Return Of A Cancer Widow

They are a blight upon the planet. A scourge of our times. Nostradamus didn't see anything as irritating as them coming. I speak of course of the endless hordes of spammers and internet scammers infesting our junk email on a regular basis. They never give up. They send the same ridiculous email to hundreds of thousands of email accounts. Maybe five people of those are dumb enough to believe it. Such as the following bit of nonsense that turned up in my email one day.

Ivory Coast office.

Avenue 16 rue 22 Greenville

Abidjan middle africa. 

Hi. Blessed Executive Mayor

Greetings From The Safe Life's Foundation International The Children's Centers,

We hope this message finds you and those you love safe during this unprecedented time in our nation’s history. 

The past few weeks have been especially difficult as the coronavirus pandemic continues to take a toll on our lives.

At the same time, though, the challenges we’ve faced together have brought the best out of people in this community, and when we asked for support to help us meet the needs of people with disabilities, veterans and seniors this Giving season, the response was nothing short of inspiring.

This Safe life's community’s generosity is helping The Foundation  to continue to provide the critical programs and services we offer to the disability community. 

It’s allowing us to adapt to the evolving challenges this pandemic presents, such as providing critical health services to children and adults through technology, as well as signing a National Call to Action asking that federal and state governments ensure that the needs of people with disabilities are met during this crisis.

Our No. 1 priority remains: ensuring that the children and adults we serve can continue to access the care they need while keeping them, their families and our staff safe.

And because the coronavirus presents an especially high risk to people with disabilities, older adults and others with complex medical conditions, 

We are humble harmony love care attention and above all true love that keeps the children's candles burning,

Please help us safe life's beyond boarders honestly this is costing us alot more here millions in USD. 

Beloved executives your generous donations will go a long way toward ensuring Safe Life's Foundations can continue these critical services and more during this crisis. 

Our infows account details will be at your disposal upon your response.

Be safe during this challenging time! We truly are all in this together.

Dr, Solomon Bernard,

Senior Vice President, , Communications and Corporate Relations

The Safe Life's Foundation International, 

Of course, some of the same tell tales of the usual spammers show themselves. Let's start geographically. For a person who claims to be from Africa, they can't be bothered to put a capital when writing out the name of their continent. And "middle africa"? How is that a place? Who uses that term? Yes, Abidjan is a real place. In Ivory Coast. Which is on the west coast of the continent, not this 'middle africa' that they want us to see themselves as in. 

Then there's the greeting: "Hi. Blessed Executive Mayor." All capitalized letters. First, if you're actually writing a formal letter, you don't start with "Hi." Second, I'm not a mayor. And even so, calling a mayor blessed executive isn't done.

They evoke an organization- Safe Life Foundation International. A quick glance online indicates an organization of that name out of India. One imagines that the real Safe Life Foundation is much more than a scam. But they evoke the name, blather on about the pandemic, naming a few good causes they're supposedly involved in- veterans, seniors, people with disabilities. 

All while starting off with The Childrens Centres as part of their fake title. Make your minds up, people, which constituency are you trying to pass off as your totally fake charity benefiting for?

They capitalize words that don't need it, misspell other words. They do the usual spiel about their good work, and fumble their way through phrasing. Honestly, does 'we are humble harmony love care attention and above all true love that keeps the children's candles burning' sound like it's written by someone with a reasonably educated mind?

I mean, honestly, "beyond boarders"? And "costing us alot more here millions in USD"? Do you honestly expect anyone to believe that? The totally fake name, "Doctor Solomon Bernard". It's always a doctor. Or a minister. Or a beloved widow of a benevolent general who now has cancer. When in fact it's none of those people at all behind these long form copy and paste spam- scams. 

Nice try, Doctor Solomon Bernard, or whatever the hell your real name is.

Maybe someone in that list of five hundred thousand random emails will be dumb enough to send a couple thousand bucks to your totally fake charity. Which you'll pocket before they realize what happened. But not me. I've seen guys like you before, and no doubt I'll see guys like you again. 

Here's a closing thought, spamming scammer: you are what's wrong with this world. The world will only be better for it when you're no longer in it.

In short, I leave it to a familiar grump to make a suggestion as to what you should do. Right now.