Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, October 27, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

I have links before I get myself seriously started. Yesterday having had been a Sunday, we had a Snippet Sunday at our joint blog. Cheryl had the last of Stewbilee at her page. Lena had poetry at her page.And Lorelei wrote about trick or treating.

Now then, to the cat's point of view....

7:37 AM. Waking up on the bed. The staff is already awake and downstairs. How did she get past me without waking me up?

7:39 AM. And here she is in the kitchen getting ready. Staff, I am expecting breakfast post haste, and I expect no trace of field....

I spot the bowl on the floor. Already filled with field rations. Staff, what have I told you repeatedly?

7:43 AM. It is with great reluctance that I start to eat some of the field rations. Just awful stuff, if you ask me, and you are asking me, but unfortunately my staff doesn’t take hints. I may have to rely to using one of her favourite outfits to sharpen my claws.

7:50 AM. I meow loudly, demanding to be let outside. The staff lets me out, and says something or another about coming back quickly.

8:26 AM. On my rounds, exploring through the woods. A bit of a chill in the air, but entirely manageable. Lots of leaves on the ground. It does make a challenge for sneaking up on those pesky squirrels, even if they are distracted these days by hunting for acorns and other nuts.

8:35 AM. I halt in my tracks on the path. Oh, nuts. It’s that annoying mutt from down the road. Hello, mutt, since it’s Hallowe’en, why don’t you put a mask on and spare me the view of your goofy looking face?

8:36 AM. I tell off the dog in the harshest of terms, calling into question his parentage, his appalling social skills, and his obliviousness to my disdain. You are a dog, you fool, and I am a cat, and therefore you are beneath me. Time to leave.

8:55 AM. I return home. Wait a minute.... where is the car? Did that staff of mine leave without my express permission?

8:59 AM. Quite annoyed. How dare my staff go off to work without leaving the door wide open for me to go in and out at my leisure?

9:12 AM. Settling on the back porch in the sun. Well, at least it’s not likely to snow today, but one never knows. I suppose I can take a nap. As long as that annoying mutt doesn’t turn up here anytime soon.

1:32 PM. Waking up from nap. Why that staff of mine would leave me stranded outside all day is beyond me. I might as well take a look around the property.

1:35 PM. Stopping at the front porch to sniff at that jack o’lantern. Why humans do this to a pumpkin is a mystery, but then humans are such peculiar creatures. 

1:47 PM. Back on the back porch. How many hours until the staff finishes work again? Oh well. Maybe I should just try another nap.

5:25 PM. Woken up out of nap by car door closing. I spring up and dash around the house. And sure enough, there she is. My staff. I decide to meow quite loudly to express my deep unhappiness at being stranded outside all day. Staff, is it that hard for you to leave doors open for my access? And don’t tell me about furnace heat escaping the house. My convenience is paramount to all other concerns.

6:05 PM. Supervising the staff making dinner. This had better compensate for the inconvenience of spending all day outside, staff, or you and I will have words...

6:20 PM. The staff has been cooking a roast and has cut off strips for me. With a side bowl of milk. Yes, this is far more satisfactory than breakfast was, I assure you of that, staff. 

7:10 PM. Trick or treaters at the door. The staff is giving them candy. One of them is dressed like she works for the CDC. I guess some parents are paying way too much attention to the Ebola news.

7:40 PM. More trick or treaters. This group happens to have their dog along with an adult. The dog sees me through the window and barks. I roll my eyes and hiss in disdain.

8:55 PM. The staff says she doesn’t think there’ll be any more trick or treaters, so it’s time to watch a scary movie. Just as long as it doesn’t feature dogs taking over the world.

8:57 PM. For some reason the staff has chosen the DVD Cloverfield. Oh, come on, staff, where’s your taste in movies? That film is goofy, and features a monster you barely see and a really annoying idiot named Hud manning the camera and talking a lot! 

9:15 PM. What is it with this “cameraman” in this story that he can’t hold the camera steady? And why does he have to talk so much? Is he trying to drive the audience nuts by being this irritating? And what kind of name is Hud? Did his parents lose a bet? Staff, this movie is beyond stupid! You should know better!

9:40 PM. Yes, yes, yes, mayhem and destruction late at night in the streets of New York, and you’re really not seeing anything anyway, so why does any of this matter? 

10:00 PM. For the love of Isis, Hud, would you just shut up for once? You’re a blithering dullard, and you’re getting on my last nerve. Where’s that monster? Kill the annoying cameraman already!

10:14 PM. Finally! Hud’s dead! Good riddance to that mouthy dolt! Which means the movie’s about to end too, and we don’t have to see it anytime soon again.

10:25 PM. Okay, staff, what was the point to all that, aside from the shaky camera making me nauseous?

11:40 PM. Good night, staff. Don’t close the door, because odds are I’ll be up sometime in the night.

After I find a hiding place for that Cloverfield movie so you can't find it again. I’m going to have that jackass Hud’s voice yammering away in my dreams tonight, and that’s not a pleasant prospect.


  1. Cat kills balloon. I'll be chuckling all day!

  2. You always find the best kitty pics...but Grumpy Cat's still the best!

    In many ways, she reminds me of some people I know. Only she's much cuter!

  3. I was awakened this morning by a furry feline flying through the air to land squarely on my legs, and then immediately nodding off and going to sleep. When both of my legs no longer could function due to lack of circulation, I graciously slid my body from under that calico and successfully made it to the bathroom without further consequence!

  4. Wonder what kind of movie the staff is supposed to watch? Is there something cat would approve of?

  5. The turn the page one totally cracked me up. I swear I have the stupidest sense of humor. I seriously died laughing over that.

  6. I like Grumpy Cat wanting a social life, but the cat bargaining for the $750 sofa made me laugh out loud!

  7. @Lynn: poor balloon!

    @Norma: she's far too cute.

    @Lowell: that sounds like a very cat thing to do.

    @Eve: kitty would like to watch The Ghost And The Darkness.

    @Kelly: it's too cute!

    @Cheryl: cats would do that!

  8. Hahah! The wet cat looks like a robot cat made of mercury who has been left out in the sun to melt. Awesome memes! :D

  9. As usual, Grumpy Cat outshines them all.

  10. That natural selection one: definitely going in my lecture slides for next semester!

  11. Bad neighbors make good fertilizer. Hahahahaha!


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