Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Thursday, August 4, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

The Olympics are nearly upon us, what with the opening ceremonies starting on Friday, so I thought it would be ideal to get the perspective of the resident dog and cat on all matters Olympics. The IOC and the local Rio organizing committee might not like this, but to them I can only give them a two finger salute. Middle fingers in both cases. As always, I start out with the dog's point of view.

7:23 AM. Waking up at home. Dreamed extensively. Visions of giant mosquitoes making my day an ordeal. Which is odd, because really, at this time of year, the mosquitoes aren’t that much of a problem anymore. I wonder where that came from.

7:26 AM. Staring outside. Pleasant looking conditions. I look forward to getting out there and having my first run for the day. However, first things first, and let’s face it, this is an important thing... breakfast comes first. Which reminds me, when is the human coming downstairs?

7:29 AM. Wagging my tail with a furious energy as the human arrives downstairs. Hello, human! So nice to see you. Say, have you put any thought into the whole issue of making breakfast for me?

7:31 AM. Breakfast time! Devouring a bowl of kibbles! Yum yum yum!

7:34 AM. Out the door for my first run of the day. See you later, human! 

7:39 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. 

7:47 AM. Saying hello to a turtle crossing my path. Say, has it ever occurred to you to maybe pick up the pace a little?

8:02 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. Hello, Spike!

8:04 AM. Spike and I compare notes on movements of the enemy. The squirrels seem to be stocking more and more of their food stores at the moment. Spike thinks it might be a sign of an early winter. Well, Spike, if that’s the case, some of the humans might not like that. I don’t know why. I mean, snow’s a perfectly wonderful thing, isn’t it?

8:05 AM. I relate to Spike my dream of mosquitoes. He suggests the news might have been an influence. What with those Olympic things starting way, way, way down south in Brazil today, and all those stories over the last few months about some disease local mosquitoes there carry. Oh, good. As long as they’re not here.

8:08 AM. Spike and I wonder why there aren’t any chasing the tail events at the Olympics.

8:12 AM. Well, Spike, I’m off. I have to make sure my human doesn’t decide to go for a ride without me.

8:20 AM. Passing by the property where that cranky cat lives. I hesitate about the idea of seeing if she’s around. I decide it’s probably a better idea not to. She is pretty cranky, after all. You know, come to think of it, I wonder why there aren’t any Olympic events where dogs can chase cats up trees and get judged for their technique and barking prowess. Probably because deep down, in places where we dogs don’t even like to admit... cats really do rule the world.

Oh, come on, Loki, don’t start thinking crazy thoughts.

8:31 AM. Coming home. Human! Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyer of Slippers has returned!

11:29 AM. Waking up from my nap. Oh, good, I haven’t slept through lunch. That affords me plenty of opportunities to mooch when the time comes.

12:08 PM. The human is having lunch. I have succeeded in mooching a couple of dinner rolls. With cheese! Yum yum yum!

12:26 PM. Watching the noon news with the human. A story about the Rio Olympics opening ceremony tonight and all sorts of concerns about how the whole thing is sure to be a disaster. Really? Are we talking landslide or earthquake disaster, or just someone having a bad hair day disaster?

1:19 PM. Barking at that fiend, the mailman, as he drops by with his car to leave some no doubt horrible stuff in the mailbox. Get lost, you monster!

5:51 PM. Supervising the human while she makes dinner. Smells good. 

6:17 PM. Dinner with the human. I content myself eating a couple of blueberry and bacon pancakes.  Very tasty... the dinner of champions!

7:01 PM. Coverage of the Opening Ceremonies getting underway. Cheerful faces from the anchors on television.

7:48 PM. The human wonders when the actual opening ceremonies are going to get started, as opposed to the endless preshow. She says this is as drawn out as the Oscars, which we do watch, and that Super Bowl thing, which we don’t watch.

9:31 PM. Parade of Nations during the Opening Ceremonies. The Canadian team comes out. The human is pleased, of course. And when the human is pleased, I naturally wag my tail. 

10:58 PM. The Parade of Nations finally ends. The human wakes up.

11:39 PM. The human remarks to me that when the games finally end, assuming they haven’t been a total meltdown of sewage, violence, and killer mosquitoes, they might end up being at least a little less obnoxious than the Sochi Games and the Atlanta games. She also tells me “there was once a senile old bastard who ran the Olympics who called every single games the best ever.” Her tone suggests she doesn’t think much of him.

11:55 PM. The human is off to bed. Well, good night, human. I’m going to sleep down here, and dream of doing the doggie high jump.


  1. When I was young my family had a samoyed named Loki. No lie. He was a sweetie. I wonder if he dreamed of mosquitoes?

  2. That pug knows the best way to take a walk in the woods!

  3. awwwww, great post as always. The three Scottie puppies, I teared up when I saw that. That is?was my gang and you just look at one and you know that is what they are thinking.
    I miss Kirby and Watson so much.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

  4. Chasing squirrels with refined technique does sound like a sport but as far as chasing tail, I read there's plenty of that going on at the Olympic Village.

  5. Love the doggies, but not sure why the sheep was there other than because it was funny. As far as cats ruling the world, my Duchess would have made a quick end to such notions. No cat was safe around here.

  6. @Petrea: Loki is a great name for a dog.

    @Lynn: oh yes!

    @Norma: definitely.

    @Parsnip: thank you.

    @Eve: that will happen.

    @Mari: but cats do rule!

  7. Olympics with dogs and cats would probably be much more entertaining, me thinks.

  8. I've seen that Monday face in the mirror a few times.

  9. Totally agree with the lawyer dog. Cats are evil that way.

  10. Sometimes in my weaker moments...when I'm very tired, I think maybe we should get another dog. Then I remember. (Wait, Cleo just laid down on my keyboard...Ok, up you go...over there, no, not IN the printer!) Where was I? Oh, yes, then I remember. I'm going to pass on the dog for now. I can't handle the 2 cats yet.

  11. Oh, those bingo players! You have to watch out for them, you know!

  12. Lots of requests for belly rubs...


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.