Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, April 6, 2015

Could We Not Bring Mugabe Into This?

There is no shortage of them. They seem to always come out of the woodwork and send yet more tell tales of their presence. Yes, the scammers and spammers from Africa and other parts of the world, passing themselves off as deliriously sympathetic, noble, or just plain greedy and hoping someone is dumb enough to buy the act. Most of us just see them for the con artists they are. One in a thousand, however, might say, "what could possibly go wrong?"

This turned up in my junk email folders last week. I have only removed email addys and links.


  My name is Courtney Van Wyk, the elder son of Mr.William Van Wyk of
  Zimbabwe This might be a surprise to you about where I got your contact
  address; I got your address from the business bureau.

  During the current war against the farmers in Zimbabwe from the
  supports of our President Robert Mugabe to claim all the white-owned
  farms to his party members and his followers, he ordered all white
  farmers to surrender all farms to his party members and his followers.

My father was amongst the best farmers in our country and because he
  did not support Mugabes ideas,Mugabes supporters invaded my fathers
  farm and burnt down everything in the farm, killing my father and  made
  away with a lot of items in my fathers farm. Before his death, my
  father had deposited with a Security Company in Johannesburg, South
  THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS). After the death of my father, we
  decided to move to the Republic of South Africa where he had deposited
  the money with a Security Company as valuables.

  So we decided to contact overseas firm, or a private Individual that will
  assist us in moving this funds out of South Africa. As an asylum seekers we
  are not allowed to operate any bank account within South Africa . We have
  agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum for your assistance, while 60%
  will be for me and my family to invest in your country then 10% mapped
  aside for any expense. Just some related news on the website concerning
  the land seizure 

You can reach me or my mother on this number. Please do email us through
  the below email address.

  Courtney Van Wyk.

Me again. Well, this is a different take on Ye Old Nigerian Spammer ploy. Actually naming that insufferable evil bastard Mugabe (sorry, Robert, but you're a batshit crazy old prick, and when you shuffle off that mortal coil of yours, the world will be a better place for your absence) is a nice try at getting sympathy. Rather like those scammers who go on and on about the good work of their late uncle/ sugar daddy/ benevolent minister/ warlord with a conscience, this tries to play off the disdain most people have for the aforementioned batshit crazy Mugabe (did I mention he's a really evil rat?) and garner some sympathy. Nice try, but hey, we've all seen this before.

"Courtney", or whoever you actually are, it surprises me that my name would be in a "business bureau." Because it's not. And by the way, your punctuation and grammar attest to your standing as yet another scammer from that part of the world. "as an asylum seekers?" And honestly, Mugabes? It's Mugabe's, you moron. Try to keep up.

By the way, if I actually believed anything you were saying (and I really don't), I would find it astonishing that your dear old dad (who doesn't actually exist) would have socked away nearly thirty million dollars. As a farmer. I mean, what was he farming? Opium?

In conclusion, I can only say one thing to you.

You're an idiot.


  1. Nice finish!

    It astonishes me that these bozos think anybody with half a brain would fall for this crap. What angers me most is that there are idiots in the world who insult our intelligence with these ridiculous tales.

    We should start adding scam and spam messages to The International Intruder's Load of Crap files....

  2. WTF !
    OMG !
    LOL !
    I think I am done.
    Plus this is all the 3 letter words I know.

    cheers, parsnip

  3. OMG, that first photo...sooner or later...the letter should start out, "Hi, I'm a Danny Glover look-a-like, and I will host parties for 10 million dollars."

  4. The good thing is you're not a fool. Only a fool falls for another fool. Also, I love these scammer posts of yours. They're great!

  5. I think I got this one, too, a while back. But your response is magnificent!

  6. Funny post, William. Yes, the Better Spammers Business Bureau- join now! Free grammar lessons with membership!

  7. @Norma: that's a good idea!

    @Parsnip: they are good for a laugh, which is all they're good for!

    @Diane: hah!

    @Shelly: thanks!

    @Lowell: they do make a lot of circulation.

    @Lynn: thank you!

  8. Apparently I got an inheritance last week. At least that's what the spammer told me. ;) But darn it, I "accidentally" deleted the message without responding.

  9. Opium lol. I can't believe stuff like this still happens. Does anyone fall for this?!

  10. Yes, send them to the crap files or the gallows.

  11. Before the first paragraph of the spam-mail was finished (who could tell where that actually was) I was thinking, "For the love of all that is Holy, get on with it." Maybe they should provide a cliff notes version for people with short attention spans.

  12. Lol! Yes they are stupid. Before I used to reply 'Sell your idea to a Hollywood producer!' to all my spammers of these type!

  13. Oh wow, that's quite a story. I really can't imagine someone falling for it, but I don't think Zimbabwe has the market on people who would send something like that....

  14. My husband got a really good one the other day. No errors, very real-looking, with an address and phone number. We sat and stared at it, thinking, "uh oh, look out, the scam-able are about to get whammed."

  15. What an opportunity! What amazing luck for you! What a... Oh. A scam.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.