A Day In The Life Of A Cat

8:10 AM. First stirrings out of sleep. Feeling hungry. Must seek out staff. Wondering why breakfast is not already waiting for me.

8:15 AM. Staff gets out of bed after I walk all over her. Grumbles to the effect that it's far too early for this. Purr to get her attention.

8:30 AM. Staff finally feeds me breakfast. Am dismayed by field rations of kibbles. Will only be satisfied by grade-A meat. Must find way to express dissatisfaction to staff.

9:10 AM. Staff remarks something about weekend. Remembering it to be day she doesn't have to go to this strange place called work. So much the better. I can be worshipped and adored by staff at leisure. If only staff would improve meals.

10:45 AM. Wake up from morning nap. Staff seems to be making tea. Tried it once. Much too hot for my liking.

10:50 AM. Staff sets down saucer of milk while she drinks tea. This is an improvement, considering the field rations I had for breakfast. Will make note of this. After lunch.

11:20 AM. Staff spends time stroking me and calling me fuzzy wuzzy for some reason. Staff, you must be reminded that I am to be referred to as Your Majesty, Supreme Protector Of The Realm, Tormentor Of Dogs, Slayer Of Mice, And Ultimate Majestrix. Do I have to remind you over and over?

12:10 PM. Staff making her lunch. Pacing back and forth, rubbing my head against her leg, trying to coax her into giving me a proper meal rather than field rations.

12:15 PM. Field rations. Not pleased at all.

12: 35 PM. Decide to take nap. Won't set alarm.

2:25 PM. Wake up from nap. Pester staff into letting me outside.

2:45 PM. Encountering neighbourhood mongrel mutt during my rounds. Must engage in epic battle to teach him who's boss.  

2:50 PM. Victory is mine! Mongrel mutt can't take a swipe from my claws across his snout without yelping and running off. Dogs are idiots.

3 PM. Stretch out on front porch, soaking up sun. Thinking of Sheryl Crow song. Very appropriate. Wondering if Sheryl Crow has cats.

3:05 PM. Mailman stops by on rounds. Leaves mail in mailbox. Strokes my belly and asks if I've been a good cat today. Wondering why dogs hate mailmen.

3:10 PM. Feeling sleepy lying in sun. Will catch a catnap.

4:35 PM. Time to wake up. Dreamed of world domination.

4:45 PM. Pester staff to let me in by ringing doorbell. As expected, plan works perfectly.

4:55 PM. Staff sprays catnip on scratching pole. Must go insane for the next fifteen minutes, consumed by my addiction.

5:20 PM. Finally coming down from catnip nuttiness. Staff heading out. Something about going for groceries. Wondering why groceries can't be delivered here.

5: 30 PM. Settled down at television. For some reason, golf is on. Can't stand golf. Must switch channel.

5:35 PM. Switched to BBC. Sneering and sullen people identified as Beckhams attending fashion show. Don't have much regard for fashion. Don't have much regard for a Beckham. Too irritable-looking. Will switch channel.

5:45. While channel surfing, stopped at MTV. Didn't this channel used to run music videos instead of reality shows?

5:55 PM. Found a nature program. Birds of the Kalahari. Wondering how to get there. They look tasty.

6 PM. Dismayed when show about flying lunch in the Kalahari ends. Show about turtles begins. Don't particularly care for turtles.

6:10 PM. Falling asleep watching CNN. Understand that's a common problem among humans. Surefire cure for insomnia, as staff calls it.

7:05 PM. Wake up from nap. Feeling hungry. Wondering where staff is.

7:15 PM. Speculating staff might have gone off on date instead of for groceries. Was under impression staff had sworn off men after breaking it off with last boyfriend. Just as well; he was a dog person. Wondering if staff might have really sworn off men and might decide to take up with a woman. Only acceptable if she's not a dog person. We can't have another one of those around.

7:35 PM. Staff comes back in with some bags. Greet her at the door by rubbing up against her legs. Try not to make her trip. She might have milk in one of those bags, and we can't have that flying about everywhere, can we?

7:55 PM. Staff puts together dinner for me. Finally gives me dish of tuna alongside field rations of kibbles. This is more like it. Would be even better if it was prime rib in a wine sauce.

