Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, December 8, 2014

Scammers Of The World, Die Already!

Some links before we get started with today's nonsense (yes, it's nonsense, and we here at Kendall Central are proud to admit it). Yesterday having had been a Sunday,we had a Snippet Sunday post. Shelly had a continuation of her Silly Santa series. And Lynn featured raccoons at her blog.

Now then, we were mentioning nonsense?

They certainly never do stop. The email messages from the wife/ daughter/ personal masseuse/ dominatrix/ confessor of the late president/ general/ minister of torture/ overthrown banking official of whatever backwater country we might not pay attention to turns up in many an email junk folder, all searching for that elusive sucker who'll actually buy that a total stranger wants to give them millions of dollars. Their grammar and punctuation is creative. Their inability to take a hint and leave us alone is astonishing. And they never go away. What follows is one sent to my junk email folders some days ago.

My Dear,

I am contacting for your assistance to stand as next of kin to my late client.My late client Estate is valued at $9.5 million U.S dollars.He died with his family and nobody is here to claim this money.I want you because you have the same last name with my client and you also come from the same country.I know that you are not related,but as a lawyer I know what to do so that this money can be approved and paid to you so that we can share it.

Please treat this business with utmost confidentiality and send me the following information to me to enable me give you more details regarding the claim.

(1) Your Full names:
(2) Your Age:
(3) Your Private E-mail:
(4) Private phone number
(5) A copy of your identification

I look forward hearing from you as soon as possible If you are willing to proceed with me, contact me through my private email  for more information.


Barrister Hillary Shedrack
Advocates and Solicitors

Well, we have ourselves the standard punctuation, spacing, and capitalization issues of the standard Internet Scammer (homo spammeritis annoyingus). Hillary, or whatever her real name happens to be, is dangling 9.5 million in American dollars (she even emphasizes it by putting in both the word dollars and the $) in front of us. At least she capitalizes U.S., though she fails to put the second period behind that S (Hillary, you really need to brush up on your grammar. I find it hard to believe you're an actual attorney, and by hard to believe, I mean I know you're a scamming scammer of the infernal order of scamming scammers and not a real attorney, so stop trying to scam me). She also notes in an odd way that "he died with his family". Does that mean they all died in a horrible way at the same time? Was it death by volcano? Death by fire ants? Death by flesh eating virus? Death by incompetent Italian former cruise ship Captain Schettino? 

She also notes that her late client happened to share my last name and come from the same country, though we're not related. Wow. I hate to tell you this, Hill? Can I call you Hill? No? Well, I'm going to anyway. My actual surname- the one that I'm not publicly using- is, well, rather uncommon. And I can tell you that everyone in this country with that surname is, in fact, related. So that's another hole in your little fantasy tale about a rich guy with my surname that I'm not related to. 

Nice try, Hill, but you'll have to find someone who's actually gullible enough to believe a worthless waste of space, oh, sorry, I've misspoken. A worthless waste of oxygen like you. Do the world a favour (and you can pass this on to your fellow internet scammers) and stop wasting oxygen. The world would be a better place without con artists like you in it.

We'd have less need for facepalm moments.


  1. I like Downey's meme, so true! Every time I get one of those I feel the same way. I so want to respond with some sarcastic remark about how idiotic and transparent these folks are, but I guess people are still drawn into this scam or else why do they continue with the ploy?


  2. You must get the same spam/scam/crap that I get. These people are really quite funny, but unfortunately they do fool some folks, especially the ignorant and greedy!

  3. It amazes me how much of this crap is sent out every day. I can't believe anyone actually falls for it!

    They're morons...and it shows!

    When did you add a $%^#&^%$ captcha to your blog????

  4. I usually don't see spam in my email. Spam accounts on social media have been driving me bananas. I'm getting real tired of having to block people.

  5. I had one from a Linda Fav recently.

  6. I am tempted to pretend I am Nancy Pelosi, Obama, Raul Gueveria any political figure I can't stand and sent to Hillary or Nigerian Prince their names. Couldn't hurt.
    In fact it might be fun.
    What do I care about Drones !

    cheers, parsnip

  7. I'm thinking someone ought to send Hillary a picture of their bare bottom with a caption reading, "kiss my I.D.".

  8. @Diane: they are beyond idiotic.

    @Lowell: there'd be no point to it if at least one out of a thousand didn't respond.

    @Norma: they are morons. And what's this? Now I'm being asked to do a captcha for my own blog? At least this time it's a number. Blogger's been batty all day today.

    @Auden: I only notice it if it turns up in one of my email accounts.

    @Shelly: quite a name!

    @Nas: they never quit!

    @Parsnip: probably best not to respond to these people at all!

    @Lynn: now there's a visual!

  9. I'm very thankful for my spam filter. :)

  10. Some days I read through my spam box (often making sure nothing's in there by accident) and it just makes me laugh. Lately I've gotten quite a few about letters to Santa. Random.

  11. Haha! That last shot says it all William :) The sad thing is that some older folk still get stung by these villains! Throw them in jail and throw away the key!

  12. So terrible that some people get taken in by these people. Too bad we can't find a way to scam the scammers!

  13. My email only offered five million. Then they wanted to know what country I lived in. Really?

  14. At the risk of jinxing myself... I've not had one of these in a while. Somehow my spam-catcher deletes them. I'd love to send that picture of the rolling-eyes to the next one. But, they probably wouldn't get it, it would go right over their stupid heads.
    Have a good one, William and hope the spammers leave you alone for a while.

  15. I wonder how they'd respond to a photograph with a balaclava pointing the gun demanding the money as ransom. Sounds so tempting but it might lead to war against Nigeria, and there's already enough war as it is. Don't need any more.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.