Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Revenge List

"Hatred is blind; rage carries you away; and he who pours out vengeance runs the risk of tasting a bitter draught." -Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

"How did I escape? With difficulty. How did I plan this moment? With pleasure. "  -Alexandre Dumas, The Count of Monte Cristo

"Those who plot the destruction of others often perish in the attempt." -Thomas Moore

"From this time forth, my thoughts be bloody, or be nothing worth!" -William Shakespeare, Hamlet

"I just work for Vizzini to pay the bills. There's not a lot of money in revenge." -Inigo Montoya

He stood alone in the dark upper chamber, staring out into the night, cackling to himself. After so long, his revenge was near, so close. The fools had deserved their fate, and soon he would carry it out. He was so caught up in thoughts of his revenge that he never heard the door open. And he was unaware of the couple who strode into the room. For their part, they were completely unaware of him. Delilah and Diego, caught up in lust, were only aware of each other. The couple had their hands all over each other, locked in a kiss, one that was involving more then a fair share of tongue action.

They bumped into him, and sent him stumbling towards the open window. Startled, he cried out, and fell straight through. Neither of them heard him. Diego was busily stripping off his shirt, and Delilah let her dress fall away from around her shoulders. They came back together, stripping away their remaining clothing, and took to the nearby bed, oblivious to the open window and the man who had been standing there....

Two stories below, the man woke up, lying among the rose bushes, his head aching. He slowly rose to his feet, turned and looked at the house, and wondered where he was. Then he wondered who he was. Little did he know, but he had sustained a blow to the head, triggering what would come to be diagnosed as amnesia.

And so it was that the President of the Dick Cheney Fan Club, a long time believer in the Church Of Vengeance And Settling Scores (headquartered at the Cheney residence, lawyers show up at their peril), and a generally grouchy sort of person (you'd expect something different?) became a generous, kind soul, entirely giving and charitable. He even began a sanctuary for cute puppies and platypuses. Instead of a visit from three ghosts, all it took was a fall from a window and a bump on his head. And a pair of lovers who sent him falling in the first place.

Hey, I could have suggested Cheney himself was the dude falling out of the window, but come on... it's not like he'll ever change.

I'll admit... I do like starting off getting my readers thinking that I'm writing about one thing, and then going with a completely different angle.  Now then, what was I actually blogging about today? Oh, yes.  To start off, one of the blogs I follow is Mike Saxton's 7 Scorpions. You can find the blog here:

 He regularly deals with scammers of one sort of another, frequently from the Nigerian part of the world (a connection between scammers and Nigeria? Who'd have thought?). And he regularly copies and posts the original email to his blog and takes it to task. I suspect he's a scammer magnet. He's like the bright light to their moth.

In the last couple of weeks, I've been getting some odd email myself. I would think these people are mass spamming anyone with an MSN addy with a similar username (not my own, obviously) because the username in the email details is right, but the number contained in the email is wrong. At any rate, I've never posted pictures at MSN, nor interacted with anyone I didn't know.

So two emails have turned up in my email, from people I'd never heard of. Initially I thought, seeing both names, that it was someone getting back to me with some research for the book. I've certainly had that happen. In these cases, however, that's certainly not the case. I'm copying them both here:

Here's the first one, from one Katja Sorensen (no, I've never heard of her).

I am really attracted to your pictures you posted on your page
I know you don't know me but I'm looking to meet some new people
Instead of replying to this mail, just go on MSN msger my names
Add me and send me a line I'll be on all day I am off work
Xo Maddy

-----Forwarded Message-----
From: Madison
To: Undisclosed recipients
Sent: Sun, Jan 9, 2011 6:44 am
Subject: FW: A powerful prayer

This is neat. and "It's come in the nick of time," says he; "so I'll wed them in a hurry, God bless. The king, as far as I could conjecture, asked me several

Each and everyone one of us are going through tough times right now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith.
My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I picked you. Please pass this to at least (4) people you want to be blessed and a copy back to me.
This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive.
There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.

