Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, October 25, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Some links before I get started today. Norma wrote about the upcoming Avengers sequel. Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday at her page. Cheryl had dogs at her page. Krisztina has this Hallowe'en food idea. Lorelei wrote about ghosts. And the Whisk asked an unsavoury question.

Now then, we return to the dog and cat blogs, this pair of blogs featuring my two heroes on Hallowe'en. As always, I start with the dog's point of view.

7:35 AM. Waking up. Feeling refreshed and ready to go. Had wonderful dreams of being in a pool filled with nothing but doggie biscuits. Yum yum yum!

7:48 AM. Well, good morning, human! It’s a wonderful day to be a doggie, don’t you think? Well, no, of course... you’re not a dog. Anyway, you know what I mean. How about a bit of breakfast? I’d be ever so happy to try to break my personal record for fastest breakfast finished.

7:52 AM. Apparently my efforts to finish breakfast in record time have been thwarted by a momentary pause in gobbling kibbles. At least I kept my time well under a minute of finishing every kibble in my dish.  Human, I could use a run. Any chance we can get that door open?

8:05 AM. Running through the back fields. Barking my head off at the sky. Air feels fresh, weather seems cool. Life is good. Woof!

8:17 AM. I stop in to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. We bark hello.

8:18 AM. Spike and I compare notes. The hated enemy have been elusive, only seen at a distance. They’re too busy gathering acorns this time of year to heckle dogs. We speculate on what they might be using those acorns for. It must be something nefarious and evil. After all, every squirrel is nefarious and evil.

8:20 AM. Spike and I confer on the appearance of carved pumpkins and garish decorations in the area. Yes, it’s that time of year again. Trick or treating, scary movies, and being kept from the candy bowl by the human.

8:23 AM. Spike and I part ways for the day. Things to do, squirrels to chase, and all that.

8:32 AM. Sniffing around the woods on my way home. Smells like we might get snow soon.

8:35 AM. I pause in a clearing when I spot that local cat standing there. She hisses at me. I don’t know what it is about cats that they hate dogs this much. At least this cat hates me. Maybe she just needs time to get to know me or something. Hello, cat! Why can’t we be friends? I mean, if you can’t trust Loki, who can you trust?

8:36 AM. The cat hisses at me once again and bares her claws. Well, okay, if you’re going to be that insistent, I’ll just leave you alone. Cats. I wonder if they’re completely balanced, mentally speaking.

8:37 AM. The cat goes off on her merry way after one last look over her shoulder to hiss at me. Yes, yes, yes, I get the message, but one day I’ll manage to charm you into purring...

9:05 AM. Back home. The human has put the jack o’lantern out on the front porch. I think I shall spend some time staring into its malevolent eyes. It’s just a matter of who blinks first, and let me promise you, it won’t be me!

9:08 AM. Not sure I can hold out. Come on, Jack! Blink already!

9:10 AM. The human calls me inside. Oh, very well, but I’ll be back, Jack, and you will submit to my stare!

2:40 PM. Waking up from nap. Wow, did I sleep a long time! Wait a minute.... did I miss lunch? That can’t be good...

6:05 PM. The human’s making dinner. Smells good... pumpkin and bacon pancakes. Very appropriate for Hallowe’en. I’ll have to keep my sad eyes in place to mooch some very delicious food!

6:20 PM. We’re having dinner, and sure enough, the human’s given me some pancakes too. I think I’ll take my time scarfing these down. 

Yum yum yum!

7:35 PM. Watching the human greeting trick or treaters. Why is that kid dressed like a quarantine doctor?

7:57 PM. More trick or treaters. The human’s quite cheerful as she speaks with them and gives out candy. For some reason she keeps putting the bowl up high where I can’t reach it whenever she’s done. Come on, human, what harm can a little chocolate do to me? Particularly since those bars are so small. Would someone explain that logic to me?

9:00 PM. Looks like the trick or treaters are done for the night. So are we watching a scary movie tonight, human?

The human puts on a DVD of something starring Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey instead. Well.... from the point of view of taste in movies, it’s frightening.

9:46 PM. Human? You know I love you, right? Right? But I must say this. There are times you have appallingly bad taste in movies. It’s Hallowe’en. Why are we watching two empty headed morons making moon eyes at each other while smiling vacantly? We should be watching Frankenstein’s monster wrecking havoc all over his creator’s life, or a ghost story that’ll have us both awake all night, or something else that’s actually scary. But no, you had to put this dreck on.

9:59 PM. Boy, Kate Hudson whines a lot. And McConaughey looks like he's been hit in the head by too many fastballs.

10:31 PM. Oh, sure, the whole romantic misunderstanding’s all tied up and these two are happy together and look rather oblivious and dimwitted. Can we please turn off the movie and throw it in the fireplace?

11:05 PM. Watching the national news with the human. It seems a Hallowe’en zombie walk went terribly wrong when the marchers wandered into a meeting of The Walking Dead Is Real Association in Texas. Forty seven fake zombies are dead, and lots more are in hospital. Well, human, at least that’s a fitting Hallowe’en story.

11:39 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! If I happen to hear any ghosts wandering around tonight, I’ll bark my head off as loud as I can. That should scare them!


  1. I'm many of these have you done now? Enough for a book?

    Love the Scottie...and the bulldogs!

  2. Love the Scottish Perrier but the rescue dog on the lift is my favorite!

  3. I love the shepherd pictures! So cute!

  4. Hahahahah!! ALL the bulldog photos are true to form. I'm telling you, you will never find (and I'm challenging you here) a bulldog photo that can be made into an upbeat, positive meme. Not gonna happen!! :D

  5. Loved the German Shepherds. The comics were funny and so were the comments on the pictures.

  6. @Norma: it's been a lot!

    @Cheryl: poor St. Bernard...

    @Kelly: thanks!

    @Diane: fortunately they're so cute anyway!

    @Mari: thank you!

  7. When I was a kid we had a dog named Loki. I love dogs.

  8. Of course you know the one I like the best Scottish Perrier.
    The Square Ones approve.
    You always find the best photos.

    cheers, parsnip

  9. Very, very creative. I don't know where in the world you get all the great pictures to use with your super captions.

  10. @Whisk: the cat would never let him get away with it!

    @Petrea: it seemed such a good name for the dog. I haven't really decided on what the cat calls herself. She does have a very regal title though.

    @Eve: what can I say, pancakes feel like a very good Hallowe'en meal.

    @Parsnip: Scotties are much too cute!

    @Lowell: I find them in all sorts of places, and have a bunch already in drafts. Some I occasionally do the memes for them myself.

  11. So cute and adorable photos. Loved the quotes too.


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