Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Saturday, December 10, 2011

I Did Not Have Provolone And Sausage With That Woman... That I Can Recall, Anyway.

And so the endless campaign goes on and on. The Republicans continue to roll out their travelling circus of candidates for the nomination, and one by one, they fall by the side of the road. And we on the outside looking in ask ourselves, is this the best they can come up with? President Obama can sit back and watch them dismantle each other until one's left standing. He doesn't even have to do any heavy lifting. At the same time, the editorial cartoonists have plenty of fresh material to work with, as you'll see here...

As the list of Republicans continue to whittle itself down, the thought of what codenames the Secret Service might have used for each of them in protection details came to mind. Here's a list of those who are still in the running, and those who have dropped out awhile back, along with their potential codenames:

Newt Gingrich: SALAMANDER
Mitt Romney: SNOWBALL
Herman Cain: PEPPERONI
Sarah Palin: MAMA BEAR
Rick Perry: OLD SPARKY
Jon Huntsman: BLANDMAN
Chris Christie: THE TANK
Michelle Bachmann: FROOT LOOPS
Rick Santorum: .... no, not touching this one. Not with a ten foot sterilized pole.

If you're wondering why, just google Santorum. Just consider yourself warned. Don't do it on a full stomach.

This time of year, of course, Christmas works its way into editorial cartoons. And so it is this year, that the Republican candidacy process is fodder for the cartoonists to mix the two.....

Mitt Romney, otherwise known as Governor Mittens, seems to be assured of the nomination. As a columnist in one of the papers I read said, he's the only one of the Republican candidates she doesn't want to hit with a mallet. All he has to do is stay quiet and let the rest of the slate put their foot in their mouths with the latest scandal, faux pas, or what was I thinking moment.

Rick Perry (aka Dubya 2.0), on the other hand, has taken a drastic slide, what with the whole falling apart thing he does during debates, wandering madly off in all directions, and seeming to be completely out of his element. His performance at debates has had the same effect as Howard Dean screaming like a banshee years ago... it's finished any Presidential aspirations he might have ever had.

And of course we can't ignore the recent exit from the circus by Pizza Guy, also known as the Second Coming Of Ross Perot, also known as Herman Cain. It seems he was being led around by his Lil' Herman, and it finally caught up to him. His political aspirations imploded around him. Let's face it, it was just a matter of time.

One after the other, women came forward with sexual harassment complaints against Pizza Guy. He didn't go into proper crisis control mode. Instead he made the cardinal mistake of continuing to speak. Honestly, Herman, didn't you have someone around to tell you to shut your mouth?

You could see the writing, or the pepperoni slices, on the wall. Herman Cain's days as a political candidate were numbered. It's just as well. Could a foreign leader ever take someone named Herman seriously?

The last of the lot to show up with the revelation of a long standing affair was, realistically, the final nail in the coffin. Herman Cain came forward, as so many politicians have before him, to step down from his run at the big ticket. Yes, it removes one very big punchline for comedians from the slate.

It doesn't mean we've seen the last of Herman Cain. Pizza Guy (if he survives the Wrath of Mrs. Cain) could always stage a comeback some years down the line after he spends time looking contrite and understanding. Either that, or if he does a reality show.

Picture it being pitched by the Discovery Channel: Mama Bear and Pizza Guy: Last Nutcase Standing.

Bye, Herman. Your day is done. It could be worse, of course. At least you're not a former governor of Illinois with a raging ego, no ethics, weird hair, and a fourteen year prison sentence to deal with. And you've left behind a circus of candidates, some of whom have accepted the invitation of the planet's biggest ego (no, not Oprah) to a debate moderated by him. Yes, the blowhard who subscribes to the theory that the universe is hinged on the Trumpocentric theory.

At least the blowhard will be good for a laugh. And not just for the dead badger he passes off as his hair.


  1. "Last Nutcase Standing?" I'd watch that!

    I like Newt in the Christmas stocking (I'd rather have the lump of coal) and FROOT LOOPS best...but they're all funny.

    And you have another year's worth of material for blogs before the election....

  2. You had me laughing, William! Hub just told me Perry didn't know there were nine Supremes! If Newt wins, I hear his latest wife, The First Mistress, is redecorating the WH - lots of Tiffany mirrors so they can admire themselves. I'll take that lump of coal, too!

  3. I was just watching more footage this morning from Newt Gingrich's interview where he said the term Palestinian people was totally invented!!! Kinda how Palestine as an official Jewish homeland was invented by the Balfour Declaration! That's the real reason the Middle East peace process is a joke, among other things. Oh, don't get me started!

  4. At least our Canadian friends have some fodder for their humor blogs....

  5. You know, none of them look like worthy candidates....however, neither do ours.

  6. In this case, looks are NOT deceiving. They are all worthless!

  7. Maybe Christie will change his mind in four years and run then....

  8. You gotta love these cartoonists!!! LOL! There's hope for humanity yet! :-)

    Take care

  9. At least Trump has pulled himself out of his own debate.

  10. And at the rate these people are taking each other down, they're doing all the work for the President come the election campaign...

  11. The Republicans could have done so much better. Had they put a strong candidate up, they might have stood a better chance, especially if they took advantage of people's disappointment with President Obama. Instead, even those who despise Obama will still have to think twice about voting Republican.


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