Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Yes, You Too Can Be Relationship Spammed By Steroid Freaks

I can relate, buddy. Even if I have no idea what team you coach.

When I was on Myspace regularly, a frequent problem would be the occasional nymphet showing up, mass spamming 5000 guys with the same pictures, the same message that basically read Hi, I'm looking for a sugar daddy or someone to boink while my parents/ husband/ employer/ parole officer isn't paying attention.

I had thought those days were well behind me, what with abandoning Myspace in favour of the much more user friendly (and relationship spammer free) Blogspot and its counterparts. Unfortunately, however, there's Facebook.

For the most part, it's much more rare to have that sort of thing turn up in your inbox. Unless, of course, you enter terms such as "looking for quickies" into your basic profile. Still, from time to time, one does get a friend request, and inevitably it leads to a woman who's "looking for men" profile. Other times, it's someone new who knows someone you know from Facebook. Such a thing happened today, and a quick check of the profile told me she was safe to include.

Yesterday, however, I got a friends request from someone named Butch.

Who's this? I wondered.

A look at the profile of Butch found a body builder, of all things. Barely wearing anything, and obviously a steroid user. Aren't they all? What I didn't find in looking at that profile was any reason Butch would know me. No trace of mutual friends, no common interests, so... I'm forced to conclude that Butch was pulling the "Hey, will you be my boink buddy" routine. Why else would one circulate such pictures of oneself to strange men?

Sorry, Butch. You're entirely lacking in the sort of equipment that interests me, buddy, so no, I'll pass. Besides, even if I would swing that way, steroid freaks are just that... freaks. Emphasis on freaks. Such as this fellow:

Or him:

Come on... who really wants to look like this?

The relationship spammer. Everytime one of them turns up somewhere, whether it's Myspace, Facebook, or elsewhere on the great social media network, my reaction to them has to be....


  1. Hey, I think the squirrel is cute! The others may be freaks, but this guy looks like a possible mate for my squatter squirrel....

  2. Is that Sandy from SpongeBob SquarePants?

  3. ha ha Sandy does tend to be muscular doesn't she?
    I have been spammed by russian girls who have a thing for European men, how disappointed will they be if i invite them over?

  4. Interesting, but I have a thing for half keg abs.

  5. I'll bet Butch isn't so butchy....I'll bet he's a nerd with tape around his glasses and a pocket protector...That picture was probably one he found off the internet and he's just pretending to be "Butch"...his name is really Elmo

  6. Elmo? I killed Elmo....

    ....right before Russel Brand had a chance to finish off the little red menace.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.