The prayer:
Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those that I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

substance, about twice the bigness of our heads. Within each of

if possible before sunrise so as to avoid customs, a box PEGEEN. It's the truth they're saying, and if I'd that lad in the house, I


And just like that, it cuts off.

Here's the second one, from another unknown idiot by the name of Mounir Reffas:

hey im off work paying my respects to Martin Luther King!
you look really hot on your profilepics ill send you some of mine
maybe youd be interested in talking with me since im new here
instead of replying to this email, go on msn-messengar is my screanname
just shoot me a line and add it, ill be on all day

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Madison
To: Undisclosed
Sent: Mon, January 17th, 2011 10:30:47 PM
Subject: Fwd: considered how all these pure native virtues were prostituted for

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers"

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

Untruthful! My nephew Algernon? Impossible! He is an Oxonian.

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Is there fate amongst us still, send down from the pagan

Happy Martin Luther King Day

Do tell me... what are these people snorting?

I know, I know... even think of responding, and I'll get spammed with stalkers and nonsense from now until July. Of 2018.

Some things I'd like to make note of first, and one's this line:

if possible before sunrise so as to avoid customs, a box PEGEEN.

I take it this is an instruction about drug smuggling or people smuggling? Who else is concerned about avoiding customs?

Untruthful! My nephew Algernon? Impossible! He is an Oxonian.

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

To the scammers: keep this up, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you. And tell him that you're lawyers. That'll give him more of a reason to go into his patented The Most Dangerous Game mode. He might even give you a head start.


  1. I see Delilah and Diego are back.

    How many times have I told you you're a nut magnet? This just proves it!

  2. Who knew I would enjoy lust and Cheney at the same time?

  3. if you let cheney fall out the window he would definitley come after you. I get spam too and boy they must think am daft or something.

  4. Sounds like a good reason not to have MSN...
    I don't get emails like that, but once in a while I get someone I don't know wanting to be my friend...and, they do sound like drug smugglers or smugglers of something...
    Of course, with an email like countrykittie (which is mine), I tend to get the "other" kind of emails...LOL

  5. I keep getting emails from London(several times a day) where my "ID number has won millions of dollars!" I'm a gazillionaire by now.

  6. I get tons of spam for male enhancers ? I guess angryparsnip is a male vegetable ?
    Like Christina I too am a billionaire if I would only contact some posh sounding Barrister from the UK ! but I won't open the e-mail till they chuck in a title and castle overlooking a river too !
    And sorry to say but I am no fan of Nancy Pelosi I giggled at the Cheney poster, I have lived through her grandstanding when I was living in California and if anyone has delusions of grander it is her. I really think she believes she is the President and not the Person I voted for.

    Your e-mail is interesting and their must be a story idea in there.

    cheers, parsnip

  7. Love the irony of the amnesia. I assume Dick will skip trying to get you extradited, and just send two goons named Otto and Snake to break your kneecaps.

  8. :) Too, funny. Just hit delete when you see the titles to the e-mail. Writers don't have time for such BS. Guess Cheney's gonna come get me. Think he's a real SCHMUCK....:)SCHMUCK-A-ROO

  9. I loved it! Perfect. You do a good job heading in one direction and ending in another. As for scams, who in the bleep believes them? The best one I saw was my husband sending one to himself. Someone got his email address and sent out tons of emails, thinking it was more believable.

  10. Does this mean there is no widow in "Where-ever-astan" that had a husband who did, ded, or died, in a war against "Who-gives-a-damn-a-land-because-I'm-American" and had parents or an uncle or an uncle's parents, or an uncle's parents next door neighbour's dog, who left her millions and needs a total stranger to split the cash with?

    Could this not be one of this offers so good in fact that it passes out of the realm of too good to be true, and is in fact so unbelievable that I should believe it?

    Damn and damn, no solid gold spagetti strainer for me then.

    Thank you for the post, you are so twisted and evil I love you.

  11. Yeah, but the other VP invented the internet.

  12. True, but then again, Mr. Gore's also got that nasty habit of eating brains.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.