A Day In The Life Of A Cat

Some links before we get started today. Yesterday having had been a Friday, Parsnip had a Square Dog Friday. Shelly wrote about her mother. Krisztina had ideas at her blog for barn weddings. And Mark writes about book signings.

Now then, it's time for the feline to take charge in the way that only an ultimate form of life on the planet can. Enjoy!

7:40 AM. Waking up. Staring at ceiling. Wondering how I contorted myself into a pretzel in my sleep. At least I can get up and it won't bother me in the slightest. Let's see a human do that. Speaking of which, where is my staff?

7:52 AM. Oh, there you are. It's about time. How about my breakfast?

7:56 AM. For the three hundred second time this year, you have disappointed me with field rations, staff. Have my meows of protest not been sufficient for you to grasp the fact that I don't like field rations?

8:02 AM. Despite my better intentions, I nibble on some of the field rations.

8:23 AM. Jumping up on couch to look outside. There's movement in one of the leaf piles. What on earth is out there?

8:24 AM. It's that annoying dog from down the road! He's playing in the leaves on my property! How dare he!

8:25 AM. Staff! Are you not looking outside and seeing what that stupid mutt is doing? 

8:26 AM. I express my deep disdain and dislike of that stupid dog in the most direct way possible.

8:27 AM. The annoying mutt is looking around at what he's done and seems confused. Dogs are generally speaking often confused.

8:28 AM. And off he goes. Good riddance! Don't come back!

8:30 AM. Staff! Did you not hear my meows of rage? That annoying dog messed up a leaf pile!

8:40 AM. Out the door with the staff. She gets one look at the leaves and wonders if the wind picked up suddenly and did that. Staff, it was the dog! 

9:05 AM. Supervising the staff while she rakes up the leaves. Humans do need close supervision, after all.

9:15 AM. Back inside. I think I need a good nap after all that supervising. I've tuckered myself out.

12:35 PM. Waking up from nap. Dreamed of the world's biggest ball of yarn. What I could do with that....

1:32 PM. Staring outside. Wait a minute... why is that car turning onto my property? Well.... at least it's not the car my staff's sister and her idiot husband and rugrats drive. Unless they bought a new car.

Staff! Did you decide to have visitors over without clearing it with me?

1:33 PM. Oh no. This can't be. Not her. Anyone but her. 

It's the vet!!!! The arch fiend! The vile foe! 

Staff, how could you do this to me?????

1:34 PM. The staff is letting the vet inside. Staff, are you out of your mind? She's evil! 

1:35 PM. I hiss my disapproval at the vet. Away, foul demon! You will not poke and prod me today! 

Wait a minute, why don't you have any equipment with you?

1:38 PM. Despite my earlier suspicions, this appears to be a social call, not a vet visit. The staff and the arch fiend are sitting down having tea.

Staff, how can you treat that foul creature like a friend? She is pure malevolence wrapped up in an overly cheerful demeanour!

1:50 PM. Keeping an eye on the staff and the vile fiend as they chat. Don't take your eyes off that monster for one second. Yes, she might seem cheerful, but that's all a cover for her vile brand of evil, and if you let your guard down around her, that's when she'll strike, and the next thing you know, you've got a thermometer stuck somewhere where it really shouldn't be...

2:12 PM. And now they're having more tea and cookies. How long does it take for you to leave already, cruel despot?

2:36 PM. The vile fiend is finally leaving. She waves goodbye to me and smiles. Underneath all that of course is absolute malice and evil intentions. I'm onto you, lady! Staff, you will never let her in my home again, is that understood?

6:40 PM. Having dinner with the staff. She cut some beef for me, which meets with my approval. For some peculiar reason she's also having Brussel sprouts for herself. 

11:23 PM. Watching the news with the staff. A really bad actor got arrested for running down a really annoying comedian. And a really bad director seems to think the decision to arrest him constitutes a national tragedy.

Staff, can we arrange for an asteroid to hit this Michael Bay guy?

11:40 PM. The staff is off to bed. Yes, you have a good night. Though if I happen to come up and walk all over you and dig my claws in, just bear in mind that the reason for that is you let the vile fiend into my house today.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Some links before I get started. Norma wrote about the roots of writers. Eve had Pinky testing out dog toys.  Cheryl had Veterans Day pics. Maria wrote about writing bad guys. Lynn had a round of pop culture frenzy. And the Whisk has been into pie.

