A Day In The Life Of A Cat

7:10 AM. Awakened before I would prefer. Alarm clock going off. The staff is stirring.

Why did I come up here last night again? I would have been much more comfortable somewhere that didn't include alarm clocks.

7:25 AM. The staff is going about her morning routine. I'll never get back to sleep now. I might as well go downstairs and await breakfast. Which I expect should consist of something better than field rations.

7:30 AM. A look outside. It's pouring out there. A real tempest. Looks like an all day kind of rain too.

I detest rain.

A good day to stay in and do nothing at all...

7:40 AM. Oh, hello, staff. Have you had a look outside? It's the sort of day you expect Noah's Ark to drift pass. I see you're dressed for that place you call "work." Does that mean I'm all by my lonesome all day? You really need to figure out a way to work from home.

Now, I want some breakfast. See to it.

7:45 AM. The staff has given me field rations. Again!

I must fix a disapproving glare at her. It's the least of what she deserves.

7:50 AM. After much reluctance, I eat a bit of the kibbles, and leave the kitchen with an air of disdain.

8:05 AM. Staff heading out front door. Bring back something tasty for me, staff. And you might want to take an umbrella. Or a boat.

8:50 AM. Hearing distant barking through the rain. Sounds like that annoying mutt down the road. Oh, sure, it would figure that he'd be out in the rain. He's an idiot, after all.

9:10 AM. Feeling sleepy. Might take a nap.

11:25 AM. Waking up. Nice long nap. Made up for how rudely my slumber was interrupted by that alarm clock this morning. Feeling peckish.

11:26 AM. Oh, right. All that's in my bowl are field rations.

Reluctantly eating a few more.

12:10 PM. Sitting watching the news. The weather forecasts call for yet more rain, followed by rain, thunderstorms, and more rain. Chance of hail. Oh, lovely. Well, at least I'm not out in it.

12:35 PM. Feeling like scratching awhile at the scratching post.

12:36 PM. My scratches have unleashed residual scents of catnip in the scratching post. I am therefore obliged to go absolutely crazy for at least twenty minutes. I can't help it... catnip does this to all of us...

1:15 PM. Ah, coming down from catnip insanity time. Thoroughly worn out. Will take nap.

3:10 PM. Waking up. It's still raining out there? And lightning too?

3:15 PM. Sitting on front windowsill, staring out at the rain. Spotting movement in front yard. It's that infested rodent, the squirrel. He sees me. He's coming up onto the outside windowsill, right across the glass from me...

I must pace back and forth, growling in fury. It's to be expected.

3:17 PM. The squirrel is laughing at me, teasing me about the fact that I can't get out.

Yes, well, think of this, you insufferable little twit. You see, I'm inside, where it's nice and warm. On the other hand, you're out there, getting drenched by rain. Therefore, to borrow an appropriate phrase...

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah!!!

3:20 PM. The squirrel goes away, looking decidedly annoyed. And soaked to the bone.

4:35 PM. I could be wrong, but the rain might be letting up. Here I was expecting to see ground hogs building their own arks.

5:25 PM. Where is that staff of mine? I'm bored out of my mind, and expecting something that will make up for this morning's field rations.

If she's not back by six, I'm shredding a cashmere sweater.

5:55 PM. The staff walks in through the front door, looking decidedly the worst for wear. It's about time, staff. I was just thinking of which sweater I wanted to shred. I have no idea why you went out in that... it's the kind of weather you can catch your death of cold from. And I doubt I want to be playing nursemaid while you're in bed for a week with a fever.

6:25 PM. The staff is back downstairs, getting dinner ready. I spend time rubbing my head against her legs and purring while she's at the counter. It's a good way to get what I want.

6:35 PM. Staff sets down a bowl of milk, followed by a plate of meat strips. Is this... it is! It's sirloin steak!

Staff, I completely take back any impulse I might have felt about shredding sweaters.

6:45 PM. Finished eating dinner. Purring with contentment. Unlike a dog, I am entirely capable of taking my time eating. The steak tastes delicious. Not sure why the staff feels the need to add steak sauce to hers, but to each their own.

7:35 PM. Staff finished with dinner. We sit down to watch a movie. For some reason, she picks The Day After Tomorrow. Staff, did you not see enough rain today? Oh well... to each their own. And besides, when Dennis Quaid smiles, he reminds me of a cat, so he's acceptable.