8:30 PM. Staff and I sit down together to watch television. Expressing dismay that Flying Lunches Of The Kalahari ended just as it was getting good. Staff selects romantic comedy. Drat. Romantic comedy features Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey. Will roll my eyes. Don't care for either of those two.

9:15 PM. Staff still watching movie. Find myself questioning her taste in movies.

11:35 PM. Time for bed. Staff carries me up with her, cuddling away, calling me fuzzy wuzzy and Miss Bonkers. How many times have I told you, staff? I am to be addressed as Your Majesty. Oh well. Perhaps can reinforce this mentality on her tomorrow....

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:15 AM. Time to wake up. Bright and shiny outside.

7:20 AM. Upstairs to go wake up human. She's not too responsive. Duck head under covers. Lick bare foot. She bolts upright in bed. Grumbles about mornings, takes me downstairs to let me out.

7:40 AM. Busy running around the property. Barked at groundhog. Dug up bone I left here last week. Chewed to my heart's content.

8:10 AM. In for breakfast. Human gives me bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum! My favourite!

8:20 AM. Finished eating breakfast. Looking at human, wondering if I can snatch one of those English muffins off the table while she's not looking.

8:25 AM. No success in Operation English Muffin. Human knows better than to turn her back on me when breakfast is on table. Will mooch something during morning tea.

8:35 AM. Human tells me her sister is coming today to visit. Oh, no. Not the sister. The sister has two human pups who like to grab my tail and make far too much noise. Thinking of making myself scarce for a few hours.

9:10 AM. Human takes me out for walkies.

9:15 AM. Spot rabbit. Start chasing. Human yells for me to come back.

9:45 AM. Finally return home after failing to catch rabbit. Human rolls her eyes and asks why she didn't just buy a cat. Try to remind human that she's not suited for cats. Stymied by lack of ability to communicate in human languages.

10:15 AM. Morning tea time. Human has scones on table. Mooch a few minutes. Mooching works. Human gives me two scones. Yum yum. My favourite!

10:45 AM. Feeling sleepy. Would rather not be caught unawares by potential arrival of sister and her noisy brood. Will sleep on back porch. Makes handy escape route when time comes.

11:55 AM. Woken up by sound of car doors closing and noisy children making noise. Bolt upright and dash off to the back forty acres. Will take refuge and wait until all clear.

12:25 PM. Strolling through field. Catch sight of neighbour's cat. Bark at it. Cat hisses at me and shows its claws. Cats are silly creatures.

3:25 PM. Wandering through woods. Chasing fawn. Misadventure turns against me when mama deer turns up. Mama deer chases me out of woods. Note to self: don't get mother deer mad at you.

4:55 PM. Return home, verifying that sister's car is gone. Feel much relieved. Human opens door for me. She tells me nephew and niece asked about me. Very understanding about my being away though. It helps that I didn't go running through mud puddles today.

6:50 PM. Human making dinner. Puts my food down for me. Kibbles and meat from the dog food can. Is there anything better in the world?

7:10 PM. Finished eating dinner. Sitting with human. Manage to mooch some of her garlic loaf from her. Yum yum yum.

11:45 PM. Bedtime. Human heads for upstairs. I follow her and settle in at the foot of the bed. Long, long day. Will have more misadventures tomorrow. Planning on chasing squirrels. And getting even with that cat.

Wandering Through Open Doors

Before getting things underway today, I must offer a tip of the proverbial hat to the Queen, who of course is celebrating the Diamond Jubilee. Her Majesty is a grand lady, and there’ll never be another one like her. God save the Queen!

Complete aside: how many times do you suppose she’s heard that tune in her sixty years as monarch?

Now, onto today’s mischief. Which incidentally includes less mischief than usual. This, of course, means I’m up to something.

This past weekend here in Ottawa, we had what’s called Doors Open. This program has been going on for years now, and has taken root across many communities in the province of Ontario. For those of you in the province or visiting this summer, the home page with links for the participating communities can be found here. From April to October, buildings and facilities are opened up on specific weekends for visitors to come on in and have a look. In some cases, these are places that usually don’t open to the public. In others, tour guides are on hand to give visitors insights into a place they thought they already knew. I don’t know offhand if the concept is out there beyond this province- though the Niagara Falls Doors Open program certainly is on both sides of the international border.

