A Day In The Life Of A Cat

It is time for the cat to have her say. Your Grace? The stage is yours.

7:11 AM. Waking up. Taking a big stretch and a yawn. Slept well. Dreamed of endless amounts of catnip.

7:14 AM. Looking outside. Assessing conditions. More snow overnight. Looks cold. Oh well, it’s not as if I have to be out in it today, right?

7:16 AM. Looking up at the ceiling. Wondering what’s taking my staff so long to get ready. Come on, staff, I have been awake for a full five minutes, and I can hear you moving around up there. I’m hungry already.

7:19 AM. Impatiently waiting. Sounds of the shower on upstairs. Would it be such a trial if the staff happened to set her alarm a half hour earlier so I wouldn’t be kept waiting?

7:31 AM. The staff finally comes downstairs. I greet her with head bonks to the legs. It’s about time, staff. I was about to head up there and meow at you. Now then, have you put any thought into my breakfast time?

7:32 AM. Pointing out to the staff my expectations for breakfast. I would prefer my plate of tuna slightly chilled, but of course since you didn’t wake up a half hour early, that’s not possible. I want a bowl of milk too. And would it kill you not to put out a bowl of field rations? You know I don’t care for that stuff.

7:34 AM. The staff puts down my breakfast. A bowl of milk, alongside a plate of chicken. And as usual, the staff persists in her belief that I want field rations, despite my pointing out many times that I don’t want it. I’ll just have to ignore that.

7:36 AM. Finished eating my breakfast. Setting aside the bowl of field rations. Leaving the staff to her breakfast. Heading off into the living room.

7:37 AM. Distant barking. That annoying dog from down the road. Just as long as he stays away from my property.

7:46 AM. The staff is on her way out the door for that work place she goes to. I bid her farewell and instruct her to bring back some catnip.

7:48 AM. Watching out the windows as the car drives off. Okay then, let’s see… how to spend the remainder of the day. Aside from naps. Naps are always a part of every good cat’s day. I am a ranking expert on the subject, after all.

8:39 AM. I have had enough of looking out the windows and watching the flying lunches having a meal at the feeders. I think it’s about time for a nap. I settle down by the fire, tuck a paw over my eyes… and let myself descend into nap time.

10:57 AM. Waking up from my nap. Slept well. That’ll do until my next nap. 

11:06 AM. Despite my reservations, I help myself to some of those field rations.

12:11 PM. Staring outside. Movement at the tree line. It’s not that despicable mutt, is it?

12:12 PM. Not the dog. It’s a big moose. And he’s strolling through the snow… right this way.

12:14 PM. The moose stops near the window and stares at me. I stare back. He stares some more. So of course I stare back. I’ll have you know that if I was outside right now, I would be stalking you.

12:16 PM. The moose takes his leave. As far as I’m concerned, that means I won the staring contest.

1:37 PM. Distant barking again. From the time of day, the mailman must be down the road, just like clockwork, setting off that idiot hound, just like clockwork. Has it ever occurred to dogs that letter carriers are just doing their job?

3:44 PM. Waking up from another nap. Looking at the clock. It’ll be, what? Another hour and a half before the staff gets home? 

5:26 PM. Greeting the staff when she opens up the door with a head bonk. Did you bring any catnip?

5:27 PM. The staff gives my back a stroke. Hey! Watch the cold hands, staff!

5:29 PM. Examining the shopping bags the staff has put down on the table. I see no apparent sign of catnip in these bags. Did you forget, staff? Is it too late for you to turn around and go back to town for some?

6:02 PM. Supervising the staff while she’s doing some cooking. I smell the welcome scent of meat.

6:36 PM. Dinner with the staff. She’s been kind enough to cut up some strips of beef for me. I don’t know why she has cauliflower with her meat. Who on earth would want to eat that anyway? 

11:28 PM. The staff is off to bed. Very well, staff. Good night. Sweet dreams. If you hear any maddened screeching coming from downstairs at four in the morning, it’s just me, having an epic stare down with a raccoon outside.