Now then, today is my seven hundredth published post (it'll take sometime next year before my photoblog surpasses this one in numbers). So it's fitting that one of my frequent subjects has the spotlight today. It's time to take another turn at the point of view of dogs and cats, starting as always with my hound's outlook on life...

7:35 AM. Waking up. Dreamed of chasing rabbits. Almost got one who said he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque, wherever that is.

7:40 AM. Good morning, human! Isn't it a fine day out there? The kind of day that makes you want to get out and take on the world. Priorities, though. First we must have breakfast.

7:43 AM. Finished wolfing down breakfast. Still off my fastest time ever, but I'll get there, it's just a matter of time.

7:49 AM. Out the door for my morning run. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!

8:20 AM. Stopping by the property where that cranky cat lives. I wonder if she's outside.

Maybe I can convince her to be nice.

8:23 AM. I notice a big pile of leaves on the lawn. Oh, how can I resist jumping in that?

8:24 AM. Jump run play! Is there anything as fun as a pile of leaves? Well, maybe not right at this moment in time...

8:25 AM. I look at the house. I can see the cat in one of the windows. Hello, cat!

8:26 AM. She appears to be giving me the finger. Oh, now come on! Why can't we all just get along?

8:27 AM. I examine the pile of leaves. It appears that I've made a bit of a mess about it all. Oh well, that'll just involve a bit more raking.

Maybe I'd better make myself scarce.

8:28 AM. Taking my leave. One last glance at the house. The cat looks like she's ready to sledgehammer me. What it is with cats that makes them like this is a complete mystery.

8:40 AM. Continuing on my rounds. Much to do, much territory to cover, and I should get home before tea time. Because tea equals scones, and scones equal mooching opportunities. It's basic canine math.

8:57 AM. Stopping in my tracks and sitting very still. There's a very good reason for that. A skunk is crossing ahead of me. Oh, please, take your time, I'm in no rush, whatever pace you want is fine with me. Just don't get startled or anything, okay? I don't want to get sprayed.

9:05 AM. Back home after no incidents involving getting skunked. I mean after all, I've learned my lesson there.

10:05 AM. I manage to use my sad eyes look to mooch a scone off the human. Yum yum yum!

12:55 PM. Wake up from nap. Wait a minute... did the human already have lunch without telling me?

12:57 PM. Sure enough, the human is doing dishes. Rats. I lost out on another chance to mooch.

2:40 PM. Staring outside. Keeping close watch for any sign of that infernal squirrel. That beast should be cast back into the seventh circle of hell from where he came.

3:57 PM. Sitting outside. Engaged in an extended bark-off with Spike The Magnificent down the road. Well, it's not as if we can use the phone to bark at each other.

4:15 PM. The human is having tea again. I manage to mooch a cookie.

Yum yum yum!

6:15 PM. The human is making dinner. Smells like French toast.

6:35 PM. The human and I have dinner, and sure enough, it's French toast. I get a few slices to wolf down, even if it doesn't include maple syrup.

Seriously, human, how much of a mess could I possibly make with maple syrup?

7:10 PM. The human and I are settling down in the living room for the evening. She's picking up a book to read. Human, why do you want to kill a mockingbird?

8:57 PM. Wake up out of nap at sudden sound. The human was taking my picture. This isn't going to get uploaded to the web, is it? Because somehow my lying on my back with all four legs up in the air isn't all that dignified.

11:22 PM. National news is on. It seems Shia LaBeouf got arrested for driving under the influence and running over Andy Dick. Wait a minute, Andy Dick is still alive? And while I'm not defending Shia- the guy's a twit- isn't running over Andy Dick a public service?

11:23 PM. Michael Bay is saying this might put a monkey in the wrench of his many films under production, since Shia is his star. He says he'll console himself by blowing something up real good.

11:50 PM. Good night, human! Sleep peacefully! I shall remain the ever vigilant and ever watchful through the night for any sign of nocturnal squirrels.

Though I might need an eight hour nap before I get started.