Barack Obama And The Order Of The Elephants

"If the terriers and barrifs are torn down, the economy will grow." ~ George W. Bush

"Politics is supposed to be the world's second oldest profession. I have come to realize it bears a very close resemblance to the first." ~ Ronald Reagan

"Did somebody say something about hookers?" ~ Bill Clinton

And so Super Tuesday is done and over with, and I'm back with the second of these blogs covering the mischief. As expected, the vote was split, and none of the remaining Four Stooges seem to be willing to throw in the towel, even if they didn't win a single primary or caucus (Crazy Old Man, I'm looking at you). More of these are yet to come in the days and weeks ahead, and the endless nomination process will no doubt continue all the way to the Republican convention...

A comment was made on Tuesday night on one of our news networks that has stayed with me: the moderate Republican has fled the party, and the GOP has fallen into two camps: the really, really conservative on the one side and the absolutely crazy fringe on the other. The party has completely lost control of the primary process, and has descended into sheer irrationality. It's funny to watch from the outside, but for a reasonable person who once believed in the party, I'd assume they must be horrified at what the party has done to itself.

And the editorial cartoonists have been very busy throughout. Ron Paul, aka the Crazy Old Man, is still in the race, despite not winning a single caucus or primary. He simply can't take a hint and walk away.

Newt Gingrich, meanwhile, returned from the Bermuda Triangle to win his home state of Georgia, though too little too late. Fig Newtons just won't take the hint either and give up. No, the Newtron Bomb continues to insist he's in it for the long haul (at least as of this writing). And having the Mama Grizzly pulling strings and goading him and the Crazy Old Man into staying on certainly doesn't help.

And so we have the front runners, Governor Mittens and Pope Ricky, neither of whom look like an ideal candidate. This is what the Republican party has come to? The party of Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, and Eisenhower have fallen this far?

Rick Santorum, aka Pope Ricky, aka He Whose Last Name Must Not Be Googled, has managed to split the vote on Super Tuesday, picking up some wins. I've given him two more names for the collection, given his overzealous religious fanaticism and Dark Ages worldview. The first is His High And Mightiness. The second, of course, is His Infernal Sanctimoniousness.

Just don't say it to his face. Otherwise the following might happen.

"Your Infernal Sanctiminoniousness..."

"How dare you say that to me! Just for that, I'll have my Swiss Guards, my army of Orcs, and the Flying Monkeys tear you from limb to limb for your disrespect!"

I'm with God on this one. That's how I feel too.

And so the battle continues among the Four Stooges. Or the Four Horsemen Of The Republipocalypse.

Governor Mittens took the lion's share of the winnings on Super Tuesday, but still isn't anywhere near the numbers he needs for the nomination. Maybe it's the notion that Republicans can't see him as a true Conservative. Maybe it's that he's so out of touch. Maybe it's his whacky religious beliefs (hey, I'm blacklisted in Salt Lake City for a reason, you know...). Maybe no one will ever take a guy with the name Mitt seriously.

There's plenty more primaries to come in the endless and torturous ordeal that has become the 2012 Republican nomination process, so I'll be back with more of these. The editorial cartoonists are having a field day with it, and so are the comedians. The rest of us, both within and outside of America, are rolling our eyes, wishing they'd just get the damned election over with already.

The President, meanwhile, has been on one side of the contraceptives flare-up (waiting for the GOP to finally get their act together can get tedious). Of course that was going to draw the ire of the man who never met a buffet table he didn't like, the Missouri Pompous Blowhard, the black hole that sucks all nearby obnoxiousness into himself, the world's biggest jackass.

Yes, I'm talking about Rush Limbaugh, a guy who could use a serious kick in the ass, if not a lesson or three in basic manners. Oh, wait, too late for that. He's too set in his ways. At least the blowhard has never decided to run for office. Yet.

Of course, there are always solutions to self absorbed blowhards, aren't there?