Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Ghosts Of Republicans Past

And so the relentlessly slow onslaught of pre-election nonsense goes on in the United States, and we're still over a year away from the big day. You know, here in Canada, we have ourselves a few weeks of an election campaign, the day comes, votes are counted, and it's done. It's not one long, endless election campaign that starts the day after the last election. Not that we have anything to brag about. We did, after all, vote in a majority for a school yard thug, his pack of neo-cons, and his ideology trumps everything way of doing business. It's going to be a long four years in these parts...

Anyway, while the President waits for the Republicans to choose their candidate for next year (it's a marathon process, which isn't helped by the fact that the candidates keep running into each other like a pack of blind mice... oh, excuse me, visually impaired rodents), the Republicans have fielded a group of candidates, some of whom have already given up and gone home, others of whom haven't actually declared yet, and one of whom seems to have been declared the front runner despite the fact that he seems to be utterly lacking in intellectual skills. I know, don't worry, you say, but this is the same party that gave the nomination to Dubya, and look how that turned out...

For some reason, Rick Perry, neo-con governor of Texas (and regular signer of death warrants for the convicted), is touted by some pundits as the front runner. This, despite his being from Texas. Again, remember what happened the last time a Texas governor got the nomination and then the Presidency. For that alone, I would submit that Texas must  be demoted from statehood until it can learn to behave itself.  Yes, I know such sentiments are going to result in a bounty being placed on my head by the state of Texas. Don't remind me.
 What happens if he should get the nomination? Let's speculate for a moment. I imagine Governor Rick could go the unconventional route, and nominate country singer Toby Keith as his vice presidential candidate. They both think along the same political lines. They're both slightly crackers.

And worse... if he actually wins in November 2012 (God help us all), does that mean Alan Jackson's going to perform at the inauguration?
Governor Rick hasn't been doing all that well during the debates. He tends to wander about (verbally speaking). He rambles. He gets lost. He makes Dubya look like a genius. He talks about how a President has to "love America." How deep and thoughtful. I wonder which of his speech writing chimps wrote that one up. Proof positive, ladies and gentleman, that he wants to be a country singing President.

From this side of the border, Governor Rick (Lil Ricky to his buddies) looks like a disaster waiting to happen. Either that, or Dubya in a mask pretending to be Ronald Reagan.

Not that the rest of the field of candidates are that much more impressive. Particularly in the intellectual department. To prove my point, need I remind you about Exhibit #2, also known as Michele Bachmann?

And by extension, there's a woman who looks like a rocket scientist when compared to Michele. Which is odd, because no one would ever call her that otherwise. Yes, I'm talking about the Rogue. The Mama Bear. The former Alaska governor who can't bring herself to finish anything she's elected to. The former television reality show centerpiece and Tea Party darling. Sarah can't bring herself to decide if she should actually run, so the debates are going on without her. The reason for her strangely prolonged absense? She's back at the Cheney Project, where she was once created under the auspices of a mad scientist to be the first Republican neo-con woman President. She was supposed to be Cheney's finest achievement. Unfortunately the programming process went wrong somewhere along the line...

Cheney is aggravated by the failure of the project, and has gone back to having his people genetically engineer flying monkeys and minotaurs for his personal use.

Meanwhile, the President waits for the Republicans to get their act together (this may take awhile). He's got a lot on his plate, from economic worries to military engagements to wondering how stern he should look at any given time. Rumors that he's considering just rebooting the whole thing remain unconfirmed, though he did have two consultants in the other day...


  1. You are SO lucky you don't have to go through the campaign freak show we have for a year prior to the actual election.

    But then, we give you so much to poke fun at....

  2. Very funny from a foreigner's perspective! LOL
    I hope Batman and Robin can help us!

  3. Holy Crapfest, Batman! It's a moron's convention!

  4. I agree with TDR, we need some super heros. It's kind of a mess down here. :-)

  5. While our election process might be shorter, it certainly doesn't produce any better candidates.

  6. I'm looking forward to Jib-Jab's election animation this time around.

  7. You should really become their ring master. It's truly a circus. Couldn't believe Palin's comment yesterday. She's not sure she'll run but maybe she will. What? Really?

  8. William,

    You put this so well! I suppose we have to laugh otherwise we might not stop crying! The situation is such a farce! Where are the really good candidates? I suppose we need to search in the caves to find them. Let us pray for a miracle that none of these clowns get in. Could our situation here get any worse?? Thanks William, for a great post and I love the cartoon pics, too!

  9. omg, you know more about the people running than I do. Some great cartoons there.

  10. This makes me thankful to be a Canadian... although with Mr Harper, we have our own issues!

  11. Yes, we Canucks can hang our heads with dismay at the cackling hyenas currently occupying the government...


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