Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Friday, December 3, 2010

C Is For Cross Dimensional Elmos

From time to time, worlds collide. Among my other activities online, I compile a column for the Comixfan website with weekly picks for comics titles. A couple of weeks ago, here was a blurb I wrote up for a release:

Zatanna #7
: Paul Dini
Artist: Stephane Roux, Jesus Raiz
Publisher: DC

Paul Dini continues his run on Zatanna, and I hope it's a long run. This title is one of my favourites each month, with strong characterization, plotting, and attention to detail. Once upon a time, Zatanna nearly died at the hands of a puppet master. Now it seems he's back from beyond the grave, and our girl Zee has puppet troubles. And as we all know, puppets are evil. Elmo, I'm talking about you, you little red menace.

I couldn't resist putting in that little dig at Elmo. The opportunity was there, so of course I had to run with it.

One of the other things I've done over there for quite awhile has been writing parodies. Those of you who have been reading my blogs here for awhile can appreciate my general style; well, it got its start over there, and it's developed enough now that I refer to it as the Keoghverse. Here then, is a parody based on the cover of that above comic, written up earlier today. No, this won't make a lot of sense, but then, hey... it's me!

The DC universe; Metropolis. Artist Stephane Roux has brought together the JLA magician Zatanna and a group of puppets for a publicity sketch. By a trick of fate, the puppets happen to be alive... at least they're mobile and chatty. A small Big Bird is one of them. Another small one is Grover... with a lot of teeth. There's a puppet in a tuxedo, another who's an old man, and yet another who appears to be a marionette. Last of the lot is a puppet on the floor with a deliriously odd expression, brandishing a baseball bat. Roux sits nearby, drawing at a sketchboard. Zatanna looks around her, dismayed by the evil expressions she's seeing among the puppets.

Zatanna: How is it these puppets are... well, alive?
Roux: You'll have to ask them. Just let me get finished.
Old Man: We're not really alive. Not by your reckoning.
Zatanna: No, but you're talking. Without someone's hand up your tush.
Tuxedo: Oh, come on, Zatanna. Tush is such a sensitive way to describe it.
Bat Boy: Indeed. You could say that someone's hand is giving us a colonoscopy.
Zatanna:  What a hideous visual place I went to. That's not how I'd describe it.
Big Bird: Look, the fact of the matter is that we're talking, thinking, and plotting.
Grover: Big Bird, sir! Do not speak of the plotting, sir! Not until we are ready, sir!
Zatanna: You do realize that the real Grover doesn't have vampire teeth... right?
Marionette: Now don't you go confusing us with details, Zatanna.
Old Man: That'll only get us wandering madly off in all directions.
Bat Boy: Details are things that never lead to happy endings.
Big Bird: Unlike certain massage parlors, which of course do.
Grover: Oh, yes, sir! I did love having my own happy ending!
Zatanna: Sorry.. aren't you all supposed to be children's toys?
Bat Boy: Awww, children are rug rats and brats. Didn't you know?
Old Man: Besides, everyone knows that puppets are evil to the core.
Marionette: Especially puppets that don't need someone's hand up their tush.
Tuxedo: What did I just say about tush sounding too sensitive to describe it..?
Bat Boy: Give him a break. He got designed by an artist. Not like me, no way.
Zatanna: Then who designed you?
Bat Boy: It was Ty Cobb, actually.
Zatanna: That baseball player...?
Bat Boy: The one and the same.
Zatanna: Come on.... that's silly.
Bat Boy: He wanted a puppet that was as much of an SOB as him.
Old Man: I was designed by a...a... let's see, who was my creator?
Big Bird: Grover and I were created by the dark wizard Jim Henson.
Zatanna: Wait a minute... you're saying Jim Henson was a wizard..?
Big Bird: You know, for a magician, you don't know much about wizards.
Grover: Jim Henson was the darkest of dark lords, sir! Are you surprised?
Big Bird: He created a vampire for a children's show. Now who does that?
Grover: Answer: a dark lord, sir! I assure you, sir, he was a dark wizard!!
Zatanna: Grover..? Stop calling me sir.
Grover: Certainly sir... I mean ma'am.
Zatanna: And that one's even worse.
Marionette: You're in so much trouble.
Grover: It was just a slip of the tongue!
Zatanna: I suppose this could all be worse.
Big Bird: You think so? What would make it worse?
Zatanna: At least that infernal red menace isn't here.
Big Bird: Oh, you mean Elmo? Yes, he couldn't be here.
Marionette: It turns out the original Elmo in another universe got murdered.
Tuxedo: And as a result, all of the Cross Dimensional Elmos were wiped out.
Old Man: Who'd have thought that one death could lead to a domino effect..?
Zatanna: Wait a minute.... did you actually say the Cross Dimensional Elmos?
Tuxedo: Yes. They called themselves the Council Of Cross Dimensional Elmos.
Marionette: They had the solemn duty to annoy every adult in every dimension.
Zatanna: In that case, they more then pulled off their objective.


  1. You know I've always enjoyed your parodies.

    But couldn't you give poor Elmo a break? It looks as if the poor little guy has come back from the dead as a vampire....

  2. you are getting a talking elmo with no off button and everlast batteries for your birthday.

  3. Wiping Elmo out across every dimension had to be done, Norma!

  4. Joanna--his birthday is February 1st!

    Martin--stop being evil! I know you enjoy it, but it's time to come back from the Dark Side now. Anakin Skywalker made it and so can you.

  5. Had no idea you were a comic book guy, too! This is great!

  6. Joanna and I are clubbing together and sending you two European multi-lingual Elmos! Enjoy!

  7. I still say that I can pass the blame off to my brother, who goaded me into killing off Elmo in the first place.

  8. Amazing stuff!!!

    With great pride do I make this announcement!!!

    You've been nominated for Blogger of the Month. For details check out and encourage your viewers to vote for you!!!


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