Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Thursday, May 26, 2011

So The World Didn't Come To An End

It turns out Reverend Camping was wrong. The world didn't come to an end this past weekend. Instead it went on as it usually does. People were born. People died. People went about their business. People had barbecues. People got married. People watched the game on Saturday night. And for those select suckers who bought into the senile wingnuts' prediction, there was the inevitable look of shock and disappointment as the deadline came and went. No Rapture, sorry, now hand over the keys to that house you signed over to me. You've got thirty seconds to clear your stuff out of my house, thank you very much. If you take thirty one seconds, I shall unleash the hounds. Yes, they used to be your dogs, but you gave them to me, remember? And they like me more.

Now the old buffoon's changed his prediction yet again to have us think the end of the world's going to come on the 21st of October. He claims that what happened was an "invisible judgment", that God put that whole thing off because of the Japanese quake or prayers convincing him to set it aside. Yes, I'm sure, Rev. I'm sure you've got a personal hotline to the Almighty. And if you think I buy that, I'm sure you've got ocean front property in Idaho for sale too.

More likely the senile old bat's thinking he'll be dead by then of whatever's going to finish him off anyway (he is pushing ninety), so when October 22nd dawns, he won't have to deal with disbelief from his flock anyway. Whoever among them is actually left listening to anything he has to say.

On the other hand, think of it this way: it wouldn't surprise me if one of his flock turns up on his doorstep, having had given up everything because they honestly believed the Rapture was going to happen. The shock that it didn't happen has destroyed everything they have ever believed in, and so, at the end of their rope, they turn up to see the prophet who deceived them with a .44 Magnum and a question: Feelin' lucky, Rev? If Law & Order was still on the air, they'd do an episode about the murder of an end times prophet. I could see Jack McCoy's moral outrage moment of the week.

To the Camping family: Grandpa's got a few screws loose. He's only playing with a jack of spades, a pair of tens, a few fours, threes, and twos, and a queen of diamonds. Time to put Grandpa in the home, have him drugged up to his eyelids with sedatives, and not let him anywhere near a phone.


  1. If he's not dead by October 22nd, his remaining followers will probably kill him.

    You're right. He really is a wingnut.

  2. Great blog! Love the toons...reminds me of my own blog...what a loser and a maroon...

    I'm betting that someone will do a psychiatric evaluation on this guy and have a nice padded cell for him...with a straight jacket and a needle full of Clonazepam.

    Well, that's what I'd do...

  3. Hey, just realized that first part rhymed...I'm a poet and I didn't even know it!


  4. I do think there was some sort of rapturous event happening on the 21st in Joplin, MO. For some poor or perhaps lucky souls it was the end of their world.

    Still, this is a funny post and I love the visual of "Feelin' lucky Rev?"

  5. It's great to poke some fun at crazy people like him and morons like his believers, but it's always a little painful to me when I think of how this kind of thing makes real Christians look.

  6. Because the crazy coot said it was going to be the end of the world and not being one of the chosen... I thought what the heck lets enjoy it.... I had a wonderful Bacon Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich, A&W Rootbeer sat outside and enjoy the lovely evening.... very sinful !
    So for the next end of the world ... I am planning to really break out the big guns. In and Out Cheeseburger , not lettuce wrapped but with a bun, an order of fries and Cherry Lemonade.

    Loved God saying he was thinking of rapturing the Canucks and the surviving members of Led Zeppelin just to mess with their minds....
    Perfect !

    cheers, parsnip

  7. omg, I love the T-shirt! This was too good. Come on, did he really think it would happen?
    I love the cartoon with the husband hiding under the bed. Too funny.

  8. The greatest thing about all of the end of the world theories ever is that, thus far, they've all been wrong..

  9. Your blog has become one of my weekly faves, you are an incredible writer. One of my fave lines of your is, " And for those select suckers who bought into the senile wingnuts' prediction," Incredible word choices. And a great post.

  10. What a mess all that is. A lady at the airport tried handing me a leaflet the other day, pre-world about to end day. And I was so ready to ask her why and how she could truly buy into it. My hubby pulled me away.
    Seems like if these peeps would get past this whole world ending thing, they could maybe get something worth while done.

    And wow what a cool comment from Russo above me!!

  11. You do have a way with words. I loved the cartoon with the guy in the Darwin fish t-shirt getting taken up instead of the doomsday prophet.


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