Faith Can Move Mountains... But Dynamite Works Better

Monday, October 2, 2023

The Nigerian Cabinet Ministry Ploy

They have never found a level they will not stoop to. They have no moral compass, no ethical centre, no line they won't cross. They will spend their time sending hundreds of thousands of emails spewing the same scam story. They will waste their time posting comments on other people's blog trying to get traffic to their own pages while proving they aren't reading yours (Rajani Rehana, that's you by the way, you insufferable twit). 

I speak of course of homo sapiens spammeritis irritatingus, otherwise known as 
internet scammers and spammers. This email made it through to my spam email recently.

Federal Ministry of Agriculture and Natural Resources.Federal capital territory Office.complex block A,area 11P.M.B.135 Garki Abuja.FctDear FriendIt is with trust and confidence that i write to make this urgent business proposal to you. I was assigned by two of my colleague to seek for a foreign partner who will assist us in providing a convenient foreign account in any designated bank abroad for the transfer of Fifty two million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars only pending on our arrival in your country for utilization and disbursement with the owner of the account.This amount results from a deliberate inflation of the value of a contract awarded by our ministry, the Federal Ministry of Agriculture (F.M.A)to an expatriate company.the contract has been executed and payment made to the original contractor, remaining the over-invoiced amount of Fifty two million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars only, which we want to transfer the funds out the country in our favour for disbursement among ourselves. The transfer of this money can only be possible with the help of a foreigner who will be presented as the beneficiary of the fund.As government officials, we are not allowed to operate foreign accounts, and this is the reason why we decided to contact you. We have agreed that if you/your company can act as the beneficiary of this fund (Fifty two million seven hundred and fifty thousand dollars only)15% of the total sum will be for you for providing the account while 85% will be reserved for us.We hereby solicit for your assistance in providing a convenient account number in a designated bank abroad where this fund would be transferred. We intend coming over there on the completion of this transfer to secure our own share of the money.Please note that we have been careful and have made all arrangements towards the success and smooth transfer of the fund to your account before you. For security reasons and confidentiality of this transaction, we demand that you should not expose this proposal and the entire transaction to anybody.We are putting so much trust in you with the hope that you would not betray us or sit on this money when it is finally transferred into your account. Be rest assured that this transaction is 100% risk free. If this proposal is acceptable to you,indicate your interest by sending a email to us including your bank name & address, account number,telephone number.Note: our former president Muhammadu Buhari collaborated with Abdulrasheed Bawa as the new EFCC chairman, Economic Financial Crime Commission, Mr.Abdulrasheed Bawa  to stop the junior ranks officers from transferring funds out of the country. He sent different Cublication to many countries in the world as propaganda to discourage all government Officials from transferring funds into an overseas account to avoid and save guides the countries economy.Apparently, so that other government officials will not benefits from these( oil windfalls venture) where he has been a culprit alone with his aides. More details about this transaction will be given to you as soon as we receive your positive respond.Note that the particular nature of your company's business is irrelevant to this transaction. if this transaction interests you, your urgent response will be appreciated.In addition, there are some faceless beings in my country that are making use of top government official names to swindle money from innocent citizens around the globe and that includes my name. You can confirm by searching the name of our Central Bank of Nigeria Governor in person of Godwin Emefiele; you will see that his name is part of the scam list meanwhile we are innocent officials completely unaware of the situation happening of which after utilizing their names and profile, they will have uploaded on the internet in order to ruin their reputation making the citizens believe that the officials are corrupt.Yours faithfully,Dr.Ken Obiorah

Oh, brother. Where to begin? Well, with the fact that this story is all about Nigeria, which seems to be ground zero for internet scams. We see the usual hallmarks of a scammer. Overly formal writing. Spacing and punctuation and capitalization issues. This is not written by someone who has a command of the English language. 

They propose a scheme for the recipient of this email (otherwise known as The Mark) to collect a handlers fee for the money they (otherwise known as The Scammers) intend to deposit in an overseas account for later division amongst themselves. Only the money doesn't exist. Because they're lying through their teeth. They aren't Nigerian government officials.

They cast blame off on other people (again, who don't actually exist) in those government ministries trying to enrich themselves through corruption, all while effectively saying they're doing the exact same thing in wanting to move out a few million dollars that won't be missed anyway. If this were real, those few million dollars would be missed- especially in a country as on the financial edge as Nigeria. But it's not real. 

Because what this is really about is some scammers at the end of a long line of emails in some desolate corner of the world trying to gain access to bank accounts of gullible suckers on the far side of the world. That's it, that's all. The money in this case consists of how much they can drain out of the accounts before The Mark wises up and realizes they got conned.

Nice try, guys. Really. I get it, you can't make an honest living, you've probably got people who have you by the fine hairs and who will break your legs if you don't come through. To which, I would say one word: good. 

But I know better than to believe this crap.

What we need to do with you is to have you launched into space, and sent to make first contact with an alien species out there in the stars. Good luck.


  1. 27 Billion? How big is this apartment? More importantly, where is this apartment? I believe this dead man may be a long lost relative of mine who just happens to look nothing at all like every other person in my family.

  2. For some reason, I'm bothered by the fact that what they're proposing feels shady to do even if these guys weren't fake. Like, at least the cancer widows aren't stealing money from their government and giving it to a foreigner. That just feels wrong.

  3. These internet scams are ridiculous, but they must be reeling in some victims to keep doing it.

  4. And please don't send Cheney after me! hahah!

    1. Weirdly he looks respectable now compared to the current GOP crop.


Comments and opinions always welcome. If you're a spammer, your messages aren't going to last long here, even if they do make it past the spam filters. Keep it up with the spam, and I'll send Dick Cheney after you.