Saint Brigid's

In Ottawa, there were over 120 sites involved this weekend in the program. Obviously it’s impossible to see everything. Historical buildings, churches, art studios, museums, power generation facilities, traffic control centres, architecture firms, embassies, and much more are included in the list, and spread over a wide area. On a weekend like this, visitors can go on into museum vaults or into the home of an ambassador. They might find themselves in the Diefenbunker (a VIP fallout bunker from the Cold War which has become a tourist attraction) or taking a stroll through the Governor General’s residence. It does require you to pick and choose what you’d like to see.

Over the course of the weekend, I ended up seeing quite a lot with friends. It started out rather close to home, in fact. The Royal College of Physicians and Surgeons is close to my place, a five minute stroll. It’s housed in what was once a convent, and the school has carefully preserved the architectural integrity of the building while making it a fully functioning medical school. The entrance lobby brought us into the library, which is housed in what was the nun’s chapel, while the main sanctuary now serves as a large meeting room, its stain glass windows preserved. Displays were set out, of course, with items and photographs of the past and present of the building explained, and with volunteers on hand with answers.

The Royal College

Two churches were next on our list. Southminster United is close by, a fieldstone church that overlooks the Rideau Canal at Bank Street. It’s been on the Doors Open list each year that I’ve attended. St. Matthews is an Anglican church further to the north, and it was new to the site list this year. In both cases, members of the congregation were on hand to talk about various aspects of the churches.

St. Matthew's

Closer to downtown are other spots on the list. The Hungarian embassy is housed in what’s called Birkett Castle, a dramatic house with Gothic influences. It dates back to the late 19^th century, and it’s exquisitely furnished inside. The place houses the embassy services, as well as serves as home to the ambassador and family.

Hungarian Embassy

The Laurentian Centre stands a couple of blocks north. It’s owned by Trinity Western University, and used for an internship program for twenty or so students each year. They live in the place, attend classes, and do their internships here in the city. The house itself is another century old home, once owned by a timber baron, J.R. Booth, and retains very much a cozy feel to it, even if it’s quite luxurious. I suppose having people living there has that effect.

Laurentian Centre in winter

Interior views, Laurentian Centre

Downtown were some of our last stops for Saturday. Three churches are close together, and each are worth looking at. Christchurch Cathedral is an old Anglican church, with ties to the Canadian Forces, including retired regimental battle flags in a side chapel. St. Peters is a Lutheran Church close at hand, with a simple style of architecture and yet an exceptional stainglass window over the altar. And St. Andrew's Presbyterian, also an old church, occupies one of the prime spots of real estate in the city, directly across from the Supreme Court, and has been the home church to many of the most prominent citizens in the country, not to mention the site of a baptism for a princess... 

St. Andrew's

The Court itself was the last stop of the day. The building is big, occupying the western flank of Parliament Hill. Much of it is office space. The entrance lobby is grand and majestic, I would say. Strangely, however, the actual courtroom is rather underwhelming and utilitarian. It would have to be, after going through that entrance. I find myself wondering what the justices think….

The Supreme Court

Supreme Court Lobby

Sunday morning brought more rain, and of course I was out much too early, but it was required. The Croatian embassy is up in the Sandy Hill neighbourhood, to the east of downtown, and it’s in another century old house, a lovely place that seems to let in a good deal of light. Embassy staff were on hand, and as is often the case with embassies, brochures about the country were on display. It’s a good way to make discoveries about places you haven’t seen yet. I’ve seen enough of Croatia in pictures to have long since decided that I’d love to go.

The Croatian Embassy

Laurier House is close by. It’s a historical site, and has been home at different times to two Prime Ministers, Wilfred Laurier and William Lyon Mackenzie King. The large house includes personal items from both men; Laurier died there, and King used it as a home while in town. King’s study is set pretty much the way he left it; in Laurier’s day that room was a billiards room.

