Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links first off before we get started. Norma had her birthday yesterday and wrote about fast food. Maria asks at her blog about being a planner or pantser as a writer. Mark did a film review for Guardians of the Galaxy. And Whisk had this cake disaster.

Now then, it's the cat's point of view to see to...

7:55 AM. Slowly waking up. Had strange dreams. The world's supply of catnip was being held hostage by squirrels.

8:05 AM. Well, there you are, staff. I expect breakfast, post haste, and let's see some proper service too. By the way, no field rations, is that understood? You keep disappointing me first thing in the morning, and that annoys me to no end.

8:07 AM. The staff actually surprises me for once with a breakfast of tuna and a bowl of milk on the side. Sure, the tuna's out of a can, and the bowl isn't pre-warmed, but we can't have everything, can we?

8:15 AM. Out on the porch to take in the morning. I can hear that annoying mutt from down the road barking, somewhere in the distance. That dog could wake the dead with his barking.

8:30 AM. Back inside. Staff, tell me, where are you keeping your balls of yarn? I feel like unwinding something.

8:45 AM. The staff applies some catnip to my scratching post. The smell of the stuff sets me into a crazy state, of course, and I launch a full scale assault on the scratching post.

9:10 AM. Finishing up with my catnip crazy spell. Feeling a wee bit knackered. Thinking of taking a nap.

11:25 AM. Waking up. No sounds of the staff in the house. Now where did she go?

11:27 AM. Sure enough, the car's not in the driveway. Why did she take off without my permission?

11:42 AM. Staring outside. Cruella DeVil drives past in her car, fleeing for her life with a whole lot of dalmatians chasing her. 

12:05 PM. Watching noon news. No reports about crazy haired fashion divas. Nothing on the price of catnip either. Come on, media, where are your priorities?

12:20 PM. Oh, no, that little twit Justin Bieber's being interviewed. This is going off! I can't stand that waste of oxygen!

2:40 PM. Waking up from another nap. It's a rough life, I know, but someone has to do it.

2:43 PM. Still no sign of the staff! Why did she leave without my permission? It's not a workday, is it?

3:10 PM. The staff returns home. I meow incessantly as she comes in. You had better offer me up some appeasement, staff. Milk would be nice. Ice cream would be even better.

3:35 PM. The staff chatters away while we have ice cream. Too bad they don't make flavours with tuna or catnip.

4:55 PM. Sitting on front windowsill, staring outside. Contemplating the bigger questions of life. What is the meaning of the purr? Why do dogs exist? Is the universe really just one big ball of yarn?

5:40 PM. For some reason the staff has one of those entertainment news shows on. We need to have a cranky Mountie turn up and kick some butt and take some names.

5:43 PM. That stupid little twit Bieber is on again, apparently after insulting Charlie Sheen earlier in the day. I don't know which of those two is more annoying. Probably whoever's the one doing the speaking at any given moment.

5:45 PM. Charlie Sheen is rambling about busting Justin Bieber's mind wide open to the mysteries of the cosmos and the pain of fluorescent evanescence. Wow, you really need to stop doing drugs, Charlie.

6:25 PM. Having dinner with the staff. She's made omelettes for herself. I don't really get that whole egg thing myself- not quite my idea of a tasty dish, but to her credit she gives me some fried strips of meat. With milk on the side. I eat to my own delight, but I must wonder if she's buttering me up for something awful. Like a visit from some of her annoying relatives. 

8:50 PM. Staring outside for no reason. The staff is reading a book. Just for fun, I start to meow and hiss at nothing at all. That'll confuse her.

11:00 PM. National news. For some reason, despite everything else going on in the world, Justin Bieber and Charlie Sheen snarling at each other on top of the Brooklyn Bridge seems to lead off the news. 

Someone has to get their priorities straight. You should be reporting on the universe is a big ball of yarn theory.

11:06 PM. Well now why am I not surprised? Justin Bieber hits like a toddler.

11:09 PM. Both of them get arrested by the NYPD. Oh, come on! If you'd left them alone they might have fallen to their deaths! We'd be rid of both of them and the world would be a better place for it!

11:50 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. I'll be up in awhile to walk all over your face.


  1. I'm with Cat on the JB and CS thing.. They should both take a leap off Brooklyn Bridge :)

  2. Well, that was a fun time scrolling through those cute pics. I'm saving some to send to some of my "friends." Yes, I have at least two friends, so there!

  3. First in line to give cuddles to the kittens this morning!

    Too cute.

  4. lol that first Grumpy Cat one is too funny.

  5. So...the cat doesn't like Bieber, either?

    I just love Grumpy Cat....

  6. My cats don't much like Justin Bieber either. Or Charlie Sheen. Sometimes I'm not sure they like me!

  7. @Grace: if only!

    @Lowell: thank you!

    @Diane: isn't cuddly kitty too cute?

    @Kelly: Grumpy Cat is so adorable!

    @Norma: no higher form of intelligence likes Bieber!

    @Auden: thank you!

    @Cheryl: they'll like you more if you feed them something other than field rations.

  8. Hmm, I wonder if the insane amount of coverage that would undoubtedly ensue from that awesome fall from the bridge would be equal to or less than that of the small annoying tidbits we'll have to hear about those two for the rest of their careers? Would make for an interesting math problem :)

  9. Grumpy Cat was in top form. I loved the Small World one.

  10. :D
    Nice collection kitty logic. 8:50 PM really got me to laugh and wonder if perhaps that is why my cat meow's at me for no apparent reason.

  11. I'm well trained...enough said.
    Jane x

  12. Yep. Justin Bieber and Charlie Sheen should have been left to fate. On the bright side, they'll soon try again to, ahem, out man each other.

  13. Bieber just can't get no respect, not even from a feline!

    Thanks again for the plug;)!


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