10:55 PM. Staff getting ready to head upstairs for the night. I'll stay down here for the night. Tomorrow's another work day for you, and I don't like that alarm clock one bit. Any device that interrupts a perfectly good dream about chasing mice is an infernal device indeed.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

7:40 AM. Waking up. Good long stretch. Slept very well. Dreamed of chasing that infuriating squirrel. This time I got him. Needless to say, Dream Squirrel got what he deserved. Now, how do I apply that to real world settings?

7:45 AM. The human is stirring upstairs. Hmmm, it's raining. Oh, good! I love running through a downpour!

8:10 AM. The human comes downstairs. Good morning, human! Have you seen all the rain yet today? Isn't it spectacular? Human, how about you let me outside to run for awhile? Oh, wait... after breakfast. I need lots of energy, so an extra scoop of kibbles will be just wonderful for you to give me.

8:12 AM. As always, I must wolf down the entire bowl of kibbles inside of thirty seconds. Yum yum yum!!!

8:15 AM. Whining at backdoor. Human opens it, saying something about an appointment. Not really hearing her, seeing as how I'm bolting out the backdoor. Human, you can tell me when I get back.

8:35 AM. Is there anything as fun as sprinting around the back fields of the farm through a downpour? I think not!

8:50 AM. Stopping in tracks to briefly bark at a drenched, cranky groundhog.

8:52 AM. Back in motion. Groundhogs are silly creatures, after all.

9:05 AM. Running through the rain, barking my head off. Why can't every critter enjoy themselves like this? Funny... one never sees cats out in this kind of weather.

I wonder why...

9:40 AM. Time to head back for home. The human should be having her morning tea soon, and if I play my cards right, I might be able to score a treat by mooching.

9:55 AM. Approaching house. This is odd... where's the car?

10:05 AM. Have made thorough search of grounds around the house. No trace of the car. Did the human go for a drive without inviting me?

What was that she said about an appointment again?

11:15 AM. Sticking near house on deck. Thoroughly drenched. Thunder and lightning. Even I know it's not a good idea to go running around in that kind of weather.

I hope the human brings back burgers.

11:50 AM. Wagging my tail! The human is home! Hi, human! Where did you go?

11:51 AM. The human seems to be disapproving of how wet I am. Well, human, that's okay, just let me into the house, start up a fire in the fireplace, and I'll lie down and dry up naturally.

11:52 AM. The human unlocks the door and lets me in. She calls out, but I'm already shaking water out of my fur.

11:55 AM. Being subjected to the ordeal of the Towel of Torment by the human. This would go much easier if you just let me dry off naturally. Oh, don't go on and on about wet dog smell. It isn't that bad.

12:15 PM. Reasonably dry. Human having lunch. Employing sad eyes trick. Say, you didn't by chance bring a burger home for me, did you?

12:16 PM. She did! She did! Oh, burgers are so tasty! Even if they're getting cold! And is this bacon on it too? Even better!

Yum yum yum!

 

3:10 PM. Waking up from nap. Still thundering out there. I remember something once said to me by my local sage and guide in the dog world. Spike The Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels, noted that some dogs get really high strung about lightning. It's a bit of a mystery as to why.

Makes me wonder what it does to a cat.

3:25 PM. Manage to mooch a scone from the human, who's having afternoon tea. Thanks, human, you're a real pal.

4:35 PM. Looking outside. Rain seems to finally be letting up. Catching sight of movement... is that...? It is! It's that annoying squirrel!!!

4:36 PM. Human! Human! Listen to the tone of my barking! You must let me out! I've got a chance to get that annoying squirrel once and for all! Let me out!

4:37 PM. Rats. The human refused to let me out. The annoying squirrel is just sitting out there on the deck, staring at me and laughing.

One day, squirrel, one day...

7:10 PM. Human having dinner. I manage to use my classic sad eyes expression to convince her to let me have a few strips of beef. Yum yum yum!!!

11:35 PM. Human heading off to bed. Good night, human. Pleasant dreams.

I'll stay here for awhile... and dream of finally getting my paws on that annoying little squirrel.

When that day comes, vengeance shall be mine...

As Time Goes By

It has been awhile since last I've done this. Maybe it's time to get back into the thick of it. Before I get to that, however, a few items of business to see to.

The recent tornadoes in the American Mid-West, particularly in Moore, Oklahoma, gave some of us an idea on how to help. My fellow instigators of mischief Norma Beishir, Shelly Arkon, and myself have a page over at Facebook, Authors For Oklahoma. We've assembled donations of books and ebooks from a wide variety of authors, and are just about done with that process. We'll be organizing gift baskets of the books and ebooks for raffling off, with all proceeds headed to the American Red Cross. And on the page we have links for the Red Cross, and for other charitable endeavours in the area assisting those affected by the tornadoes. If you haven't already heard about it, drop by the page, like it, and keep up to date with us. We'll let you know when we're ready for the book raffles.

