Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Bloated Ego That Annoyed America

Finally, it's done. After spending the last few weeks promoting himself and musing over the prospect of running for President of the United States (only in America, you say?), Donald Trump gave up the attempt by saying he'd be back (yet again) for another edition of Celebrity Apprentice next year. The show, incidentally, should be retitled D-list Has Been Rehab Refugees And What The Hell Were You Thinking Signing Off On This Show You're Supposed To Be Better Then This Yes You Marlee Matlin How Dare You Apprentice.

This man is certainly one of the biggest, if not the biggest egos on the planet. He's also one of the most obnoxious wastes of oxygen on the planet. Hell, let's be honest. He is the most obnoxious waste of oxygen on the planet. Everything this vain, loud mouthed, bloated, hairpiece challenged egomaniac does is for the glorification of himself. Strangely enough, he can't see just how bad that hairpiece (or combover, take your pick) really is. An odd thing in someone so self absorbed.

Everything he does is for attention. Including the occasional musing of a Presidential run that he knows he could never possibly win. Why not? Well, it's kind of hard to win an election when everyone who knows you hates you. Think about it. Can you imagine anyone in this man's life who genuinely likes him? Oh, sure, he's got a pack of yes-men around, people on the proverbial Trump gravy train, but would any of them give a damn if he was choked to death in his sleep by his own hairpiece? No. Therefore, let's face it... everyone who knows him hates him.

Anyway, while Trump was making an ass of himself by trying to feed into the Birther delusions about the President (before the President totally pwned him with the birth certificate and the whole killing Bin Laden double whammy), editorial cartoonists were busy making fun of him.

Of course, four years down the line, he'll be musing about yet another kick at the can. By this time Celebrity Apprentice will include Jennifer Aniston, Justin Bieber, that Old Spice guy, and Kato Kaelin. Or did Kato already do a spin on that show? It's so hard to keep track of these so called "celebrities".

Imagine the following, if you will. Seven hundred years in the future, in the ruins of what was once Atlantic City, an archaeologist leads a class of school children among the debris. They stop before a slab of concrete that still bears the damaged letters TRUMP on it. The archaeologist turns and speaks.

"Before the late twentieth century, the word trump was often used as a term in playing cards or as falsification of legal charges. After the dark times, it also meant strange hairpiece. Arrogance. Blowhard. Long ago, after his fifth attempt at running for President of the United States, the one called Donald Trump had a meltdown, causing what became known forever after as the Great Ego Implosion of 2024. It annihilated this city from the face of the earth, killing hundreds of thousands of people. It was only the second time in history such an event happened, after the Las Vegas Annihilation Event ten years before, caused by the ego meltdown of a singer named Celine Dion." 


  1. This is even better than I'd anticipated.

    There are a lot of people who love his money and put up with him to get some of it.

    At least the archaeologists will have fun with him.

  2. That first part sounds vaguely familiar...and, love the cartoon where his hair is blowing and there's just a hole...

    Oh, and to think, one day we'll be able to watch Celebrity Apprentice and see Justin Bieber there...I can't wait.

    Great blog...

  3. I laughed out loud at this one, but don't let it go to your head. Donald doesn't need any more competition.

  4. Yes, Beth, it does sound familiar.

    And Eve, we must be very careful about feeding William's ego. Have you ever seen Gremlins?

  5. OMG....TFF...Glad he's not running. His mouth might blow us off the face of the earth.

  6. Which Trumps all- the hair or the ego?!

  7. I think Trump is a glutton for punishment. He had to have known how much ridicule he'd get for his bullshit lately.

  8. You have outdid yourself. This was great. I love the Rump one. Talk about faux pas. Donald Trump's Rump Rules.

  9. I think the ego out trumps the hair. But just by a hair.


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