Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, July 19, 2021

Covid-19 And The Deathly Hallows


Covid Pandemic Lessening; Unfortunately Stupid People Survived

AP (New York). Across the world, vaccinations continue in earnest to bring the Covid pandemic to an end. Some countries are doing very well in the vaccination process. Others have substantial numbers of their populations that are skeptical of vaccinations. The crisis isn't quite over, but it does feel like there's light at the end of the tunnel. 

Quarantine. Social distancing. Lockdown. Masks. Work from home. Essential workers only. Day drinking. All of those have been common terms in the past year plus as the world has struggled, fumbled, and otherwise made its way through a pandemic. This reporter, deemed essential, has nonetheless largely worked away from the office, which hasn't really changed from before, given that this reporter has a cranky editor who's so volatile that this reporter has a restraining order against him (editor: shut up!)


Great change has happened in society in the past year and a half. Social withdrawal into so called bubbles. Isolation at home and the realization that you hate your family. Masking everywhere if you need to shop. Barbershops and hairstylists closed for months at a time. Pets wondering why you're home all the time. Dogs exhausted by being taken out for far too many walks. An increase in anxiety and depression among people who never had issues with either. At-home schooling for kids deprived of school and now being taught by parents trying to do their own work from school. As a side note, in twenty years we'll have a generation of politicians who, for a year or two, were largely taught by day drinkers (editor: are you suggesting my kids are being taught by a day drinker?)


Sports were shut down entirely for a time. Sports channels started broadcasting old sports games for a time. After all, there's only so many times you can repeat 50 Greatest Catches or 100 Biggest Screw Ups. Nonetheless it was weird watching games played before you were born. Some sports started coming back sooner than others, but with no fans in the stands. Gradually some sports started allowing fans in the stands, with social distancing. Others held out. Masks were seen everywhere. 

The world looked on as a former American president who did nothing but exasperate the problem in his own country by downplaying the problem and then offering up idiotic 'cures' was voted out of office. And yet in the United States there continue to be states where there is a lagging resistance to being vaccinated, and a wealth of stupid conspiracy theories about vaccines (editor: they're not all stupid!). This reporter would like to point out that his editor is insane (editor: shut up!)


The entertainment industry has had to adjust too. Productions were shut down early on, with an inability to broadcast new material. Late night comedy and daytime talk shows had to adjust to doing remote in-home episodes. Scripted dramas and comedies were off the table for a time being, as were films, until very slowly companies started figuring out ways to film in a socially distanced way, with stringent Covid-19 testing. And of course there's already been Covid-19 as a movie, with the hapless nitwit Michael Bay releasing a found footage style film (editor: Michael Bay is a genius! Shut up!).


Theatres have been opened and closed. Streaming has been a big thing for any new content coming along. Scripted shows have returned to the air. Daytime soaps, which were shut down for a time, have returned. One producer has even decided to incorporate Coronavirus into their series- though not in the way you might expect. "Aside from just having characters do the hand sterilize thing on camera that we're all doing anyway, nobody wants to see a character die of Corona on screen," Days Of Our Lives producer Katie Carlson admitted. "No, a soap opera death needs to be either tragic or something we can explain away if we decide to bring the character back. But what we're going to be doing different. A nod towards Coronavirus in a subtle way. We well be introducing the previously unknown daughter of a major character. Think Joan Collins in Dynasty... the character you'd love to hate. Not just the bad girl, but completely irredeemable. And her name will be Corona."


This reporter would like to point out that daytime soaps are just plain weird. The brewers of Corona beer haven't made any plans to change the name of their beer either (editor: what is it with you and beer? I have already said I'm not a day drinker!) This reporter would like to state that the issue about Corona beer is relevant to the article and that it is the editor constantly bringing up the issue of his drinking. This reporter would also like to remind the editor that the editor's chronic alcoholism is not just confined to daytime drinking. (editor: shut up!)


Vaccinations continue to proceed. Some have already had a double dose of them. Others refuse. Experts advise that Covid may be here to stay, and that vaccinations may end up becoming an annual thing, like the flu shot. This reporter has heard that his editor subscribes to conspiracy theories, which this reporter feels is quite irresponsible (editor: I swear to God, I will hunt you down, restraining order or not, and inject you with a doctored form of Covid-19 that will have you dying inside of two minutes).


This reporter would like to point out that once again his cranky editor has threatened his life and limb, and that this is not professional behaviour. (editor in chief: the editor for this reporter has been relieved of duties and sent to a place with padded walls. Apologies to this reporter for the harassment.) This reporter thanks the editor in chief, and closes with this: we're close to the end, people, but that doesn't mean it's over. Continue to follow health guidelines, get your vaccinations, and let's get through this together.

Oh, and to my now committed editor: enjoy your time at the Bedlam Asylum.

9 comments:

  1. The two pandemics one is absolutely perfect right about now.

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  2. They say it's now the pandemic of the unvaccinated. However polls have shown that the vaccinated are more fearful of the virus than the unvaccinated. Go figure.

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  3. As usual, Sam Elliott says it best. I'd love to have an audio actually saying those lines. Great post, William!

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  4. Love that first joke....The Cure.

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  5. Lynn beat me to it, I love the the first one ! Great post today.
    THE CURE !

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