Second, my good friend and co-conspirator Norma has one of her ebooks available for free for today and tomorrow at Smashwords. Final Hours  can be yours by using the coupon code QC75P. Head on over there and get hold of a copy.

And third, Shelly will be releasing a short story in July called The Partner's Progeny. I've already read it, and it's a good one. Check out my review for Secondhand Shoes, her novel, by clicking on her name below. Her cover is making the rounds in the last couple of days, and it's done by Collin Beishir, whose graphic design work is outstanding. Here's a little about the story:

Bullies rule … or do they?

For seventeen years, Victoria Sheek has been a paralegal surpervisor at the Law Offices of Pereene, Carr, and Sevino, specializing in injury law. Rumors portray her as a bully. She remains confident that her position will never cease because of close relations to one of the founding partners, Mr. Carr.

Until Mr. Pereene, the head partner, hires Monica Bowman. Smitten with her because of her resemblance to his deceases granddaughter, Melissa, and his memories of her, she can do no wrong.

Which one of the two girls will keep their position at the firm? It takes an unexpected event to decide the outcome of their rivalry….

Now then, with business at an end, I'm slowly getting back into the proverbial swing of things. The last few weeks have been difficult, since the death of my mother, and I would like to thank you all for your kind words and support. It's been a painful and difficult period, and I know it's a long road ahead. In time, it'll be something I can live with. I miss her a lot, but such is life. All I can do is keep moving forward.

The support I've gotten from friends both here and in my life have helped tremendously. Thank you.

A Wound In The Heart

"Who's to say where the wind will take you

Who's to say what it is will break you

I don't know which way the wind will blow

Who's to know when the time has come around

Don't wanna see you cry

I know that this is not goodbye" ~ U2, Kite

The song Kite is from the album All That You Can't Leave Behind. It's a song that can be interpreted in a number of ways, but when the band was writing the song, Bono's father Bob Hewson was dying of cancer. It's a song about saying goodbye when you don't know the words. In the concert DVD Go Home Live From Slane Castle, the song is used. The band did two concerts at the Irish castle in 2001, a few days apart. One of those concerts was recorded for the DVD, and both concerts were at the time around the death of his father. Bono dedicated the song to his father in the concert, and it really does speak to those who are grieving. Here's the song from that concert, and the entire concert can be found just by entering U2 Go Home at Youtube. I'd argue that it's the best concert they've ever done.

A couple of blogs back, I mentioned that I'd been away on some family related things. It was a visit to my mother. Back in February she was diagnosed with cancer. And it progressed much faster than we could have expected. She was hospitalized, and it was clear early on that she wouldn't be leaving, that time was running out. I went back last weekend to see her. My father has been dealing with this as well as he could. There have been a lot of visitors to her at the hospital, and one of their friends said something that stuck with me: that my mother was like a saint.

 

She seemed so frail in that hospital bed. She'd lost weight, and I suspect the cancer had spread into her brain. It was hard at times for her to find the words, which frustrated her. And yet she was at peace with it all. Her faith seemed to sustain her. She needed to see her children. I spent time with her, and told her the things that I needed to say.  I told her that I loved her, that I was proud to be her son, thanking her for being my mother. 

On Saturday evening, my mother passed away. She was in hospice care by that point, and one of my brothers was with her at the end. She did get the chance to have all of her children come to see her. She's the kindest and most generous person I ever knew, a constant for all of us. And now she's gone. It's hard to believe. I feel numb right now, in shock about it. And I already miss her. That light has gone out in the world.

It's going to be awhile before I get back to any kind of routine. Losing Mom is like a thunderbolt. She was the best of us... and nothing will ever be the same again.

Tony, You Could Do With Some Sleep

"Some people call me a terrorist. I consider myself a teacher." ~ The Mandarin, Iron Man 3

Robert Downey Jr. is back as Tony Stark, aka Iron Man, in the third solo film for the Marvel comics character, and the fourth after last year's Avengers. The film starts out in the past, on New Year's Eve 1999 in Switzerland, where Tony is in the midst of seducing a botanist, Maya Hansen (Rebecca Hall) and crosses paths with a bookish and socially inept businessman-scientist named Aldrich Killian (Guy Pearce), who has a business proposal for him. Both characters will figure prominently what follows.

