A Day In The Life Of A Cat

And so we come to that time when the floor and all attention must be given to the resident cat, for her point of view on things like dogs, servants, and early snowfalls...

7:25 AM. Waking up at home. Feeling nice and toasty. Furnace is on, and I’ve got myself nicely perched right by one of the heating ducts. Okay then, let’s get the staff ready to make my breakfast...

7:27 AM. Looking out the windows. Well, look at that. We got ourselves a whole lot of snow last night. And it looks like this is the kind of snow that’ll stick around until April. Or May. Or June. Hmmmm, maybe it’s just my imagination, but I could swear I heard someone scream just now.

7:31 AM. The staff comes downstairs. Well, hello, staff, did you scream for some reason a few minutes ago? No? Okay, must have just been my imagination, or my hearing’s better than I thought.

7:34 AM. Profoundly disappointed by the staff, who has once again given me field rations. I sigh with dismay and step out of the kitchen.

7:46 AM. Demanding the staff let me out. Meeeeeeeeeeoooooooowww!

7:47 AM. Out the door and onto the deck. Rather cold this morning.

7:49 AM. I can hear the distant barking of that annoying mutt from down the road. Any chance we can arrange an avalanche to rub him out?

7:50 AM. Strolling through the snow. Okay, that’s enough. Time to go back in.

7:51 AM. Demanding the staff open the door and let me back in. Come on, staff!

7:52 AM. Up on the kitchen windowsill, pacing back and forth. Staff, I know you can hear me!

7:53 AM. The staff finally opens the door and suggests I wasn’t out that long. That’s what you think. 

7:59 AM. I decide to have some of those field rations. One of these days I really have to get my staff to seriously rethink her breakfast options.

8:15 AM. Okay, what now? Do I take a nap? No, I’ve only been awake for less than an hour. Attack the scratching post? Maybe later. Stare at the staff for no reason whatsoever? That sounds promising. How about taking to one of the upstairs windowsills and surveying the vastness of my domain?

8:31 AM. Staring out at the lawn. Movement out there at the woodline.... oh, come on! Dog, take a hint! I don’t like dogs, and I don’t like you!

8:32 AM. Expressing my loathing of that irritating mutt in a way that best expresses myself- giving him the finger.

8:33 AM. The dog takes his leave. Don’t come back, you hear me?

8:38 AM. Coming back downstairs. Staff, tell me, because I’ve wondered this for a long time. What purpose do dogs serve in this universe? Because I assure you, I don’t get it.

8:51 AM. Okay, I’ve been up for an hour and a half now. I think it’s fair to take a good nap now, right? Curling up near the fireplace. Nice and warm.

12:36 PM. Waking up. Slept well. Dreamed of that annoying dog being chased by the vet.

12:41 PM. Looking outside. Even through the window I can hear the distant sound of that dog barking. What’s got his tail in a knot this time?

2:31 PM. That dog’s still barking. I wonder if his bark is ever going to run out. And I wonder what’s got him this irritated.

3:01 PM. Examining the issue by some websurfing. According to this site, apparently dogs are irritated most by squirrels, vets, mailmen, having their tails pulled by bratty kids, and the French.

Wait a minute, the French?

3:15 PM. Perched on a windowsill. No sound of that dog in the distance, so either he finally had enough of barking at whatever, or his humans finally insisted he come in.

5:35 PM. Waking up from latest nap. Feeling refreshed.

6:32 PM. Having dinner with the staff. Shredded chicken and a bowl of milk. Staff? This makes up for breakfast. Just so you know.

11:36 PM. The staff is off to bed. Good night, staff. Keep the door open. If I feel like coming up at four in the morning and jumping up on top of you, I would prefer not to have to meow at a closed door first.

A Day In The Life Of A Dog

Once again it's time for the points of view of the dog and cat, and as always we start off with the day according to the resident hound...

7:26 AM. Waking up. Slept well. Dreamed of chasing my tail. For some strange reason my tail eluded me.

7:28 AM. Taking a look out the living room windows. Oh boy! Snow! Snow! Snow! How wonderful! I’m going to have so much fun today getting out there...

7:31 AM. ....and it looks like the kind of snow that’s going to stick around and not melt on us, so much the better! I can’t wait for the human to get down here so I can go running and playing and jumping in it and having fun and.... oh, wait, breakfast first.

7:37 AM. Good morning, human! Have you looked outside and seen all the fluffy blowing snow? Doesn’t it look wonderful? Say, before we let me out for my morning run, and by we, I mean you, because I don’t have opposable thumbs and can’t open doors. Before we do that, how about some breakfast?

7:40 AM. Wolfing down breakfast. A big bowl of kibbles always hits the spot. Yum yum yum!

7:43 AM. Out the door for my morning run. Dashing through fresh powder. Barking my head off. Woof woof woof!

8:05 AM. Sniffing through the woods. One thing about snow... it tends to make those infernal squirrels rather scarce. 

8:12 AM. Stopping by to see Spike the Magnificent, Tormentor of Squirrels. One of his humans is using the snowplow on the driveway.

8:14 AM. Spike says his human was grumbling about the snow earlier. Well, for some reason not everyone loves winter. I don’t really understand why. Do  you, Spike?

8:23 AM. Taking leave of Spike. We agree to keep each other informed of any sightings of the squirrel enemy by the bark system. Even if it’s at two in the morning.

8:31 AM. Passing by the house where that cranky cat lives. Hey, there she is on a windowsill. Hello, cat! Woof woof!

8:32 AM. The cat snarls and gives me the finger. Fine, be that way.

8:41 AM. Back home. Barking to alert the human to my presence. She opens the door. I rush in and give myself a big shake all over the living room to get rid of the snow all over my fur. 

8:43 AM. Being subjected to the Towel of Torment. Come on, human! I already shook the snow off!

8:51 AM. Circling around three times by the fireplace before settling down on the rug. Time for a nap.

11:33 AM. Waking up. Had good dreams. Cornered a squirrel where he couldn’t escape. And then I woke up.

11:56 AM. The human’s making lunch. I manage to mooch a dinner roll off her. Yum yum yum!

12:21 PM. In the living room. Movement out of the corner of my eye. What’s that? Heading up to the window.... wait a minute. It’s that irritating squirrel out on the windowsill! And he’s looking right at me!

12:22 PM. Barking up a storm. That infernal squirrel is out there laughing at me. Human! Open the door! I have to get out there and get that squirrel!

12:23 PM. Out the door. Tumbling through the snow like a bat out of hell. Whatever that means. Barking my head off. Rounding the corner of the house. There he is, running through the snow. This time I’ve got you!!!!

12:24 PM. The squirrel’s made it up a tree. Curses!!! Now he’s up there chattering away at me and laughing and acting like the world’s his oyster.

12:52 PM. Stalking my way around the tree. That squirrel’s not coming down. Still up there taunting me. Stupid annoying infernal waste of space. Oh, how I hate you!

1:58 PM. Sooner or later, you have to come down, right? Right?

2:45 PM. Well, I’ve had enough of this. Time to go back inside. One of these days, squirrel, you’re going to get sloppy and stupid. And that’s when I’ll be there.

6:31 PM. Dinner with the human. Chowing down on some stewing beef. Yum yum yum!

11:43 PM. Good night, human! Have yourself a good sleep. I’ll stick around down here. In case that squirrel turns up on the windowsill again at three thirty in the morning, I’ve got to be ready to bark up a storm, after all.