Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Friday, January 13, 2012

Operation Political Suicide: Let's Just Nominate The Craziest One Of The Lot

"It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a politician in search of an electoral victory must be in want of a muckraker." ~ Jane Austen, Pride and Politics

Well, Iowa and New Hampshire are behind us now. The primaries have kicked the endless Republican nominations into high gear (emphasis on endless). South Carolina and Florida lie ahead for the poor fools (candidates and party voters alike). The President and his staff spend their time taking notes on the best ways to destroy whatever's left of whoever's left standing (it won't be Michelle Bachmann, of course, since she's out). And the editorial cartoonists of the country and the world continue to skewer the candidates....

Yes, well, maybe it would help if you'd come up with a better slate of candidates, wouldn't it?

And so the field has narrowed again. Huntsman is still in the game, of course. Rick Perry, aka Dubya 2.0 (wait, Dubya is smarter then Governor Rick) will stay in until his ego or his campaign funds run out (rumor has it it'll be the latter)....

And then there's Newt, who just doesn't know how to take a hint and quit...


Surprisingly Santorum and Paul had a good showing in Iowa, though they still have Governor Mittens to contend with...

Yes, Governor Mittens, the inevitable Republican candidate that the GOP wishes could be someone else....

You would think that Governor Mittens might have had enough of having the GOP desperately seeking anyone else to run. Who knows? Maybe in his inevitable acceptance speech, he'll just say, "You know what, you all treated me like an afterthought for months on end. I'm retiring to Aruba. You're all so hopelessly screwed."

Sorry, Ricky, but your showing in Iowa notwithstanding, there's no way you can stay in for the long term. Not with what your last name is also defined as being.

And Ron Paul, the Crazy Old Man of the Republican Party? He's like the deranged homeless guy on the street corner. Just in a better suit. Well, not the all white one that he likes to pretend he never wore.

Yes, it's a bad year to be a Republican candidate. You're being torn to shreds by your own party. If there's anything left of you, the President's team has gotten its hands on lots of ammunition against you in the debates. In other words, my friend, whoever you end up being (safe bets on Governor Mittens)... well, in two words: you're screwed.

I'll be back soon enough with another one of these election blogs, but I'll leave you with this one. Hey, if the Republicans dig deep enough, there must be a Ned Brown out there somewhere who's not Mitt Romney, right?


  1. The GOP's gonna put a contract out on you!

    But the blogs keep getting funnier and funnier!

  2. I've heard blindfolded monkeys make better stock picks than some stock analysts. Maybe they could help us out in the political arena too!

  3. You'd think the GOP could've picked better candidates. If I was Republican, I'd be really pissed right now.

    1. I'm a Republican (well, I'm registered Republican, anyway -- so I can vote in Indiana primaries), and I *am* really pissed right now.

  4. Chris Christie told them to get off his lawn (with his shotgun in his hand), and that's when they knew they were done. Operation 2016 is already being planned.

  5. Really, whether or not you like the candidates, are there really any good ones?

    I didn't think so.

  6. True. This is why it's time for a takeover.

  7. Your election posts whether about Canada or American do keep getting funnier and funnier.

    I don't know or understand why to be a conservative is bad while being a liberal is good ?
    As a registered Democrat for way too many years (tea party is looking better and better) I am a conservative, don't have any debt, own my car and home and don't have 25 credit cards. If I can't afford it I don't buy it.
    But I am bad where a liberal who keeps spending money they don't have, or my tax money on bigger, bigger and bigger government is good ?
    The Republicans are killing themselves with the crazies. But where I live the liberal, East Coast intelligentsia are killing me. We are drowning with all the roadblocks to keeping us safe and sound on the border with Mexico.
    Gosh I despise this time of the year... Elections are the pits. It never stops it just goes on and on and on forever.
    Goodness, I just ranted on your blog..... sorry !

    cheers, parsnip

    1. I'm a fan of being able to see both sides of an issue, which doesn't describe many liberals *or* conservatives. But once you have examined both sides of an issue, there are those times when right is right, wrong is wrong, and common sense just isn't common enough. Common sense, studying history and looking at both sides tells me Big Government and a lack of border control are just bad, bad, bad.

    2. For me, I used to consider myself Conservative. These days I vote Liberal, because the neo-cons occupying the Conservative Party here in Canada treat the word progressive as the most obscene word in the English language.

      Ranting can be good!

    3. One of the problems in politics in general is that too many, on either side of the debate, are unable to work with the other side. The atmosphere becomes so toxic that good people want nothing to do with elected office.

  8. I used to get all my political news from The Daily Show. Now that I'm getting too old to stay up that late, I'm getting it from some crazy Canadian who has a talent for coming up with some amazing political cartoons and commentary. I think it's a sign of the times--I'm way too jaded to look at politics as anything but a joke. Thanks for keeping me laughing, otherwise I would cry.

  9. For now on, I'll just read Sir Wills' blog for any political update. He's a lot more truthful.

  10. @Norma: the bounty will be steep!

    @Karla and Shelly: Thanks!

  11. Mittens rhymes with kittens.


    Nah, doesn't do it for me! Think of the poor kittens.

    Take care

  12. William,

    Great pics and great commentary. Politics is getting foolisher every day. I try to look at both sides of things like Mark does. And really, why can't people just learn to work together despite differences for the good of everyone?? We need a miracle! Take care!

  13. I like several of the Republican candidates actually and don't think they are buffoons. I do wish we could get a bit of a conglomeration of them. But I have to say the Liberals are no more kind than the Conservatives and it annoys the tar out of me that ordinary grown-ups can't have a civil discussion about issues, knowing that there are valid good arguments on both sides. The art of compromise is not selling out. It is choosing to do the right thing for both sides. I see so much good in people, but it seems to fly out the window when politics comes in.

  14. Mittens and kittens... I think Mittens would sacrifice kittens if it could get him into the Oval office...


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