Laurier House

A shuttle bus took me from there up to the Papal Nunciature, the home of the Vatican’s ambassador. The grounds of the old estate are lovely; I’ll have to see if I can come back when it comes time to write a future book… I’ll have to consult with someone with Vatican experience for an idea I have in mind.

The South African High Commission was also along the route. Side note: High Commissions are the same thing as embassies, just referred to that way in Commonwealth nations. It’s directly across from the Prime Minister’s residence, so these days the High Commissioner has a rotten neighbour (yes, you are, Stevie. Bite me). The place dates back to 1841, and it is indeed as magnificent as it looks.

South African High Commission

There were other stops on both days, but there are two places I’d like to close with, and they’re in fact linked together, and are marking their centennial this year. The Government Conference Centre is housed in the former Union Station, which of course was the train station for many years. It’s now used for government meetings, and as such is only open to public viewing this particular weekend. That’s a shame too, because the building is stunning. Its central room is arguably the most beautiful space in the city. It was modelled on the departure halls of Penn Station in New York, now since demolished, and which itself was modelled on Roman baths. The Centre was particularly busy on Sunday, with conference tables set up on the one side, and in a nod to the history of the building, a model railroad laid out on the other.

Conference Centre

Ceiling in the Conference Centre

The Centre is linked directly by tunnel to the Chateau Laurier across the street. As mentioned in a blog back in March, the Chateau is celebrating its centennial this year, and this weekend was one of the big weekends for them. The hotel is the most luxurious and prestigious in the city, and it was very, very busy inside.  I explored about on my own, taking in more of the hotel interior than I’ve seen before. Tour guides were bringing crowds through, and the guides were dressed very much in the fashion of a century ago. I found myself amused by one of them, a woman in that style of clothing… engaged in texting as we passed on a staircase.

Chateau Laurier

Main Lobby, Chateau Laurier

Visitors to the Chateau Laurier

I wonder what Charles Melville Hays would have made of that. If the ghost story is true, I’d like to think that he might have been watching this weekend as people went in and out of his hotel, a quiet smile on his face.

So, do you have anything like Doors Open in your community? If not, do you think this is the sort of thing your hometown ought to try out?

The International Intruder Meets An International Terrorist

A few days back I mentioned the International Intruder, as a tabloid style inside joke of sorts. If you haven't seen it, just click on the Intruder tag below and you'll find it soon enough. At our joint blog a couple of days ago, we did an interview with one of our characters in the tabloid style. Check it out if you haven't seen it. Today, I'm doing the same with one of my characters, and it's an introduction. Navi Rauf is the primary villain in the next book I'll be writing, called Sword of the Faith. It takes place a year before Heaven & Hell, and the character and his organization rate a mention or two in the latter book. Obviously the character himself, as you'll see... probably wouldn't have nearly as much patience with a real reporter as he does with this tabloid one, let alone a sense of humour. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

Exclusive to readers of the International Intruder, an interview with a wanted terrorist.

Navi Rauf, leader of the group calling itself Saif al Din, or in English, Sword Of The Faith, agreed to speak with this reporter at an undisclosed location somewhere in the Middle East. This reporter met with associates of Rauf, was blindfolded and taken by car well out into the desert. There, at a non-descript home late at night, this reporter personally interviewed Rauf. The man himself has the hard look of someone who’s lived on the rough edge of life. For over twenty years, Rauf and his group have been hunted by intelligence agencies, police organizations, and military forces across the world. They are implicated in multiple attacks, bombings, and assassinations.

Intruder: Mr. Rauf, you are considered one of the most wanted men in the world among law enforcement and intelligence communities, though you’re not as well known to the general public. Why do you think that is?

Rauf: Unlike some of the higher profile resistance groups, we don’t have spokesmen or media outlets on speed dial. That’s the sort of behavior that tends to end up with unmanned drones launching missiles on you, after all. We do try to be careful.

Intruder: And yet you’re speaking to us, as a reporter, now.

Rauf: True. There are times when it’s required. And we’ve been careful with you. We know you are not being traced in any way, and even if you were to find your way back here, we would be long gone.

Intruder: You’ve committed a large number of attacks and operations against multiple targets since the founding of your organization. What is your purpose?