Flash forward to the present, where Tony is dealing with anxiety attacks and nightmares in the wake of the alien invasion of New York during Avengers. This is added onto his usual obsessive compulsive disorder, and he spends much of his time in his workshop, building new armors, experimenting with ideas that include remote controlled armor. His girlfriend Pepper (Gwyneth Paltrow) is running his company, his friend Colonel Rhodes( Don Cheadle) is using the War Machine armor for the military, newly renamed the Iron Patriot, and his other friend and former bodyguard Happy Hogan (Jon Favreau) has moved up to head up security for the company. Tony is pouring his energy into work, avoiding issues. Pepper, on the other hand, is navigating the corporate side of things, including a meeting with Killian, much less bookish and socially inept now. His company is working on a new project called Extremis, that might well regenerate damaged bodies by recoding DNA; it's a concept that Pepper can't sign off on, due to ethical considerations. As it is, Extremis is unstable in some people... leading to very bad consequences.

Meanwhile, America is coming under threat from a mysterious terrorist calling himself the Mandarin (Ben Kingsley). He's capable of hijacking the airwaves, broadcasting apocalyptic videos and threats, carrying out attacks through his henchmen, challenging even the American President (William Sadler). These attacks include explosions with no trace of bomb debris, carried out by gunmen who are living weapons powered by Extremis, capable of regenerating from wounds, of transferring lethal heat to bystanders and turning them in effect into a walking bomb. One of the attacks wounds Hogan, and sets Tony on a collision course with the Mandarin, a course that threatens the people he loves and forces him to deal with the issues that he's been trying to avoid.

The director's chair has been taken over by Shane Black, a screenwriter from the Lethal Weapon series who has moved into directing, most recently working with Downey in the caper comedy Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. He mostly handles the film well, taking the reins from Favreau, who's one of the producers this time out. There's a bit off in a climactic scene with numerous Iron Man armors set at a dockworks; I found the camerawork a bit too close into the action at times, and thought it could have benefitted somewhat from having a more distant perspective. Essentially this is an editing issue that I would have preferred being done in a different fashion. These moments in that sequence were more than compensated for, however.

The action set pieces for the most part work very well, particularly one set at Tony's cliffside mansion and another involving a mid-air rescue. Black has assembled a good crew throughout, particularly in the designs of the armors. The Iron Patriot armor, a red white and blue design based on a comic book plotline (long story, don't ask, and it was written by a complete hack of a writer who I call He Who Loves The Sound Of His Own Voice... hi, Darth Bendis!) at least has the right guy in the armor this time out, and I do like the design. The CGI works well, particularly the Extremis-fuelled henchmen and the effects of the procedure on the body. Black and his crew keep the story moving along, taking Tony out of the armor for good portions of the film, putting him in a situation where he has to keep a low profile. The story is true to character, though the casual viewer might find the motivation of the villain needs a bit of fleshing out. I caught it, but it might pass by someone else.

I did appreciate the little details of the screenplay and the nods towards the comics. Killian's company as Advanced Idea Mechanics, or AIM, is one such example. AIM is an organization with a nefarious and long history in the comics and a tendency to have annoyed most every super-hero out there, and it's good to see the concept used here. And an executive being held hostage by the Mandarin at one point is identified as working for the Roxxon Corporation. Roxxon is a company with a shady reputation in the comics, one that makes Bernie Madoff look respectable. Even the Extremis procedure- adapted from a comics plotline- reminded me of other Iron Man villains, the Melter or Firebrand.

The film is cast very well indeed. Favreau has been something of the comic relief in his cameos in these films, and that's true here, though he's also a guy who takes his job seriously... and can be overzealous about it. Paul Bettany returns as the voice of the computer system JARVIS, and as ever has that dry British wit in his voiceovers. William Sadler as the President is an interesting turn for the actor. I'm more used to him playing the heavy or the villain (his ruthless Colonel Stuart in Die Hard 2 comes to mind) that it's unusual seeing him as a principled political leader. Rebecca Hall is one of those wonderfully expressive actors with great range. I first noticed her in The Prestige, and enjoy her work. As Maya, she's linked to Killian, and her work leads to the Extremis process. Hall plays her in a way that's quite enigmatic, but it makes the character work so well.

Guy Pearce has a history of playing flawed characters or villains, and he's so very compelling at it. He first got noticed for playing the ambitious cop in L.A. Confidential, and he's played many roles since, including my favourite role for him, the vindictive Fernand Mondeo in The Count Of Monte Cristo. He starts out here as something of a geek in the past, a charming and suave man in the present, and gradually we start to see the dark and malicious layers beneath. He makes for a formidable presence in the film.

