Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Friday, March 4, 2016

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

It is time once again for the dog and cat blogs, and as always, I start with the hound's point of view...


7:21 AM. Waking up at home. Big stretch. Slept well. Had dreams of driving the human’s car. Of course it was a dream. Big as I am, my legs can’t reach the pedals if I’m sitting on the seat. You know, they need to figure out how to design a car that a dog can drive.


7:23 AM. Glancing out the front window. Still lots of snow. I wonder when spring is coming. According to the calendar, this is supposed to be the month. On the other hand, this is Canada, and we can get snow in June.


7:28 AM. The human is coming down the stairs. Good morning, human! Fine day, isn’t it? Say, how about some breakfast? I need some quick energy for one of those epic runs I tend to do.


7:31 AM. Feasting on a big bowl of kibbles. Yum yum yum!


7:34 AM. Out the door for my morning run. See you later, human!


7:46 AM. Running through the back fields, barking my head off. Snow still feels pretty firm, so we’re probably not going to see a large scale kind of melt today. A bit of a shame. I would have liked to roll around in the mud, but I’ll have to wait a few weeks.


7:53 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. We greet each other in the usual canine manner. 


7:58 AM. Spike and I discuss the prospect of spring turning up sooner or later in these parts. We agree it’s likely to be later.


8:01 AM. We confer on any sightings of the enemy. The squirrels are starting to be more active, which means they must be running out of their winter stashes of food. They’re still elusive, though, the little bastards. They always have that way of reaching trees before we can get them. 


8:03 AM. Parting ways with Spike. Heading off to go for home. Maybe stop by to see that cranky cat before I get there. 


8:18 AM. Stopping at the property of the grumpy sourpuss kitty cat. Hey, there she is in an upper window. I woof hello.


8:19 AM. The sourpuss is hissing behind the window and venting her irritation. This involves a bit of giving me the feline finger. Well, if you’re going to be like that, kitty, I won’t wag my tail.


8:20 AM. A check behind me shows that I’m wagging my tail regardless of my intentions. Hey, tail! This is Loki, Chewer of Slippers and Annoyance of Mailmen! Stop wagging!


8:21 AM. Leaving the property of the cat, who lingers in the upper window snarling at me. 


8:35 AM. Returning home. Barking to alert the human to my return. Now, when she opens the door, I must rush in at top speed so that I can avoid being caught by the Towel of Torment.


8:36 AM. The human catches me at the door and starts to subject me to the ordeal that is the Towel of Torment. Come on, human, it’s snow in my fur. Nice and clean, unlike mud. It’ll dry up soon enough!


8:38 AM. Settling down by the fireplace. Time for a nap. Even if I’ve only been awake an hour and a bit.


11:23 AM. Waking up. Slept exceedingly well. Right through the human’s morning tea. Oh, well, I’m early for lunch.


12:05 PM. Have successfully mooched a dinner roll from the human. Ham and cheese, yummy!


12:34 PM. Out the door with the human to do some chores up at the barn. Well, she’s doing the chores and I’m supervising. My ability to assist in such matters is negated by my lack of opposable thumbs, after all.


1:06 PM. While the human continues to do her work, I take a quick run down to the front of the property. I have my duties to see to, which include a torrent of barking at the evil mailman.


1:21 PM. There he is! Coming down the road... he’ll be here any minute. Then I’ll unleash a barrage of canine loathing at him!


1:22 PM. Barking my head off as he approaches. Warning him of the severe consequences should he dare to intrude onto my property.  Wait a minute... he’s not stopping at our mailbox. Now I’m watching the arch fiend demonic mailman driving away. Hmmm. Guess we didn’t have any mail today.


1:25 PM. Human? Just in case you're wondering, there was no mail. And I feel cheated out of the chance to give that mailman a piece of my mind.


6:35 PM. Dinner with the human. She’s having stew, but she saved me some of the meat. Yum yum yum! Now this is living.


11:40 PM. The human is off to bed. Good night, human! I shall remain down here through the night and maintain a strict guard against any sign of the repugnant devious squirrel. If I see one on the windowsill at three in the morning, I shall bark loud enough to wake the dead.

But first, I could do with forty winks. Whatever that expression means.

12 comments:

  1. Poor mailman! Not sure which is worse: snow and sleet, or antagonized doggies!

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  2. Get William to tell you some of his dad's tales of terror as a postal worker dealing with dogs!

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  3. This always starts my weekend off with a smile. Thank You.
    Did you notice I sent some kitty love to you on my Friday post !
    I thought it was a sweet photo.

    cheers, parsnip

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  4. Poor mailman. The cheesy-ham biscuits sound yummy!

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  5. We eat free!!!

    Hahahaha, too cute. Thanks for sharing these. :)

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  6. @Cheryl: antagonized dogs!

    @Norma: Dad had lots of those!

    @Whisk: thanks!

    @Parsnip: I did see!

    @Eve: dogs would love that.

    @Diane: you're welcome

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  7. I always love the shepherd ones.

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  8. I so want one of those car alarms. A sheltie would be nice. Sigh. Oh to be young again.

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  9. Love the Pom passing as a Sheltie.

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  10. Loved the last meme. And love the tail hug pic.

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