Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Thursday, November 18, 2010

This Is No Flippin' Way To Launch A Presidential Campaign, You Betcha!

Lo and behold, the Tea Party's Den Momma Sarah Palin has her own "reality" show, showcasing her home state of Alaska. Really, it's showcasing Sarah, and little else.

I got a look at it last night, and was far from impressed. Of course, I'm not the target audience, so why would I be? It's an hour of cameras following the former governor and her not so bright brood (with really weird names) around. An hour of Sarah's slightly nasal voice yakking on and on. It's an hour of Sarah basically showing herself off (you betcha!).

If she's really serious about a 2012 Presidential bid (and I'm torn between the oh my god no reaction and the this would be really funny reaction), this is not the way to go about it. The reality show genre is a blight on the universe, something that's been cast forth from the seventh circle of hell. Particularly this reality show.

Look, Alaska is beautiful. No doubt. But when you've got this incessant idiot and her moronic family chattering away endlessly on screen all the time, it gets annoying. Like that kind of annoying feeling you get when a mosquito is buzzing around your ears. Yes, that's the one.

Sarah seems bound and determined to pass herself off as a champion of the average ordinary American family. Just like one of you fine people, god bless ya! You betcha! What she comes across as on screen is, largely, the dimwit we've all suspected she is. She's out of her depth, prone to gaffes, and when she's out of her comfort zone, she's at a loss to cope with unscripted questions. Just think back on her interview with Katie Couric, where she had the deer in the headlights thing going on for her. Come on, Sarah! This is Katie! She's not exactly the world's hardest interviewer (no adult who still goes by a childish nickname could be), and she made you look like the idiot you are!

I know, I know. America had a moron in the Oval Office for eight years. Still, we all know it was Cheney doing the real work while Dubya was off choking on pretzels or putting his foot in his mouth.

It's possible that she's only playing the idiot. Unlikely, of course, but possible. It's possible that underneath all that dimwit facade is a brilliant British woman who's part of an Ocean's Eleven style scheme to steal the Hope Dia... no, South Park already went with that angle. No, she's just an idiot.

A few things stand out watching that glorified Sarah Palin infomercial. One: what does Todd Palin actually do with his time? Aside from orchestrate his wife's activities and run the show, like the Wizard of Oz? Two: should we be surprised that the kids are that slow witted, given who their parents are?

And three, and this is a bit more personal. When I'm out in the great outdoors, I like the quiet. If I'm with people, generally, we don't talk. Sarah, however, seems to feel the need to talk. And chatter. And talk some more. I'd find that really annoying.

The episode ended with the Palins making a climb up a small section of Mount McKinley. As a climber, I take offense to such a place being desecrated by the presence of such dimwits. The whole time she's making what appears to be a very slow ascent, she's whining and complaining and seemingly incapable of climbing, instead of just getting on with it. Oh, and instead of using the occasional curse word (perfectly natural, really), she's going out of her way to use terms like flippin'.  Now who talks like that?

I was thinking of that poor climbing guide with them, trying to talk the Babbling Idiot (*trademark pending) into climbing while listening to her whine. He must have been thinking, "Now what did I do to deserve this?"

Finally, the Babbling Idiot and the Slow Witted Dude get up to the top of the pinnacle, looking about, and what was going through her head as she looked out at the glacier below?

Aside from empty space?

You know, I bet this would make a really good spot to drill for oil, you betcha!

And this is the woman who wants to run for President, the leading figure of the Tea Party? President Obama must be pleased. With her running against him, re-election is as good as done.


  1. Oh, my, William. I get the feeling you don't like our resident Rogue.

    You know, she could be the Antichrist. It's supposed to be the one person we'd least suspect....

  2. "Flippin'"? Ha ha. That's fucking rediculous.

  3. Hey, maybe you should do a blog about the Hoff...

    Because, only the German's like him...or so they would have us believe.

    Great Blog!!!

  4. Does whining during a mountain climb make you ordinary people?

  5. No, whining during a climb merely makes you a complainer.

    The Tea Party's going to get all torch and pitchforks on me.

  6. I can't believe she's going to run for President. She should be running a circus school.

  7. I do have a sense of humor and I saw the show too.
    While I agree with some of your observations, I also think you would parody any politician who tried rock climbing! Come on Martin, admit it!


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