Sir Ben Kingsley steps in as the Mandarin, and the character is a significant departure from the comics. There he was a Chinese man empowered by alien rings. Here he is something of an Osama bin Laden-like man, a dark threat from the shadows. His ethnicity is uncertain; he speaks in an American accent, though he wears ten rings and the robes of the Far East. His ominous threats via video mark him as a serious threat, and yet there is more to him. Of which I will say no more. I will say that Kingsley, one of those actors who's usually the most interesting part of a film, plays the various facets of this man very well indeed. Of his previous work, I've always had a fondness for his turn as Feste the Fool in Shakespeare's Twelfth Night, a version from the nineties (if you haven't seen it, look it up). There's a moment or two here where Feste doesn't seem that far off... 

The returning cast, of course, is exceptional. Don Cheadle is back for the second time as Rhodes, after being cast in the role in the second film to replace the underwhelming Terrence Howard from the first one. Cheadle carries himself like a soldier and an officer, a good touch for the character. He has something of a sense of humor, the occasional impatience with his friend Tony, and he gets plenty to do this time out, as himself and in the Iron Patriot armor. Even though he's not fond of the moniker.

Gwyneth Paltrow has been playing this role in four films now. Her take on Pepper suits the character's history: spirited and feisty, but smart and capable. She worries about Tony, conveying the long history the two have, and she's believable as someone running a company. And the way she and Downey work together comes across as very natural.

The film belongs to Robert Downey Jr. He has given the character such a signature interpretation that it's hard to visualize anyone else playing Tony Stark. He brings across the character's sleepless obsessive streak, and rightly conveys the symptoms of an anxiety attack, something that's understandable given what the character has been through. When he realizes a way to deal with the anxiety (with help, mind you), it's simple and direct... and at the right time. He spends much of this picture out of the armor, and it's a good thing. It reminds us that Tony's greatest weapon isn't that armor, it's his mind and his ingenuity. Downey conveys all of these qualities, gives Tony his motormouth sarcasm... and even empathy, which shows itself from time to time.

I had a lot of fun watching the film. There's a lot of action, but the characterization was true to itself, the pacing of the film kept things moving along nicely, and even the small details were very welcome. In closing, keep your eyes open for a couple of cameos. Stan Lee does one of his signature appearances here, but it's a blink and you will miss it sort of thing. And in the sequence set in the past, a character killed off in the first film turns up briefly. That was a surprise to me.

And don't leave until the credits are finished. The post-credit scene features another cameo, and is probably the best of these post-credit scenes in these films. You'll get a kick out of it.

A Bit Tacky For A Gravestone, Don't You Think?

They say the best laid plans often go awry. Typically you'd have seen a blog from me beforehand, and I had planned to do a cat and dog blog to start out the month. They'll have to stay in drafts for the time being. I'm just not in much of a funny mood at present. For awhile, my blogging schedule won't be on schedule. Things are going on that I'll leave aside for the moment; it's family related, and it drew me away for a few days. For the moment, I'm just trying to get caught up on blog reading while I have the time. It helps to distract me, and right now, with all that's going on, I need distractions.

I had some time to myself in the last few days, down in southern Ontario, and went into a cemetery there, where my grandparents are buried. It had been several years since I'd visited their grave, and after a good deal of searching, I did find it, spending some time there. Afterwards I started walking through the cemetery, a sizeable one with a lot of history to it. It was a peaceful place.

One tombstone that stuck with me was a sculpture of an angel flanked by two stones bearing the names of the deceased. I liked the craftmanship of it, the serene quality of the sculptor's final product. Another such example was flanked by the Union Jack beside it, and it was a memorial to several soldiers from the First World War, men from the area buried in the battlefields of France.

And then there's the opposite. Near that memorial stood a large, peculiar grave. It was black marble, quite high for a tombstone (let's say seven feet high for the central block). It was flanked by two wings of black marble curling around in a rough U shape, tapering to the ground as the wings got further away from the central block. And it had benches set at either side to gaze down on the grave itself, where the deceased had their name carved a second time, just in case you missed it carved out on the central block.

I stared at that overly elaborate grave... and I shook my head. It was tacky. It was a Pay Attention To Me kind of tombstone. It was the sort of tombstone that would appeal to an arrogant egomaniac, master of the universe (or so they think) sort of person. It was, in short, the kind of place Donald Trump would feel quite comfortable in.

I could be wrong. Maybe the deceased was in fact a decent sort of chap whose survivors happened to get a little carried away with themselves in erecting a monument. Still... I don't think so.

Life's a journey, and it ends for all of us at some point. That doesn't mean you have carte blanche to keep being a self absorbed wanker in death as you did in life.