A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it is time for the point of view of the dog and the cat. As always, the dog gets the first say.

7:07 AM. Waking up at home. Slept exceedingly well. Dreamed of chasing squirrels, but just as I was about to catch one, I woke up. Timing is everything.

7:10 AM. Sitting on the couch, looking outside. Snow falling. Birds around the feeders out on the lawn. No signs of squirrels, but that doesn’t mean they’re not around. Boy, I’ll say this much, it’s been a long winter already, and there’s still more to come. Fortunately I like it, but some people don’t. I really don’t understand, but then again, people can be quite strange.

7:12 AM. Turning on the television. The Weather Channel is warning about an incoming system that’s dropping about seventy centimetres of snow on the area over the next twelve hours. Just as long as we’ve got food in the house, we should be fine. Though my human is going to have to go out to the barn at some point during the day. Me being a good dog, I’ll accompany her. Because I am a good dog. A very good dog. No matter what the vet and the mailman and that cranky cat down the road and the town’s mayor say, because between you and me, they’re all out to get me.

7:14 AM. Continuing to watch the forecast. I can’t help but notice that they haven’t let that paranoid lunatic who keeps panicking every time the temperature drops and advocating cannibalism back on the air. Hopefully he’s getting all the help he needs. In a place with padded walls and lots of sedatives.

7:17 AM. Turning off the television as I hear the human moving about upstairs. After all, we can’t have her knowing that I know how to use a remote.

7:23 AM. The human comes downstairs. I wag my tail furiously in greetings. Good morning, human! It looks like we’re getting a lot of snow today. Say, have you given any thought to seeing to my breakfast, by chance? No rush, just a thought, though I will freely admit that I’m famished. It’s been a whole ten hours since my last morsel of food, and that was the leftover pizza slice you gave me.

7:25 AM. Watching with great interest and anticipation as the human pours me a big bowl of kibbles. Oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy…

7:26 AM. Licking my lips after wolfing down my breakfast. That was good!

7:28 AM. Inquiring with the human as to if she’ll let me out for a walk. I don’t think I’ll be going too far- the snow is really piling up out there, after all.

7:31 AM. Out in the yard, rolling about in the snow, as happy as I can be. You know, it occurs to me that if we’re going to get as much snow as they’re saying, it might mean that awful mailman doesn’t even show up today. Or he might be late. In which case I’ll have to keep a close eye on the road from inside for an hour after his usual time. Just so he can get a serious barking at. Or maybe we’ll be lucky and the mailman will be caught in an avalanche somewhere between his lair of doom and here.

7:35 AM. Dashing through the snow, with one dog causing a melee, over the fields we go, barking all the way… Wait, should I even be mangling Christmas music? Because it’s too late or way too early for that.

7:37 AM. Busy trying to catch snowflakes in my mouth. The problem is, there are so many of them.

7:40 AM. Barking at the back door for the human to let me in. Human! I have had my fill of the outdoors for now, so by all means, open the door!

7:41 AM. The human has opened the door but has prevented me from darting past her into the nice warmth of the house and is instead starting to apply the Towel of Torment to me to deal with my wet fur. I sigh and put up with it. I don’t know where you get this idea of wet dog smell being a bad thing, but it’s not.

7:44 AM. Back in the house. Circling three times around in the living room and settling down by the fireplace. Because two times is too few and four times is too many. Oh, sure, I’ve only been awake for three quarters of an hour- less, actually- but I worked off a lot of energy playing in the snow, and I think a nap is a good idea right about now. 

10:03 AM. Waking up from my nap. Oh, good, I didn’t oversleep. So I’ll have a chance to mooch cookies from my human when she has her morning coffee.

10:26 AM. Have successfully mooched two oatmeal cookies from the human. Yum yum yum!

11:34 AM. Outside with the human while she’s handling chores in the barn and getting ready to plow the driveway down to the road. Which has to be done, because it’s a long, winding driveway, and you have to keep ahead of the snow. And here winter is supposed to be the slow season on farms. 

11:48 AM. While the human is off with the big plow, I’m entertaining myself patrolling the barn, just in case any squirrels have thought of making this their winter quarters. I wouldn’t put anything past a squirrel, because as I have previously established in my landmark case Loki v. Sciuridae, squirrels are evil.

12:31 PM. Inside having lunch with the human. She’s been kind enough to give me a couple of dinner rolls. Ham and cheese go over pretty well right about now.

1:32 PM. Keeping a close eye on the road from inside the living room. No sign of the mailman, but that doesn’t mean he’s not out there on the road, facing the snow, up to his usual level of evildoing and malice and mayhem.

2:15 PM. Barking my head off as I see the mailman pull his car up down at the mailbox and start to drop things off. How dare you invade my property! Did you hear me? Get lost, you horrid monster! Never come back here again! Never again!

3:49 PM. The human is having afternoon tea. I am chewing on an oatmeal cookie she’s given me.

6:30 PM. Dinner with the human. She’s made it easy and gone for pancakes. Of the bacon kind. Which, for the record, always appeal to me. Yum yum yum…

9:01 PM. The human has the Weather Channel on. The forecaster is mentioning that an additional forty centimetres of snow are expected on top of what we’ve already had by morning. Oh, that’s okay. Fresh powder for me to roll around in is always a fun thing to have around.

11:28 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! Sleep well. Never fear, for I will guard the house throughout the night. In between naps. Because a good dog like me needs his naps. Because I am a good dog. A very good dog.

Just as long as you disregard any of those lies coming from that cranky cat who lives down the road. Because she’s been out to get me from day one.