little squirrels. I hate squirrels.

9:10 AM. Back home at last. Have been running around the farm like a maniac, sprinting as if my life depended on it. Is anything else that much fun?

9:15 AM. Breakfast missing. This is curious. Human, where is my breakfast?

9:17 AM. Human hooks leash to my collar. But I just came in from a run. What about breakfast?

9:22 AM. Human takes me out to car, saying we're going for a drive. Well, okay, I mean, I love drives, but I'm still confused about the whole missing my breakfast thing. Human? Human? Hey, could you answer my question?

10:05 AM. Human pulls into parking lot of strangely familiar house in countryside. Wondering where I've seen this place before. Human takes me out by leash, bringing me towards front door.

10:06 AM. In front door. Oh no! Now I remember! The slightly antiseptic smell! The brightly lit reception area! The overly friendly receptionist! The cats sitting with their humans, in those silly carry box things!

She brought me to the vet!

10:25 AM. Receptionist calls us in to see Doctor Carter, or as I call her, Doctor Torture. I don't care how friendly she passes herself off as, anyone who injects whatever that stuff is into me whenever I come here operates under cruel and unusual treatment procedures. Human, how could you do this to me? Don't give me that whole regular checkup line. I hate the vet! Every animal hates the vet! I bet if the vet has a dog of her own at home, that dog hates her too!

10:35 AM. Doctor Torture comes into examining room. I detect the slight smell of cat hair on her. Conspiring with the enemy. Another strike against her! Doctor Torture and my human make small talk and chatter away, as if my dislike of vets means nothing.

10:45 AM. Feel sharp prick in my hind quarters. Why do I need shots? Human, you do realize I'm going to have to chew slippers for this outrageous turn of events?

11:00 AM. Doctor Torture is finally finished with me. She and my human chat amicably, and suggest they meet up for lunch next week. Just as long as Doctor Torture doesn't think of coming to our home. I won't stand for it!

1:10 PM. Home at last. Feeling ravenously hungry. Human feeds me a big lunch. Still annoyed with human, but that will pass. Feeling sleepy. Note to self: be wary next time human wants to go for a drive.

5:55 PM. Back inside after long afternoon sleeping outside. Wondering if Doctor Torture put a sedative in with that shot. Evil, evil vet. There should be a law outlawing them.

6:25 PM. Human gives me supper. Apologizes for taking me to vet, but says it has to happen every once in awhile. Wondering about which slipper to chew as payback.

10:45 PM. Human finds remains of slipper in rec room. Human looks at me with dismay. Well, if you didn't take me to the vet, we wouldn't be having this discussion, would we?

Human tells me she's sleeping alone tonight.

Okay, I'll stay down here. Good night.

Gives me a chance to find the other slipper while I'm at it.....


  1. Yep, that sounds pretty accurate. Except I would LOVE it if Rogue let me sleep in until 7:37 =\

  2. LOL William, I think you're finally sympathizing with your canine friends Wonder what it is about the vet? Fiona was four months old and she pissed on him!

  3. I knew Nicole would comment on this one!

    Evie--how do you manage to get here so fast? He sends me an email as soon as he posts, and you still manage to comment before I do mist of the time. You must have bloggy radar!

    As for for you, Sir Wills--you had me worried there. When they ended up at the vet's office, I thought it was neutering time!

  4. @Nicole: Rogue's a morning doggie, huh?

    @Eve: there's that innate I hate vets instinct put into animals!

    @Norma: I suspect this hound's already had that done!

    I think I'll have to include a visit to the vet for the cat blog coming up next....

    And we'll be doing something similar at our joint blog, for a feline character in our book. I'll leave a link in the next blog.

  5. I love the picture with the saying, "It's behind me, isn't it?" Too funny!

  6. The doggie pics are very cute, but I love the conspiratorial pics of the kitties as they lay in wait of their next victim...

    Doggies aren't like that....they're just too cute.

    Great blog as usual.

  7. Love the K9 Olympics photo.
    The joy of running especially for a little doggie. Pure Joy !
    When a small down jumps over something I think in their mind they are soaring over a mountain.

    such a fun post today.

    cheers, parsnip

  8. So funny, thanks! Looking forward to the day in a cat's life.

  9. We hate the Great White Watery Abyss of Torture more than Dr. Devil.

    Sir Poops and Hair Ball

  10. Humans are too fiendish with their devilish games when it comes to taking their owners - sorry - pets - the the vets! Take care

  11. Cute pictures but I have a pet bird and I think you should give equal time to our feathered friends!

  12. @Kelly: one of my favourites of the lot!

    @Beth: dogs like making people think they're innocent!

    @Parsnip: boundless joy, that might be one way to put it!

    @Shelly: they hate it with good reason!

    @Helen: we're working on the joint one, and mine will be up in a couple of days!

    @Kitty: we show them such disrespect when we bring them to the V.E.T.....

    @Deb: I'll have to figure out how to run with that!

  13. You know, after reading this, I really don't think I'd want to be a dog.

  14. Ha! Lassie pushed Timmy in the well!

  15. William, you're hilarious. I found you finally after re-checking your WP blog. Need to reset my RSS to this one.

  16. Pretty hilarious and I'm NOT a pooch guy.

  17. The only time my cats get in their carrier voluntarily is when we are at the vet, and they just had a shot. They hide in the carrier after the shot.

  18. Hilarious! I haven't had a dog in years, but I remember those dreaded vet visits! You summed up the experience perfectly from the dog's POV:).

  19. Even without two dogs, my cats think they're going to die every time they get into a car.

    And I always suspected Lassie pushed Timmie into the well. At least I did after I found out Lassie was a boy.

  20. @Talli: I'd rather be a cat!

    @Lynn: Timmy had it coming!

    @Eden: welcome!

    @Mark and Birdman: thanks!

    @Undercover: I remember having to hold down one of the cats at the vet one day. She was not happy at all...

    @Maria: I had fun with this hound's point of view!

    @Cheryl: Lassie must have been outraged to get the wrong name!


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