Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Governor Mittens And The Philosopher's Spin Doctor

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies." ~ Groucho Marx

Ah, yes, the American marathon of Republican debates and primaries rolls on endlessly towards the eventual convention. South Carolina is past, and with it, events have insured that the nomination will still be months away from being locked up. Two more notable drop-outs since last time: Jon Huntsman (I know, no one really noticed him in the race in the first place) and Rick Perry have gone. Apparently Dubya 2.0 ran out of campaign funds before he ran out of ego. He's gone back to Texas, and he's not in a good mood. If you're a death row inmate down in those parts, don't be counting on clemency.

South Carolina saw Newt Gingrich win the day, deflating the lead enjoyed by Governor Mittens. Apparently down in South Carolina, they don't seem to much care about Newt's.... deplorable lack of personal ethics and responsibility....

Anyway, the editorial cartoonists continue to draw inspiration from the endless campaign while Republicans tear each other apart in debates and attack ads. And in the White House, the re-election campaign is busy taking notes, readying themselves to take on whoever's left standing.

Will it be Mitt? Will it be Newt? Will the bizarre happen and somehow Ron Paul or Rick Santorum do the impossible? I know, I know, let's not be silly...

Despite faltering in South Carolina, Governor Mittens still has time on his hands. He can still win the nomination that he seems to so desperately want, despite not being wanted by the party faithful. They've been busy hoping Ronald Reagan will rise from the grave to lead them back to the promised land.

If only he doesn't get tripped up by his own taxes....

Governor Mittens likes to act as if he's in touch with the common man, but really... the common person does not have a past in corporate plundering, off shore accounts in the Caymans, and does not make ten thousand dollar bets on trivial things. Really, Mittens, you might as well stop trying.

And from the start, the rest of the nominees have been trying to make him look bad. Newt's busiest at that right now, what with Dubya 2.0 faltering and giving up. Perry never did recover from that cataclysmic Oops, after all. His blundering during debates will haunt old Ricky til the end of his days....

Which of course brings us to Newt. He casts himself as an outsider, though he's been in government or lobbying for most of his life. He casts himself strongly with Ronald Reagan. I wonder if Reagan would appreciate that. And he campaigns as a family values candidate.

This, from the same guy who cheated on and abandoned his first wife, while she was stricken with cancer. Then did the same with his second wife, stricken with MS. Memo to the third Mrs. Gingrich: you'd better stay healthy. You contract something like a slight cold, and he'll be dropping you for the next trophy wife.

I mean, really. That's low. That's beyond sleazy. This is the same guy who railed against Clinton in the 90s (I'm not defending Bubba Bill... I always thought he was a lecherous sleaze too) and yet does this? And he has the hypocritical gall to act as if he has any moral high ground?

Newt Gingrich represents a new sub species of humanity: homo sapiens politicus opportunus Gingrichus sleazius.

Note to self: have that turned into a T-shirt.

And so there are four candidates left, fighting it out for the nomination. Huntsman finally went, more loudly then he made his presence known in the first place. Perry went out grumbling and growling. Santorum is still there. And so is Ron Paul (aka the Crazy Old Man of the Grand Old Party). Who will drop out next? The Florida primary is up next, and the state has, well, to put it charitably, something of a really skewed history with elections.

Postscript: in the White House, President Obama can't believe how lucky he is to have such crazy nutcases to possibly run against. In tearing each other to shreds, they've been doing all his dirty work for him.


  1. President Mitt or President Newt. Either way, we look like Land of the Rednecks.

    Come to think of it, I may do a write-in vote for Jeff Foxworthy and his running mate, Larry the Cable Guy....

  2. Each candidate should hook-up with the drug companies and that way when these guys give us a headache, which they already do, we'll know what to take for it. Plus, the side-effects will make way more sense. Just yesterday I saw an ad for an allergy medication that said side effects may include breathing difficulties. The reason for voting or taking an allergy medication kind of cancel each other out.

  3. Honestly I don't think Obama is lucky with the bad choice of candidates, the GOP is becoming every day a more joke of a party. If it wasn't for the ignorant south (which I live in), they wouldn't even be elected to dog catchers let alone senators or a president. It would be just Blue Dogs vs Progressives in the general election.

  4. Well...each one had a stamp on their forehead...The Diarhea Never Ends, Shit Talker, I'm a Big Fat get where I'm going.

  5. I am already tired of this election year and it has just begun. No wonder people are apathetic and don't bother to vote.

  6. I was reading a columnist in the paper who remarked on Eisenhower being pretty much ignored by the GOP today. While he wasn't perfect, he governed by pragmatism, working with both sides to find a middle ground. It's a shame that they've turned their backs on that tradition, because personally, I've always found Ike to be one of the greats.

  7. Oh my...can you imagine looking at Newt's face every day/week/month...that's like torture.

  8. To tell you the truth even though I am a registered Democrat, I really lean towards the GOP of years ago. Being a conservative is not a bad place to be seeing what being a liberal money abuse/wastefulness/greedy has gotten us into.
    I think a lot of moderates would be interested in a party that valued being conservative with spending but instead we get vocal crazed taking over and shooting themselves in the foot.
    Insanity !

    God I am so sick of it all already.

    cheers, parsnip

  9. @Beth...
    You of course have every right to your views ....
    I agree that Newt is not the most handsome man but he should be judged on what he says and not just his looks. That is damming enough.

    Although I the Obama family is very handsome, I cringe every time President Obama gives us that condescending smirk of his which is quiet often. Like he is lecturing us the bad children. That arrogance is even more torture for me.
    Just saying...


  10. I think I smell a troll...?

    Anyway, one of my favorite moments in the GOP scuffle is Mittens telling us that his speaking fees were really nothing. $345,000 plus of nothing. Talk about having absolutely no clue what this entire country has been going through thanks to deregulation, tax breaks for the rich and an illegal war.

  11. I don't want to see either one for President. Neither one can tell the truth. What happened to integrity? Honesty?

  12. That went out the window with the Eisenhower administration leaving office.

  13. Here in Canada there's something going on involving two MPs, one from the Conservative Party (otherwise known as the Horsemen of the Apocalypse) and the Liberal Party (otherwise known as Up the Creek Without A Paddle)... they're going to be in a boxing match for charity.

    Maybe that's the way to settle the nomination!


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