Do Scammers Answer Morning Roll Call?

They're still out there, like the flesh eating disease of the internet, but far more obnoxious. Spammers and scammers, the vile and loathsome lot who fill our junk comments with nonsense and send us the usual letters from fictional African widows, daughters, concubines, and therapists of the usual fictional reverend, general, warlord, benevolent Minister of Propaganda of some part of the world we don't usually pay attention to. It's been awhile since I've had some of that- filters seem to keep it out of my blog junk mail these days for the most part. And then on occasion, one gets an email in a junk folder that fills the bill. Two of them in recent days, in fact, and I'll tackle the other one in my next post. The first one was marked Important Assignment. It was brief, and peculiar.

I am Sgt. Sandy Prieve of the United State Army, I have a 

very important business 

assignment that may be of requited benefit. 

Kindly contact me on sgtsprieve45@gmail.com for details. 

Awaiting your prompt response

Me again. Well, what do we have here? Of course I had to check. Despite the email account in that email being a gmail account, this brief scammy scammer email was sent by someone with a different email address. One for a company out of Romania. With the name Larisa Nica. That doesn't sound at all like the name Sandy Prieve. But it does sound like the sort of locale that you might start to expect internet scammers to operate out of. After all, the scammers aren't just based out of Africa and southeast Asia.

No, Larisa. Nice try, but no. First off, no actual sergeant in the United States army would be dumb enough to misspell States.  Getting the name of your country right is a pretty big requirement for a soldier. And no sergeant would be wasting their time trying to score a business deal with a complete stranger. They're too busy being a soldier. Oh, and a sergeant would be an English speaker, writing as such, perhaps phrasing it as an important business venture instead of an important business assignment. Business and assignment, o scamming twit, are two words that don't really go well together. Another way we can tell you're not a native English speaker? Nobody who's been brought up with it uses the phrase "of requited benefit." What Romanian to English automatic translator were you using?

Sorry, Larisa, or whatever your real name is. Most of us have a brain. You, being an internet scammer, are the sort who does not have a brain. I know, eventually one of the hundreds of thousands of people you email are going to end up being dumb enough to buy this. 

Maybe the real Sergeant Prieve can come along, tie you up in a shooting range, and use you for target practice with field artillery. Trust me, you won't be missed.