Rauf: That’s for me to know and for them to find out.

Intruder: That doesn’t qualify as an answer. Who’s them?

Rauf: The law enforcement and intelligence communities, as you say.

Intruder: Surely you can answer the question, sir. What drives your group?

Rauf: They would call us terrorists. Zionists. The fools of the West. Those who would seek to accomodate, to be at peace. And yet too often, they are the ones who have brought terror, with their smart bombs and their indiscriminate killings. If that is the only language they understand, then we will reply in such words. We bring their terror back upon them ten fold. You ask what drives us? Look at a child or a young mother slaughtered by a bomb that fell off course. Look at what’s left of them. That is reason enough, don’t you think?

Intruder: We imagine that’s sufficient, yes.

Rauf: I wasn’t being too overly dramatic, was I?

Intruder: Our readers will make that decision for themselves.

Rauf: Very well. You don’t mind if I ask a question of you, do you?

Intruder: Of course not.

Rauf: Why do you do that whole referring to yourself in the plural thing? You say we imagine, or our readers. Is that some sort of personal eccentricity, or a journalism default position?

Intruder: We have no idea what you’re talking about.

Rauf: There. You just did it again.

Intruder: Did what?

Rauf: Never mind.

Intruder: Shall we get back to it?

Rauf: Do you mean we in the sense of you and I talking, or we in the sense of referring to yourself?

Intruder: We swear, we don’t know where you’re getting this from.

Rauf: Just ask the next question before I start to get into a bad mood.

Intruder: Your organization was implicated in the Geneva bombing last year, and in the assassination of the Jordanian ambassador to the UN the year before that. These are but two incidents on the record of Saif al Din. What do you have to say to those who had family members killed in such attacks?

Rauf: Casualties that were required in an ongoing war.

Intruder: And yet just moments ago you spoke of indiscriminate killings.

Rauf: Our operations are directed and focused. Yes, there are times when innocent lives are lost, but such is war. And this is a war, believe me. Who else will stand up to those who would seek to crush us beneath our heels, if not those of us with strength? Who else will do what needs to be done?

Intruder: You know, you almost sound like you could be running for office speaking like that.

Rauf: Not a chance. I don’t like politicians.

Intruder: We don’t think much of them ourselves.

Rauf: You did it again.

Intruder: Did what?

Rauf: Speaking in plural, you idiot.

Intruder: We said no such thing.

Rauf: Why did I agree to sit down with a reporter?

Intruder: If we could carry on? Your group, Saif al Din, translates in English to Sword of the Faith, does it not?

Rauf: It is a name steeped in history. The godless invaders during the Crusades met heroic men of that name. Others have carried it since. Those who follow me use the name with pride. We are the sword, the weapon of the righteous. We will drive hard into the heart of any enemy who stands against us.

Intruder: Does saying that help in the recruiting process?

Rauf: Oh, yes, you have to have something that stirs the blood, and gets your people behind you. It also helps that we don’t require anyone to become suicide bombers. Or martyrs, as they say in Hezbollah. You know, if you ask me, those guys are a little crazy.

Intruder: Have you ever wondered if maybe you should slow down? Retire? Take up a hobby? Has it occured to you that one day your luck might run out?

Rauf: I have a mission in life. When that’s the case, you don’t retire or take up a hobby. You carry out what must be done. That’s what I do.

Intruder: And if your luck does run out?

Rauf: Luck is for fools gambling on horses.

Intruder: We happen to like betting a c-note from time to time. Last time we did that, it was a horse named Lucky Never Loses. Of course, Lucky Never Loses wasn’t so lucky that night. Came in dead last. Oh, well, these things happen, but we have to just keep soldiering on.

Rauf: You’re doing it again.

Intruder: Doing what?

Rauf: Never mind. Just get out. Before I decide to have you shot. My men will take you back to where you came from.

Intruder: But we still have more questions for you...

Rauf: Next time I do one of these interviews, I’ll ask for Anderson bloody Cooper.

Arnold Vosloo

Faran Tahir

Post script: I could see Navi Rauf played by either Arnold Vosloo (The Mummy) or Faran Tahir (Iron Man)...