Scammers Of The World, Die Already!

Some links before we get started with today's nonsense (yes, it's nonsense, and we here at Kendall Central are proud to admit it). Yesterday having had been a Sunday,we had a Snippet Sunday post. Shelly had a continuation of her Silly Santa series. And Lynn featured raccoons at her blog.

Now then, we were mentioning nonsense?

They certainly never do stop. The email messages from the wife/ daughter/ personal masseuse/ dominatrix/ confessor of the late president/ general/ minister of torture/ overthrown banking official of whatever backwater country we might not pay attention to turns up in many an email junk folder, all searching for that elusive sucker who'll actually buy that a total stranger wants to give them millions of dollars. Their grammar and punctuation is creative. Their inability to take a hint and leave us alone is astonishing. And they never go away. What follows is one sent to my junk email folders some days ago.

My Dear,

I am contacting for your assistance to stand as next of kin to my late client.My late client Estate is valued at $9.5 million U.S dollars.He died with his family and nobody is here to claim this money.I want you because you have the same last name with my client and you also come from the same country.I know that you are not related,but as a lawyer I know what to do so that this money can be approved and paid to you so that we can share it.

Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the following information to me to enable me give you more details regarding the claim.

(1) Your Full names:
(2) Your Age:
(3) Your Private E-mail:
(4) Private phone number
(5) A copy of your identification

I look forward hearing from you as soon as possible If you are willing to proceed with me, contact me through my private email  for more information.

Respectfully,

Barrister Hillary Shedrack
Advocates and Solicitors

Well, we have ourselves the standard punctuation, spacing, and capitalization issues of the standard Internet Scammer (homo spammeritis annoyingus). Hillary, or whatever her real name happens to be, is dangling 9.5 million in American dollars (she even emphasizes it by putting in both the word dollars and the $) in front of us. At least she capitalizes U.S., though she fails to put the second period behind that S (Hillary, you really need to brush up on your grammar. I find it hard to believe you're an actual attorney, and by hard to believe, I mean I know you're a scamming scammer of the infernal order of scamming scammers and not a real attorney, so stop trying to scam me). She also notes in an odd way that "he died with his family". Does that mean they all died in a horrible way at the same time? Was it death by volcano? Death by fire ants? Death by flesh eating virus? Death by incompetent Italian former cruise ship Captain Schettino? 

She also notes that her late client happened to share my last name and come from the same country, though we're not related. Wow. I hate to tell you this, Hill? Can I call you Hill? No? Well, I'm going to anyway. My actual surname- the one that I'm not publicly using- is, well, rather uncommon. And I can tell you that everyone in this country with that surname is, in fact, related. So that's another hole in your little fantasy tale about a rich guy with my surname that I'm not related to. 

Nice try, Hill, but you'll have to find someone who's actually gullible enough to believe a worthless waste of space, oh, sorry, I've misspoken. A worthless waste of oxygen like you. Do the world a favour (and you can pass this on to your fellow internet scammers) and stop wasting oxygen. The world would be a better place without con artists like you in it.

We'd have less need for facepalm moments.