Spammers Of The World, Drop Dead

Some business to see to before we get things started today. Have a peek over at Norma's blog for a look at what she's been up to as of late. Now then, to the business at hand... a visit from one of those people who wastes perfectly good oxygen.

Admittedly I don't get into my Yahoo email folders that often. It had been more than a month since I last went in there (long enough to wonder what my password was again). So looking about, I happened to look at the junk folder. Lo and behold, I had a scammer about, supposedly from Fed Ex. The exact same message, not once, but twice. As follows, the full message:

We the management of  FedEx Courier Service here in South Africa hereby uses This medium to notify you that your parcel is still in our possession, this parcel contained an International Cashier Bank Draft/Cheque worth the sum of $500,000.00USD (Five Hundred Thousand United State Dollars only) and it is ready for delivery to your door step. Meanwhile, before the delivery or shipment will take place, you are advice to RECONFIRM to us the following data  mention below:

1.Your Name:........
2.Full Address:..............
3.Age:.............
4.Sex:...............
5.Telephone:.........

The above requested information will enable us deliver your parcel correctly without any mistakes on delivery of your parcel.

NOTE : No charges should be made before delivery except the stamp duty fee which is just $65usd. Delivery would be made to your door step as soon as we receive your payment, no problem about the delivery fee because the company has paid for the delivery fee.

Furthermore, you might be asking yourself how come this parcel, Anyway this parcel was brought to our office to be delivered to you by lottery officials.

Note: This fee is not for delivery but for the stamp duty, this company has spent out of its income in the process by recovery back your parcel? so dear customer we once again appreciate your patronage in our favor. Without hesitations you are to pay for just the balance left of $65 by your sender before it accumulate a demur-rage after one week only,as you know your parcel is not just an ordinary parcel but with a vital document and we think you understand what we mean by accumulating a demur-rage

Yours Faithfully
Mr. Frank Mario
+277 993 960 55
FEDEX COURIER MANAGING DIRECTOR.

Sigh. Will these people ever take a hint? 

As we can see, the typical tactics of ye olde Homo Spammeritis Irritatingus.  An African locale (not the usual Nigerian spammer tool, but still), capitalized letters where there shouldn't be, incorrect punctuation and grammar, overly formal wording, and promises of a large sum of money that's mysteriously coming my way for just a small handling fee. Oh, sure, right, and if you expect me to believe that, are you going to be selling me a bridge in Brooklyn too?

Of course, I get them in my blog folders as well, but the Anonymous feature usually sorts them out nicely into spam folders where they belong, never seeing the light of day as a comment. If I look at my stats and where visitors have been seeing my posts from in a given week, no doubt the visitors from Malaysia may account for a good number of spammers hawking Louis Guitton bags, or time shares, or whatever the hell it is this week. Periodically there's spam with Russian lettering. I know that'll be coming from Russian spammers, because let's face it, while that country is often in my top ten of countries visiting my blog, they can't all be looking in on the way I skewered Vladimir Putin. Hi, Vlad, if it happens to be you looking in, do me a favour. Go to the mouldering corpse of old Lenin and give him a great big wet sloppy kiss. 

Come on, Vlad, just do it. I promise, I won't laugh, or make necrophilia jokes. Well, maybe one.

Oh well. The spammers will never, ever give up. I've said it before, I'll say it again. We need a biological weapon designed to only take out spammers and scammers. They'll be gone and we'll be happy. In the meantime,we'll just have to make use of other measures to combat the plague.

Rover will do nicely.