Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, September 12, 2011

A Is For Aftermath

Just a word before we get things started today, for those of you who are new to my blogs, this is part of an ongoing series (I've figured out a way to take this even further down the rabbit hole, so to speak). It might be a bit confusing if you're coming in late (more so then usual). Anyway, click on one of the tags below (I recommend the Sesame Street one) for the beginning of the epic Muppet murder of Elmo story. Yes, the little red menace is dead. And no, he's not coming back. So there.

Hero Mountie Receives Gratitude, Kicks Entertainment Reporter

Two days after the dramatic events that nearly brought about the death of beloved Muppet Grover, the aftermath of those events continue to reverberate across the world. At the United Nations, blame was cast by numerous delegates over the issue of how they could have let themselves believe the bluff of notorious Muppet supervillain Mr. Johnson. The Secretary General looked suitably downcast as he spoke to reporters at UN headquarters in New York. "We had to act on the threat, to treat it as credible. There was no way we could have known that Johnson had no such weapons of mass destruction that could have destroyed the world. It's unfortunate, now that we know he didn't, that we ended up with egg on our face."

Police across the continent continue the slow, arduous process of digging through Johnsons' past, following the proverbial paper trail. In Canada, where for the last few weeks, Johnson hid in a bunker, the federal government is under siege. The ruling party owned the bunker in the Alberta foothills, and are being accused of aiding and abetting the supervillain. Acting Prime Minister John Baird sneered at the reporters who confronted him on his way into Parliament. "Look, you miserable jackasses, leave me the hell alone or I'll pass the Denial of Press Freedoms Act and have you all thrown into prison for daring to suggest this government doesn't have the best interests of our country at heart. The government has enough to do, what with denying these accusations and trying to shrink down the Prime Minister from his current gigantic size, not to mention our top secret plans to install ourselves as Government For Life... wait... forget I said that last one."

At the well known Sesame Street, Grover has been back among friends, accompanied by his human girlfriend Karla. Longtime bickering couple Bert and Ernie were pleased to see him. "We really admired Grover for offering to sacrifice his life for the planet. It was really noble, wasn't it, Bert?"

"You bet, Ernie. It's something I don't think I could have done in his place."

Miss Piggy was accompanied by her fiance Kermit the Frog, the daring Muppet attorney who successfully defended Grover on murder charges. "You know, Grover showed a lot of courage in what he did. He obviously takes after my Kermie, doesn't he, spanky buns?"

"Yes, indeed, like you say," Kermit remarked with pride. "We're all really proud of Grover."

Professor Honeydew, on the other hand, seemed conflicted. This reporter cornered the scientist Muppet and his assistant Beaker. "You know, while it's great that Grover was saved, but it deprived me of the chance to see what happens when a Muppet gets drawn and quartered. As a scientist, I was really curious to see that."

"Meep! Meep meep meep!"

The Count, on the other hand, was busy counting all of the people who had come to welcome Grover home. "Ten thousand three hundred and four, ah ah ah ah. Ten thousand three hundred and five, ah ah ah ah..."

As for Grover himself? He travelled to Alberta after the reunion, to speak with the Mountie who saved his life by killing Johnson. Inspector Lars Ulrich, the legendary lawman who had once arrested Grover for the murder of Muppet Elmo, a crime that had in fact been orchestrated by Johnson, was known for not being on very good terms with the Muppet. The two met in front of a group of reporters outside the RCMP detachment in High River. "Inspector, sir, I must thank you so very much," Grover told Ulrich, who looked annoyed. The two shook hands as photographers snapped pictures. "You have saved my life, sir! You did a very good thing, sir! It is a debt that truly, I can never, ever repay, sir!"

"Yes, well... that's my job," Ulrich said, seeming uncomfortable.

The press spoke up, almost as one, asking questions. One, a correspondant with Access Hollywood, seemed to be louder then the rest. "Lars! Lars! Now that it's all over, after this incredible manhunt, are you going to get back with Metallica and record another album?"

Ulrich rolled his eyes, shook his head, and looked really, really annoyed. "Look, you idiot, I'm not that Lars Ulrich..."

Grover nodded. "You heard the Inspector, sir! He is not a member of Metallica, sir..."

The correspondant looked confused. It's a common trait with entertainment reporters. "Does that mean you've had a falling out with the rest of the band, Lars?"

When last seen, the entertainment reporter was being chased by Ulrich into Dead Man's Canyon.


  1. So..,Lars is out to get his man, is he?

    I love it!

  2. If you can make the Muppets exciting then you can do anything!

  3. Such a moving post and I will forgive you for not mentioning the Great Chicago Bears win, since you had such a important topic to discuss.

  4. Hollywood would do well to design a new Muppet Show around your concepts ...

  5. Particularly, Mark, since the death of Elmo would be a prerequisite.

  6. Jim Henson is no doubt turning over in his grave!

  7. So happy that my sweetie is getting the attention and gratitude he deserves.

  8. These just keep getting better and better. As usual, a wonderfully funny blog.

  9. I just got an animation program to test out on the computer. Maybe I should try to animate these blogs.

  10. So true to your nature, and so very good. Loved it.


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