Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, July 11, 2016

Scammers Never Will Take A Bloody Hint

A couple of days after the previous scammer message came through to my email junk folder, the following email came through. Two in a matter of days was unusual, given that these days a couple of months can go by without hearing from scammers and spammers. Take a look. You might need aspirin to deal with the headache that comes from trying to make sense of the writing style though. Just saying.

Dear friend,

I am Mr. David Campbell, a staff of a bank in United Kingdom. 

One of our accounts, with holding balance has been dormant 

and last operated many years ago. Nobody has done 

anything as regards the claiming of this money. 

This is because the account owner has no family member or friends 

that are traceable. I have tried to locate the relations 

but without success and that is why I decided to find a 

reliable partner to move the money with.

My proposition to you is to seek your consent to 

present you as the Next of kin and beneficiary 

of this late client, So that the proceeds of this account 

shall be paid to you, and then we can share 

the amount on a mutually agreed percentage.

This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles 

as the fund is legitimate and does not originate 

from drug, money laundry, terrorism or any other illegal act. 

The funds will be released to you after 

necessary processes have been followed.

I anticipate your cooperation and utmost confidence. 

Awaiting your reply stating your willingness.


David Campbell

Well, our scamming scammer scumbag, oh, right... the "banker" David Campbell, or whatever the hell his real name is, is playing from the usual scammer playbook where these things are concerned. In this case he claims to be a "staff from a bank in United Kingdom." That's our first tell of the standard scammer. A real banker would be educated, and would write that sentence as "a staffer at a bank in the United Kingdom." Of course, a real banker wouldn't be soliciting total strangers.

This is written by someone who's trying to conceal the fact that English isn't their usual language, and it shows in vocabulary and punctuation. I mean, "one of our accounts, with holding balance has been dormant and last operated many years ago" comes across as someone who has no idea of the syntax of the English language. Actually it comes across like a computer translation, which always comes across awkward and stunted. 

Then there's the whole thing about  a "reliable partner to move the money with". To me that sounds inherently suspicious (along with the whole rest of the scamming scam email). Our scamming scammer also reassures us that "this transaction is totally free of risk and troubles as the fund is legitimate and does not originate from drug,  money laundering, terrorism, or any other illegal activity."

Awww, isn't that nice?

Nice try, "David", but I've seen countless halfwits like you before, from some hellhole or another, playing at exactly the same crap. Sure, this idiocy might work on someone truly gullible (I suggest trying this with someone named Jethro, but a guy named Jethro doesn't know his way around a computer), but it doesn't work on me.

Here's what you should do: go take a swim. In shark infested waters.


  1. I remember the first time someone sent me one of those well crafted ones (that I almost fell for) regarding a free Toyota. Hidden somewhere in the fine print was something about it being a '91 Toyota. That was the clue. LOL

  2. I love reading spam/scam emails. It's fun to take down bets on who predicts the correct number of grammatical errors that will be found. :D

  3. Uh, the life of a spammer, totally free of risk and troubles!

  4. I've been receiving a lot of this kind of spam recently...I hope that doesn't indicate what the future's gonna be! Most go in my spam folder immediately and I delete them forever at the end of the day, but once in awhile one goes through ... they are so obvious and so oblivious that I have to laugh at their fractured attempts to use the language.

  5. I'm very disappointed. It's been a long time since I've gotten one of these. Where's all my money from random accounts that have been abandoned? ;)

  6. @Eve: and who wants one of those?

    @Diane: there are always grammatical errors!

    @Lynn: oh, yes!

    @Lowell: they're fun to drag through the wringer.

    @JE: it had been awhile, and then all of a sudden, two of these within days.

  7. I can't believe there are actually people out there who fall for this crap!

  8. Ridiculous! Almost as bad as the stuff that shows up in my mailbox telling I'm eligible for winning money or the a huge fund, guaranteed loan, etc. is waiting for me. Of course, they use the English pound symbol, not the dollar sign. No matter how many times I declare it junk the next winds up in my Inbox.

  9. I have been mercifully spared of Scam emails lately. Now if I can just convince Murad that I don't want their skin care products!

  10. Oh let's try it and spam him back !
    Just send the money first. then we shall see.

    cheers, parsnip and thehamish

  11. Sometimes I wonder just who sits down and decides to write such a letter. Do they really think it might work? It's insane to me that someone out there thinks this is a viable way to get money.

  12. Who still falls for this?! Gmail flags them now.

  13. Right off the bat that first statement that it is a dormant account--no bank will sit there and leave money alone. They take it. I had an account once, forgot about it. Years later found the old bank book, took it to the bank, thinking I might have a little cash from it. Nope. They'd "closed" the account. No money in it. They must think people are stupid. Well, you know, if they've nothing better to do, why not take up scamming?


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.