Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, October 11, 2021

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And now it is time for the perspective of the cat, the most supreme of all species to walk the planet. 


7:06 AM. Waking up at home. Slept reasonably well. Dreamed of having acres of catnip to wander through and lose myself in. Must speak to the staff about planting some catnip next spring.


7:09 AM. An inspection being made of the yard from the front window. Leaves continuing to change. Flying lunches pecking around at the grass. A weird looking kid strolling by on the road talking about the Great Pumpkin.


7:13 AM. Waiting on the staff to get downstairs to start seeing to my breakfast. I know she's awake. I can hear movement upstairs. No, I can be patient. 


7:20 AM. Okay, staff, I have been plenty patient, but it is about time you get down here and see to my breakfast.


7:22 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. It's about time, staff, I was about to come up there and complain. Now then, it's time for you to see to my breakfast. I'm expecting a bowl of milk and a plate of meat. It would be nice if you came down here a half hour ago and put that plate into the fridge for optimum pre-chilled plate enjoyment, but we can't always get what we want, can we? Now, I've explained to you many times, but I have no interest in all in having field rations. So no field rations today, are we clear on that?


7:24 AM. The staff gives me breakfast. The plate of meat and the bowl of milk meet with my approval. 

The bowl of field rations does not. 

I sigh and set to eating those items that meet with my approval.


7:26 AM. The staff is having some breakfast. I require some time outside, staff. Do let me out.


7:27 AM. The staff lets me out the back door and onto the deck. The flying lunches scatter upon seeing me.


7:31 AM. Stalking a squirrel until the little bastard notices me and climbs up a tree. Beyond my range of climbing, unfortunately. Oh well. Better luck next time.


7:34 AM. Walking back to the house just in time to see the staff drive off in her car. Wait a minute, staff, I'm still outside.

Staff.

Staff!

Get back here!


7:35 AM. The staff is gone. I'm stuck outside.

This does not please me.


7:37 AM. ....I mean, if I had a phone out here I could call the staff's office and demand that she get home immediately and let me back in, but I don't even have that. So sufficed to say, I am not happy right now. I expect the staff and I are going to have some words tonight, mark my words....


7:42 AM. Well, it could be worse, in hindsight. Clear day, the weather is not calling for rain. Because a wet cat is a grouchy cat. I'm just saying. And it's not like I'm going to freeze out here. I just have to stay out here all day. Assuming I don't go down the road and pay a visit to Mrs. McIntyre. She's really good at spoiling me rotten.


7:47 AM. Contemplating the things I will have to say to my staff when she gets home. I will express my displeasure in the most ardent of terms, believe you me...


7:48 AM. I was startled out of my thoughts by a sudden bark from behind me. It was that foul hound from down the road. I am now engaged in pursuing him across the lawn. He's laughing at me. I swear, he's laughing at me!


7:49 AM. The dog has retreated into the woods like the coward he is, barking and taunting me like he thinks it's funny. Well, it's not funny. And one of these days, dog, you'll get what's coming to you. You hear me?

You'll get what's coming to you!


7:53 AM. Back on the deck, brooding and pouting.

I hate dogs.


8:03 AM. Musing on my current situation. Thoroughly annoyed. Don't know what's worse. My staff departing without letting me back in, or that dog showing up to tease me.


8:31 AM. Have decided that I will have to take chances and have a nap at some point. Just have my claws ready if that damned dog returns again.


1:18 PM. Waking up from a nap. Slept exceptionally well. No sign of that dog.


1:28 PM. I can hear the sound of distant barking from the foul hound. It must be the mail. Do you understand that the mailman is just doing his job, or are you even dumber than I think you are?


5:17 PM. The staff returns into the driveway and gets out of her car. She sees me glaring at her.

Yes. You left me outside all day.

I am not happy with you.


5:19 PM. Giving the staff a piece of my mind after she's apologized to me for the whole not letting me back inside thing. This had better not happen again, staff, or....

...and she's managed to give me the scratch behind the ears thing that just turns me to putty.

Hey! I was mad at you! I'm not supposed to be purring.


6:27 PM. Dinner with the staff. She has cut up steak into small bite sized portions for me. This I highly appreciate. She is having hers with some Brussel sprouts. 

Human beings can be so weird.


8:41 PM. Lying on the couch beside my staff, pondering the great mysteries. Why do dogs exist?


11:38 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff, but remember, do keep the door open. I reserve the right to run through the house at two in the morning for no reason, and I don't want to have a closed door in my way.

10 comments:

  1. Flying lunches hahahaha that made me laugh. Pretty sure my three think along those lines too. Brilliant!

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  2. Splendid work! Might I even say "catalicious"?

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  3. To many good ones. The balloon and Aunt Carol are fabulous.
    Oh forget it they are all wonderful.

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  4. Love the cat threatening everyone to be smarter and having what looks like his ear bitten off.

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